Ep. 102 Sick of the BS? How to Take Back Control of Your Life – Right Now!

In Episode Five “Sick of the BS? How to Take Back Control of Your Life – Right Now!” I dive into what it really means to feel stuck in a rut and how to reclaim your power starting today. I’ll share some of the common emotional signs indicating that you may be stuck - feelings like chronic frustration, stagnation, impatience, and regret - and how mindset is everything when it comes to making genuine lasting change.

Knowing the difference between settling and compromising is crucial to making decisions that support your personal growth ✨ and align with the life you truly want. I’ll also unpack the evolving role of gratitude - how it shifted from a sacred spiritual practice into a pop cultural movement tied to a “performance-driven mindset”. Which has left many people feeling disillusioned when their goals don’t manifest and they don’t know why!

To help you move forward with clarity and purpose, I offer three essential action steps to help you:

1.    Reset your thoughts and bring the focus back to genuine gratitude and self-awareness as the real catalysts for meaningful change.

2.    Give you the tools to immediately start taking responsibility for your life.

3.    Guide you through signs and action steps to become the best manager and guardian of your life - starting today!

If you want to break free from the patterns keeping you stuck and start living with purpose and power this episode is for you! Join me on the podcast as we cut through the noise together - so you can take back control of your life! It’s your time. And if you’re ready for support, I’m here to help you show up for it!

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For books, resources and information on signature coaching for grief and personal growth visit my website: vonnesolis.com.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome.
• 0:08 Understanding the Rut and Emotional Signs.
• 4:49 The Role of Gratitude and Cultural Shifts.
• 9:59 Mindset and Personal Growth.
• 15:06 Taking Control: Beliefs, Will, and Power.
• 20:05 Embracing Challenges and Personal Growth.
• 24:08 Closing.

Transcript

0:00  
Lost in the Noise? I got you. I'm Vonne Solis. Welcome to this series for powerful life change. 

0:08  
Okay, so welcome back to Lost in the Noise coaching Episode Five. Today, we are talking about "Sick of the BS? How to Take Back Control of Your Life - Right Now!" So if this episode speaks to you, stick around as I'll help you uncover some of the key points to understanding why you may be sick of the BS in your life and how to take back control - starting right now.

0:40  
Sound too easy? It isn't. It really is as simple as making your very first decision to end all of the BS currently defining your life and commit to taking charge of it in a responsible and manageable way through personal growth. And the knowledge that you will gain in this episode to help you get the results that you want for your life every single time that you want change. So let's get started. 

1:10  
But first, how can you tell if you are stuck in a rut? Some of the common emotional signs indicating that you may be feeling stuck and on the road to nowhere are: chronic frustration, stagnation, impatience, feeling disappointment and having regrets that just won't go away. You may be thinking that you are a failure because you've let yourself or others down from where you thought you should be at this point in your life, and as a result, feel irritable, angry and miserable, whether or not you are showing this outwardly. All of which are emotions that trickle down and give rise to more complicated thoughts and feelings the longer your rut persists, both situational and emotionally. And none of which are uncommon to feel for different reasons at any point in your life.

2:09  
For example, on a more moderate scale, as a natural reaction to things not moving fast enough in your life. Or secondly, because something has happened to you to throw you off balance or derail your plans entirely, and you are questioning your decisions and choices. Again, which happens to many of us who think we've made a bad decision or the wrong choice when things aren't what they seem. To which I'd say nothing is a waste. If this has or is happening to you, I'd suggest that you find the lesson or lessons and move on. Which some people don't like to hear. But I guarantee that when you do this, doors will open when you're ready. And most certainly, when you have the life skills to adapt and course correct, because you can view the experience as a challenge to overcome, no matter the time frame that is driven by opportunity and optimism.

3:14  
But - when even a couple of toxic emotions are threatening your well being in any area of your life presenting you with feelings that persist because you really do feel stuck and without any agency to make life changes, your life view and therefore your life, can quickly spiral downward into that feeling of being stuck in a rut that is very hard to get out of without the proper mindset and tools to get you back on track. Giving you some feeling of control to keep you there, living the life.

3:55  
So before we move on to what will help you take back control and get rid of all the BS in your life that you truly are sick of, there are a couple of key things to consider that can throw a wrench into the whole business of getting back on track. First, let's talk about gratitude. There are a lot of positive things to be said about gratitude, but trying to force yourself to feel grateful for things that you really can't - for all that you simply have just because you have them, won't help you feel more content. Nor should it. We are wired to always want to be reaching for more. Partly, this is cultural, and partly this is due to our antique brains that are wired for survival. That would mean survival of the fittest for which we all want to be in that group.

4:52  
When the New Age Movement hit big in the early 80s, it was largely centered on teaching people how to acquire more through visualizing and manifesting what you wanted. Feeling gratitude for all that we had and were about to receive played a major part of the manifestation process that was also based on a spiritual practice. But as these concepts grew into a pop cultural movement in the early to mid 2000s, manifesting and gratitude were no longer linked to a deeply intrinsic spiritual practice. 

5:29  
It became more about processes to feel successful, of which gratitude became a huge part of the teaching to create personal success in the fastest and biggest way possible, largely symbolized by more and more material wealth. Which millions of people tried to manifest, and many failed to do, following various methods offered by the biggest leaders in the industry at the time. A cultural shift that gave rise to what I'd consider to be the biggest pop cultural movement for personal growth of our time that continues to evolve today. 

6:11  
So it was no fault of the leaders then or now, and what most offered as tools that I would consider timeless, if efforts failed by anyone to create the change in their life that they wanted. Some of these tools going back a century, maybe even longer. The reason for the failure of anyone to create the life they really want is their disinterest in establishing a relationship to them self, where the attention is focused, first and foremost on their inner being and their unique traits that give rise to their inner power. 

6:52  
We all have to claim autonomy and agency over who we decide we want to be, what we want in our lives and what we really came here to do and offer to others, particularly if we are looking for meaning and purpose to make our journey on this planet feel more meaningful. In other words, it's the investment we want to make in the legacy we want to leave behind so we can feel as though we are contributing something worthwhile to others, and that our time here hasn't been wasted. And given the number of people who question, why are we here? I'd say this is an important investment we can all choose to make in ourselves if we have the desire. 

7:37  
But getting back to gratitude. While we may have been overly socialized over the last couple of decades to feel gratitude for all that we have, even when we can't or don't want to feel grateful because we do want more, along with this conflict can come the guilt. The feelings of unworthiness and the belief that we do not have the power to create what we want. Life evidence is showing us that. In part, because of the above conflict. But also, because becoming too successful or wanting too much of anything can produce culturally negative consequences. Not only for those that acquire and then must maintain high levels of success, but also for those who get stuck in the endless cycle of trying to live up to their potential and not ever seeing enough of those results.

8:42  
And this is exactly where people get stuck in a rut, even a very successful rut. And rich or less rich, over time, are sick of the BS that has become their life's manifestation, and want to take back control of their life. So how to get unstuck? Let's turn first to genuine gratitude that comes from being able to genuinely, truthfully, accept where you are in life and all that you have to this point in time. And you don't have to like it. And this comes first and foremost from a change in your mindset.

9:33  
To change your mindset is essential to changing your physical situation and environment. To do this, you have to learn to do the following. Number one. Trust that with each first step of a new thought, something powerful is born. And number two. As you become more aligned, body and mind, you carefully discern how you want to move forward. What you want to do next, and why. Both of these will help you develop a somewhat clearer vision for your life, and help you start to put a plan in place for how you are going to take the necessary next steps to get where you want to go. And when you know what you want and why you want it - a key piece to manifesting - doors will start to open and you will begin to attract the opportunities that you want, as long as you can see them.

10:39  
Now, I know for some this will sound way too simple or even kind of bonky, but it isn't. And there are other moving pieces to this, which I'll get into in future episodes. But for now, the key point I want to make is that change starts with your mindset and the belief you have that you can trust yourself to make the changes that you want when you can trust you! All the other pieces will start to fall into place with your interest in and commitment to personal growth and the practices you develop and curate over time to create your own unique, beautiful lifescape. 

11:24  
One last key point that will help you immediately start to take back control of your life is being aware of settling versus compromising. In order to create lasting change that you really want, it is essential to decide whether you are settling, compromising or creating something deliciously new in your life. Every decision and choice that you make, keep in top of your mind that you are in the driver's seat of your life. Anything you bring into it to advance it and bring more value should feel like an enhancement in the area you are making changes to. This applies to care of your physical health, your relationships, your career and/or education, your finances, your social and domestic life, your mental and emotional well-being, your personal growth and spiritual practice. When you begin to create a masterpiece that is your life, remember that it all starts and ends with you.

12:48  
A lot of people choose to settle or compromise when they're convinced that they missed their moment or never had one to begin with, and must lie in the bed that they made. They have lost their zest for life, if they ever had it. Settling and compromising are two very different things. When you compromise, you are bargaining or agreeing to ensure you get something out of the deal you are making with either yourself or someone else. Settling gives you nothing but more of the same. There are no benefits. Either of these can trap you into believing you are stuck, and most certainly will trap you if you do want more. Which can become detrimental to all areas of your life, the more that time goes on and you don't see your life changing.

13:47  
Your first step to take back control. Before you even take any action to take back control of your life, consider that knowledge gives you choice. Choice gives you options and the will to do something differently. And where there's a will, there's always a way to make the changes that you want in your life, no matter how stuck you feel. So here are some common signs you've lost control of your life, and the action steps you can take to get it back, starting right now. 

14:21  
Sign number one, your beliefs. Many people believe that life happens to them, not for them. And this is where the blame game starts. The complaining about their life is frequent, and they are caught up in a web of distractions to try and pacify the constant yearning for something more. For something better than the daily BS that has come to define their life. None of which distractions can fix because distractions are temporary, and nothing from the outside can fix anyone's internal problems and chaos. 

15:00  
These types of people look to others to make things better. They don't believe their life can or ever will change. In short, this person is never satisfied beyond a short and temporary period of time when something good is happening to them. Which also serves as a two-edged sword because they are always waiting for the next bad thing to occur. Which, of course, it does. 

15:28  
If this describes you, understand that you get what you expect out of life. To take back control Action#1. Beliefs influence thoughts. Always be aware of your thought patterns and take responsibility for what you are thinking. For example, explore within what is triggering you to think a certain way, and the thoughts you instantly go to when something bad is happening. Remember beliefs are not static. You do have control over your thoughts. Choose opposite ones to all of the negative thoughts occupying your mental real estate as you consider their cost on your time, energy, health and overall well-being. To decide this, ask yourself these questions, just like a real estate developer would considering investing in a property. Number one. How do you want to invest in you? Number two. What are you selling to yourself and why? And number three. What's your expected ROI or return on investment? Are you in or are you out? 

16:44  
Sign number two is your will. I can't tell you how frustrated I get when I hear people rant about what isn't working in their life and they don't know what to do to change it. Even a little dissatisfaction can grow into enormous frustration over time that leads to the feeling of hopelessness and a lack of will to invest in their life. The inner light has gone out. And as a bereaved mom since 2005 after the suicide of my then 22-year-old daughter, I know a thing or two about feeling like you have no control over your life and losing all hope you'll ever find your way out of the struggle. But I can tell you that when there's a will, there's always a way to make even the simplest changes that can bring a spark of hope to any situation. Which is a foundational piece to begin your transformation. 

17:41  
Take back control Action #2. So first, you must decide how willing a participant you want to be in your life. To do this stop for a moment and check in mentally, right now, with your level of satisfaction in all areas of your life. Note where you feel discomfort, impatience, frustration, or anything else making you feel stuck in a rut for how long you've been feeling this way, and why. Your life areas will include: your physical health, your relationships, career and/or education, your finances, social life, family life, mental and emotional health, your level of personal growth and your spiritual well-being. Briefly answer this with one or two words. For example, it sucks. I'm lonely. I hate it. It could improve. I regret whatever it is you regret. That will give you a key idea what areas of your life you need work in.

18:55  
And to take this exercise even further and to test your level of commitment to begin or commit to enhancing your personal growth, starting right now, research states that 42% of people who write down their goals are more successful at attaining them than those who do not. So if you want to be part of this success group, create a table, digital or manually. Keep a record of your life areas that you can regularly update the more empowered and skilled you become at creating changes in your life.

19:29  
And lastly, sign number three. Your power. The idea of taking responsibility for your life depends entirely on the awareness and integration of the personal power you have to create what you want in your life. When this is aligned with a purpose and you know your why for being on this planet, you can and should become unstoppable to the point you want to be unstoppable. But for now, and sticking to power personal power in the context of creating more contentment and joy in your daily life, it is essential to understand that lasting and genuine transformation rests in the trust you have in your personal power. In other words, the trust you have in your ability and the skills you develop to create the outcomes you really want that are aligned with your heart and what you can feel in your gut will keep you on track. And as a quick aside, your changes are more likely to be created into physical form faster when you know your why for each change that you want. 

20:38  
So take back control Action #3. Number one. When thinking about your tough experiences, think about them in a different way. This is a solid first step in understanding why you've gone through what you have, and perhaps what you have gained from that experience, and the wisdom that you've gained that often leads people to their purpose work. Rather than feel a victim to your experiences, perhaps you can, and maybe already are being seen as inspirational to others and a role model for other people's healing and growth, if not your own. Even if this is in quiet and unassuming ways.

21:19  
To be sure, some things we go through in life are very difficult to understand, much less try to accept as our own creation that we choose to derive our lessons from. But if you do go this route from the extensive, deep dive into your soul being, this process of consciousness growth can only happen for us as unique individuals in our own time and way. And as we feel ready to embrace the life and spiritual practice that will support how we want to figure out and do or live - take back control - of our life. And there are a lot of steps we must take when we commit to this lifelong endeavor that requires us to always think beyond our human existence alone. 

22:05  
Number two, one way or another, at some point, we have to deal with our past and current reality if we want to avoid getting stuck in a rut or settling. See it and call it for what it is, including everything that has happened in your life. And when we do this, I can assure you that as you develop your skills and embrace new information, and for some people, this is pretty fast, your problems become challenges that, for the most part, can be easily overcome, and life becomes an adventure. 

22:39  
This is not to invalidate the experiences millions of people have been hit with that have been devastating, if not nearly impossible to rise up from. But people do rise up from unthinkable tragedy and other circumstances, and I remain incredibly inspired by all those who demonstrate the resilience and optimism it takes to find ways to get back up and inspire others from the lessons they've learned from their tough experiences. 

23:09  
And number three. What you choose to do with your life experiences, totally depends on your state of mind and how you ultimately choose to meet your struggles and challenges head on, avoidance or blame. And ultimately, what you want to do with that experience or experiences. This will depend on how your experiences are impacting your life today and what you can envision for the future you. 

23:38  
Ultimately and in closing, I would offer that taking back control of your life is more about being the best guardian and manager of you - when it comes to deciding and continually refining all of the choices that you make to best support the journey you're on to embrace the best that life does have to offer. And that you can experience from the power you have within to create it. No matter what you have gone through. 

24:08  
I hope you've enjoyed this coaching episode. Subscribe to the podcast or my YouTube channel to stay up to date on coaching and other inspiring episodes designed to help you get where you want to go. Every single time you want to change.

24:23  
Until next time. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. I'll see you soon.