6 Key Insights and Actions to Master Your Emotions and Create Your Best Life

In this empowering and transformative coaching episode, discover 6 key insights and the actions to take to master your emotions and create your best life. In a culture that often overlooks emotional health, these key insights and actions will teach you how to move past all fear of emotional connection and explore practical ways to reconnect to your inner wisdom. To your SELF.

Creating your best life happens when you know how to align with your Truth and have the courage to step into a more fulfilling and empowered version of your life. This episode will teach you how to take ownership of your story and develop the narrative you choose to share with others throughout all of your transformation with confidence and ease. And what better way to live is there?

This empowering episode is designed for Millennials, Gen Z, and anyone seeking emotional freedom, self-empowerment, and personal growth.

Connect to Vonne for books and more resources:
https://vonnesolis.com

Subscribe to the podcast! Share your favourite episodes! Connect with Vonne on LinkedIn and Facebook.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome.
• 0:08 Connecting to Emotions for Authentic Life Change.
• 3:14 Barriers to Emotional Connection.
• 5:41 Benefits of Emotional Connection.
• 7:12 6 Key Insights for Emotional Connection.
• 11:25 Addressing Past Negative Experiences.
• 15:03 Importance of Emotional Intelligence.
• 17:29 Deconstructing Shame.
• 21:04 Fear of Change and Embracing Transformation.
• 22:54 Connect with Vonne and Closing.

Transcript

Vonne Solis  0:00  
Lost in the noise? I got you. I'm Vonne Solis, Welcome to this series for powerful life change. 

Vonne Solis  0:08  
Hi. So welcome to Episode 3 of the Lost in the Noise series. This episode "6 Key Insights and Actions to Help You Master Your Emotions and Create Your Best Life" is guided by me, Vonne as your coach and the angels, of course, to help you create your best life. 

Vonne Solis  0:26  
In this coaching episode, using 6 key insights, you'll learn how to stop being afraid of your emotions and instead connect to them more deeply to give you the best relationship you can have to yourself to create what it is you really want in your life every time you want change. In Episode 2, we covered the five steps to help you rediscover your true self and develop a framework to help you create authentic life change with a more structured approach.  also discussed the difference between focusing solely on mental health to treat basically our emotional difficulties today and the importance of connecting to our emotions as a key piece to creating optimal life change. By always understanding what you are feeling and having the skills to process what is going on within you, you can and will create the changes that you want in appropriate steps and the time frame with every decision and choice that you make. 

Vonne Solis  1:27  
While emotions are one of the hardest things for us to connect to, because of the fear we have about what they will bring up for, us establishing a connection to our heart as our true place of connection to our SELF. That is SELF all caps and to the Divine, this teaches us to feel compassion for ourselves in the same way that we would feel compassion for anyone else going through their own pain and struggle. 

Vonne Solis  1:53  
Connecting to our heart through our emotions helps us tune into emotional wisdom that is already within us, just waiting to be ignited. And when we do this, we allow our heart to become our compass. Guiding our every decision and the choices that we make, moving us towards the life direction that we want to go at any given time. Whether this is a shift in attitude or a heightening of curiosity, inviting us to go deeper within, when we lose all of our fear, to understanding ourselves at a deeper emotional level, our heart will guide us to chart the life course we most align with and plan the steps along the way to get where we want to go. 

Vonne Solis  2:42  
Feeling reassured that we can sail through every twist and turn, feeling unencumbered by the unknown because we trust our journey ahead, this is what happens when we establish an emotional connection to our heart, to the mind and to our holistic approach to how we want to live. So let's get to it. 

Vonne Solis  3:09  
So why do we fear connecting to our emotions, which are the gateway to our most authentic state of being as we elevate our consciousness? To be clear, Western culture has not embraced emotional intelligence, or what I'll refer to here as emotional wisdom, to the degree we need to, to stop the stigma around everyone's emotional well being. Where we make emotional health a priority for everyone. For each other. Instead, we attribute emotional health as a weakness and giving in to our vulnerability. And no one wants to be judged as weak and vulnerable because we risk losing out on the ladder to success and in many other ways, socially and culturally.

Vonne Solis  4:01  
Not being able to more openly feel the bad stuff when life is painful and challenging, which becomes the case for all people at some point in their life journey, creates isolation and difference between us. Where we hide our emotions and feelings from others, especially about the experiences that are hurting or challenging us the most. Or we believe we are emotional wrecks when we do allow ourselves to share more truthfully about what we have experienced or are going through at any given time. We bury more painful emotions on top of existing buried ones, and disengage more and more from others.

Vonne Solis  4:42  
It's easy to fall into the trap of making ourselves wrong for not being strong enough or good enough, happy enough orsuccessful enough, like we think everyone else is, who seemingly have it all together. Which only serves to create more complex feelings within us that starts the emotional pain cycle all over again. Viewing emotions in this way, it is reasonable to think that none of us want to go there and tap into unresolved emotions. There is too much uncertainty of what this particular can of worms will open when we do so. Yet emotional connection to the SELF. That is SELF all caps is so important to explore. Why? 

Vonne Solis  5:28  
Because we are emotional creatures. We are driven by our emotions. They help us figure out who we are and when you know who you are, it's easier to figure out what you want and why you want it. Also learning to develop a connection to your most positive self-loving and self-nurturing emotions shifts your energy from fear-based thinking and reaction to compassion-focused energy. Where you start to consider and choose how you want to respond to life situations and discern with more authenticity how you want to expand your life, when and why. 

Vonne Solis  6:12  
Choosing to live from more positive emotions helps you live with faster vibration energy. Some people think of this as higher vibration, but thinking of it in terms of fast and slow is a way I've come to adopt how I view energy. And this is essential - higher vibration energy - to creating lasting, optimal change. So how do you stop being afraid of your emotions, and instead develop a deep connection to them? Emotional wisdom helps you become clear about who you are and what you want at all times. And knowing this will help you attract into your life all that you need and want to support your changing desires.

Vonne Solis  7:03  
Many people question their reason for being on the planet, but are terrified or too lazy to do the inner work. But if you want to master your life and create the changes we all continuously go through, you need to do some digging within. The following 6 key insights will help you understand why you may have been avoiding, or are continuing to avoid connecting to your emotions and the actions you can take to get more curious about who you are, what you have experienced and why, based on a deepening relationship to your SELF. 

Vonne Solis  7:43  
Answering these questions will help you discover the real you and define your ultimate reason for being on the planet. Which is up to us to figure out, when we question it. It will also invite you to create the opportunities to reframe and express your story in a way that uniquely represents your most truthful living at every stage of your life. So here are the 6 key insights and actions. 

Vonne Solis  8:15  
Insight #1. You are not alone. Everyone experiences pain and are just as vulnerable to emotional upset, whether or not they admit it, knowing we are all as vulnerable as the next person helps to break the stigma and isolation that we all feel in pain.

Vonne Solis  8:39  
Action #1.  Share Your Story. Your story is important. Allow yourself to feel safe enough to share parts or all of your story and talk more openly about what you are struggling with, emotionally with others and in appropriate situations. Sharing our stories helps to normalize the vulnerability we all feel and try to hide from others because of the general weakness we believe it represents. Actually vulnerability, when shared most often, if not always, is viewed by others as a strength people wish they had themselves. 

Vonne Solis  9:20  
Action #2. Ceate a Safe Space to Connect. Just one person talking creates a safe space that invites others to join in. Which creates community and connection and the feeling of being supported.

Vonne Solis  9:38  
Insight #2. Having the Fear You'll Lose Control if You Become Emotional. Most people are afraid that connecting to their emotions will feel overwhelming. They won't be able to control their actions or responses. They fear that they will look weak and appear unpredictable, if not crazy to others. And while some of this may be true, our brain's survival instinct has a way of keeping us safe and in some semblance of control. For example, in my earliest weeks of grief after losing my daughter to suicide in 2005, I wanted desperately to end my life. I'd sometimes drive in a reckless manner on isolated roads - no one else was around - not caring what could happen to me. But then instinct would kick in. Ending this rapid fire emotional impulse that I had, and I'd be back to my endless misery, but in control. Barely surviving, but with a focus on being able to thrive someday.

Vonne Solis  10:47  
Action #1. Start with small steps when exploring your deepest and painful emotions. Always stop at a point when it feels comfortable for you to simply observe how your body is reacting to certain thoughts, triggers and memories of painful experiences. And remember a session doesn't have to be long. 

Vonne Solis  11:11  
Action #2. Stay grounded. It is essential that while undertaking a deep exploration of your emotions that you work with guided meditations or a trusted practitioner to help you stay grounded while you're going through the emotions.

Vonne Solis  11:30  
Action #3. Stay detached from the experience by taking a mental note of the relationship between your mind and body and seek treatment for any discomfort, illness and any imbalance you wish to heal or correct.

Vonne Solis  11:47  
And Action #4. Create release mechanisms to cope. So what this means is that as you connect more deeply to your most painful and often hidden emotions, use creativity, including journaling and gentle physical activities, as healthy ways of releasing negative energy. It has to come out of your body. So energy that you do not release constructively from your body and mind will release itself anyway, in many forms, including as illness, pain or other symptoms that may be hard, if not impossible, to medically diagnose. 

Vonne Solis  12:28  
And this actually happened to me in my early years of grief, when I wasn't really constructively working with releasing the pain. I went to see doctors to see what was wrong with me suffering stress and, you know, just all kinds of weird symptoms going on in my body, and the doctors just had no clue what it was. And it wasn't until a few years later, I really started to understand the toxicity that is within us, how it does, you know, try and work its way through our body because energy is always moving and does present as many problems that you know influence our behaviors and actions, our relationships. Just about everything.

Vonne Solis  13:10  
So it's really essential that when you're going to have this relationship and dig into your emotions, that you do also have a way of channeling creatively and constructively, and, you know, with exercise and so on, the messages that you are getting from your body. What's happening when you're revisiting certain painful experiences. What you're thinking about them. What you believe about them. What is your actual truth and not truth, and information that you get to act on in a much more discerning way throughout all of your healing and growth journey. 

Vonne Solis  13:49  
So Insight #3. And a little bit on this same topic, is Not Wanting to Revisit Past Negative Experiences. And it is true, traumatic and very painful experiences can leave us hesitant to even consider revisiting our emotions associated with these past events. Trauma memories aren't normal memories. So revisiting a traumatic event can make it feel like that event is happening all over again in real time, which can re-traumatize us over and over. 

Vonne Solis  14:24  
Action. Never force yourself to revisit pain. Sometimes the best action is no action. I have always suggested from the beginning of my bereavement, to not ever force yourself to revisit events and emotions from the past that are simply too traumatic and painful to revisit. The mind can only take so much. Always work with a professional trained in trauma counseling should you wish to revisit past events that are emotionally charged and too complex to consider revisiting on your own.

Vonne Solis  15:03  
Insight #4. The Belief That Emotions Are Unimportant. Given that as a society, we largely treat emotional pain by working with the mental state that is centered on our ability to think rationally, make decisions and cope, it's no wonder there is a mindset amongst many that dismisses the effectiveness of working with emotions. Regarding it as a waste of time. Yet the affect of one state on the other, emotional and mental - mental and emotional - does influence what we are experiencing in all areas of our daily life. 

Vonne Solis  15:39  
Without the capability to go within and really understand what you are feeling, and then having the skills to process what is going on within you, you will be left with a huge imbalance of energy that presents as illness, stress, anxiety, dysfunction, disorder and endless feelings of frustration, doubt, hopelessness, mistrust of the world and your place in it, and loads of other things, all negative. 

Vonne Solis  16:09  
So Action #1. Be willing to be the change that you want. You can't change your outer world without changing your inner world. It's that simple. If you aren't willing to do the inner work today, stay open minded to the idea that one day you may feel ready for something more in your life. 

Vonne Solis  16:31  
Action #2. Do some research. So I do encourage people to conduct some light research on their own on the importance of emotional healing and intelligence to learn even further how it can help you live with more compassion and ultimately change your life. Emotional intelligence, or what I'm calling wisdom here, is even starting to influence change in some corporate landscapes. Where, in addition to prioritizing work/life balance that's been around for a few years now, the corporate culture is starting to recognize and accept that vulnerability from life experiences, including from child loss, is valued as a key measure of wisdom and authenticity in leadership skills. In fact, leaders who aren't afraid to show up in their most vulnerable state have my deepest appreciation and respect for the change they are bringing to this work landscape. I've even had some of them guest on my podcast. 

Vonne Solis  17:36  
Insight #5. Feeling Shame From Being Emotional. So feeling shame about our toughest emotions, you know, being angry, sad, fearful, prevents many people from confronting them. Especially if they've been taught to tough it out or hide their feelings, as we talked about earlier. In fact, whole generations, until more recently, have been taught exactly this. Tough it out. I've met countless people over the years, a generation older than me, who never again spoke the name of a loved one lost, including their deceased child, and their pain was obvious decades later.

Vonne Solis  18:25  
So Action #1. Is to Deconstruct Shame. We are all human. All of our emotions are valid. Expressing emotions does not make anyone less than anyone else. It's really important to remember that. Shame is just another transitory emotion that we can choose not to feel. And I know this because I've done it. 

Vonne Solis  18:56  
Action #2. Is to identify the source of your shame. So what we've been taught to think about shame is both a cultural and personal viewpoint and is dependent on why we are feeling shame. So for example, in the Western culture, losing a child or other loved one to suicide makes many, if not all suicide loss survivors feel deep shame because they could not prevent the death of their loved one. Me included. So it's really important to identify why you are feeling shame and where it's stemming from. The reason for it. 

Vonne Solis  19:37  
Action #3. Change your beliefs about shame. So for healing to even begin, it is necessary to change your beliefs about feeling shame. In order to do this, ask yourself the following three questions. 1. Why are you feeling shame? 2. Is shame a valid response to your situation? And third, how is shame impacting your self-worth and behavior? For example, do you think you are the worst person alive? Have you silenced yourself as a result of this? Do you punish yourself daily, even because you feel so ashamed? Have you isolated yourself from others? Knowing the answer to all these questions will help you reframe your belief about shame and whether in fact, your shame is valid. 

Vonne Solis  20:33  
Action #4. Is to reframe shame with self-compassion. So in order to reframe, you have to know what you're shaping your new beliefs into. And so to do this, make a conscious effort to immediately begin shifting your mindset from one that is self-critical to one that is rooted in self-compassion for all you have been through. This will help you, over time, learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes and feel gentleness for the journey you are on with increased understanding and awareness. We all can do better with knowledge and wisdom. And lastly, 

Vonne Solis  21:19  
Insight#6 is Fear of Change. So acquiring emotional wisdom comes from developing a deeper connection to self-awareness through your emotions and recognizing what you need and want to change in your life. Change can be both exciting and scary. It can feel disruptive and challenging, and one change always leads to another, kind of like dominoes. So you have to sort of be in it to win it, if you will. In other words, the moment you decide to change and transform your life, sometimes the changes and transformation just simply finds you, and you have to be willing to go along with it. Let that domino effect play out in your life. So how do you do this? 

Vonne Solis  22:08  
Your Action Step is to simply change your attitude. With an attitude of willingness to try new things, being able to adapt, remaining flexible and open to new ideas, you can explore all of the changes that you want with an adventurous spirit and the confidence you have within to trust that you can handle each step along the way. Remember, it's your decisions and your choices how you want to do your life. According to your story.

Vonne Solis  22:54  
I hope you enjoyed this coaching episode, and I invite you to follow me on the Lost in the Noise series for more great content and tips coming your way to help you create your best life. And remember to check out the previous two episodes if you want to get the full experience as we are going on a wonderful, transformative journey together. 

Vonne Solis  23:15  
Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. Until next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai