Grief Talk w/ Vonne Solis
As an Author, Angel Healing Practitioner and bereaved mom since 2005, through guest interviews and coaching, I share great content that is informative, inspiring and practical to help anyone who has suffered a loss, or other adversity, manage grief and heal. Topics focus on loss, grief advocacy, grief support, healing, personal growth and consciousness expansion for holistic wellbeing.
Grief Talk w/ Vonne Solis
Ep. 80 Beyond the Surface: Unveiling the Illusion of Pain
Welcome to Soul Sisters! A 9-part series on the Grief Talk Podcast, where with my real-life sister Brenda, we offer thought-driven and inspiring topics for your soul! In Part 6, we share how pain is an illusion and how to accept it into your life when it is part of your soul plan!
We’ll share what all of this means for us and how as sisters, we both embraced our pain and suffering years ago as part of our life plan to unveil the illusion of pain and overcome all suffering.
This series is for anyone who is bereaved, struggling or wants to enhance their life with the help of angels, a spiritual practice and a deeper connection to your inner power.
(See chapters for specific topics).
Connect with Brenda:
https://www.brendarachel4angels.com/
Brenda's book - Broken Spirit, Awakened Soul, My Journey of Healing with the Angels
https://www.amazon.com/BROKEN-SPIRIT-AWAKENED-SOUL-Journey-ebook/dp/B0CBD3QLW8/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Brenda+Rachel+Broken+Spirit&qid=1701376272&sr=8-1
Connect with Vonne:
https://vonnesolis.com/
Vonne's books:
https://vonnesolis.com/vonne-solis-books/
Living Meditations on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@livingmeditations
Coaching with Vonne:
Click on the link below to learn about my coaching services and to book a pre-coaching Zoom call if you are a serious student of life. (Limited enrollment).
https://calendly.com/vonnesolis/one-on-one-coaching-with-vonne-solis
Subscribe to the podcast! Share your favourite episodes! Connect with Vonne on LinkedIn and Facebook.
Vonne Solis 0:00
Welcome to the Soul Sisters series. Where you'll get thought-driven inspiring topics for yours soul! With Vonne Solis and Brenda Rachel.
Vonne Solis 0:30
Okay, so welcome again to our Soul Sister series. We are at Part 6. I'm Vonne. I'm Brenda. And together we are the soul sisters! Are we ever gonna get tired of that?
Brenda Rachel 0:32
I don't think so.
Vonne Solis 0:33
No, gosh. Anyway, welcome. So today at Part 6, we're going to be talking all about pain as part of our life plan. And then we're going to be moving into the paddle and the flip drill as an analogy for life. And I'm not going to give away any more right now. But we are going to be ending with that today. Last week, we did talk all about the angels. And we had so much to say we did not get to this part.
Brenda Rachel 1:01
I know.
Vonne Solis 1:01
So we're creating a special episode, just really to address the I'm going to say frustrations, depression, anxiety, stress, hopelessness, and everything else we feel when life takes a turn, and pain becomes part of our life plan. And we're going to talk a little bit about what that means, too. So let's get into it sis. You ready?
Brenda Rachel 1:30
I sure am hon.
Vonne Solis 1:31
Okay, perfect.
Brenda Rachel 1:32
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 1:32
Okay, so why don't we just get right into it and I sort of want you to focus on what you think is like the most sort of severe pain. Frustrating pain. Everything I just sort of mentioned in the intro. The depression. I know in your book, you talk a lot about your suicide attempt. A fabulous chapter. The frustration. What led you to it. Very thoughtful. We're not advocating suicide. We are acknowledging it as a very real part of life. And Brenda did have one attempt several years ago. She, you can read about it in detail in her book. We don't discuss it in detail on this Soul Sister series. But we're using our books. Her book. My books. Well you have two books in. And my books. I have a link to all those down below and there's a lot to mention here. But if you are interested, check out the links below. Because a lot of the information, well all of the information in those books really contributes to how we live our life. But set a foundation for how we would do it when pain got us. Oh, yikes and it got us. So why don't you start?
Brenda Rachel 3:03
Okay, so where I was most impacted, my pain, was in my early days of Fibro before I understood what fibromyalgia was, and that I had it.
Vonne Solis 3:13
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 3:13
And I, because it affected all areas of my body, I had no idea what was going on. So, you know, it was very, it was very frustrating. Because everywhere hurt.
Vonne Solis 3:27
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 3:27
So if you go to a doctor, and you say everywhere hurts, but it's like the flu? Because I kept getting told I had the flu.
Vonne Solis 3:33
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 3:33
So anyway, I had to eventually, once I knew that this was ongoing, and that nobody really could help me diagnose what I had, I had to just embrace the idea that this was part of my life. And that I was, I never knew when I was going to be hit with having to be off. Quote off from work with the flu.
Vonne Solis 3:39
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 3:41
And so I just because of at that time, I was studying to be, start wanted to be a Science of Mind Minister.
Vonne Solis 4:08
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 4:08
And so I was really embracing the idea of understanding that my body in its perfect whole and complete state was the truth for me on this planet. But I was having a hard time believing it in my physical mind.
Vonne Solis 4:26
Yeah. So when you say so just sec so when you say truth that was your spiritual truth.
Brenda Rachel 4:31
That was my
Vonne Solis 4:31
resonating with your soul.
Brenda Rachel 4:33
Yes.
Vonne Solis 4:34
That you're not here to suffer and be in this pain.
Brenda Rachel 4:38
Correct. And so and so the dichotomy was for me
Vonne Solis 4:42
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 4:43
if you're trying to embark on a path of being a practitioner, and then go into ministry school to be a minister, but you have all this going on in your body that isn't healing and even though I was doing my prayer treatments, et cetera, et cetera.
Vonne Solis 5:02
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 5:02
For for it.
Vonne Solis 5:03
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 5:03
It was like, What am I missing here?
Vonne Solis 5:06
Right.
Brenda Rachel 5:06
Why is why is this student not getting the lesson?
Vonne Solis 5:10
I know.
Brenda Rachel 5:10
And so it was so for me very, very, very frustrating.
Vonne Solis 5:14
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 5:15
And I almost thought like, maybe I'm not meant to be a minister because I don't get it. Quote get it.
Vonne Solis 5:22
Right.
Brenda Rachel 5:23
And so that was like so devastating to me because I was going down that path. And I had been for like, two years prior to when this all happened. But it all happened. So I'm just saying that for me, dealing with the reality on the physical plane, and knowing what the reality, which I'll call the truth, the spiritual truth.
Vonne Solis 5:47
Yep.
Brenda Rachel 5:48
On the spiritual plane?
Vonne Solis 5:49
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 5:50
It was like I was transporting myself between two worlds.
Vonne Solis 5:54
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 5:54
So I'd be laying on the floor writhing in pain and saying, like, I know my body is in perfect health. I know my body is in perfect health.
Vonne Solis 6:03
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 6:04
And not being able to or something similar to that.
Vonne Solis 6:07
Yeah. Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 6:08
And not being able to get up off the floor and go feed myself to go to bed.
Vonne Solis 6:13
You see the di you see the dichotomy audience.
Brenda Rachel 6:16
Yeah. And so anyway, I was having, so I was having such a struggle, such a struggle within myself. To, Do I carry on? Do I carry on? And so finally, what happened, with my classes.
Vonne Solis 6:27
Oh, with your classes.
Brenda Rachel 6:28
With my classes.
Vonne Solis 6:29
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 6:29
Right. And eventually so what happened was, that was taken out of my hands. It just became too difficult for me because at this point, I was still working full-time.
Vonne Solis 6:38
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 6:38
Except when I was off with my flu days.
Vonne Solis 6:41
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 6:42
And coming home from work.
Vonne Solis 6:44
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 6:44
So an hour and a half commute home, and turning around and driving an hour, or an hour or to over an hour to my class each way.
Vonne Solis 6:52
Oh, gosh.
Brenda Rachel 6:52
In the evening.
Vonne Solis 6:53
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 6:53
And twice a week.
Vonne Solis 6:54
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 6:55
Until finally I couldn't do it. And so I said to myself that this is my earthly truth. That I am in a lot of pain. And I know out there, a lot of you are suffering with physical and emotional pain. And when you come to your breaking point, and a lot of us do where we just have to turn it over to our higher power. God. Source. Whatever we want to call it, and just say, whatever. And in my case, I decided to try to commit suicide because of a number of reasons which are in my book. But in any any event, and that attempt was intervened by the angels. So I'm still here.
Brenda Rachel 7:40
So anyway, living with the pain, you know, is just a part of who I am, today. Still to today. And I accept that the physical pain is, is an earthly, natural affliction. And I choose to accept that I've created this. So I don't blame any anybody or any entity or anything for why I'm sick. Like God made me sick, or to learn something or whatever. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I know that this is totally my creation of all the things that I've experienced and that will continue to experience while I'm on earth. And I'm hoping they get less and less and more infrequently. But it also helps me to stay really balanced in knowing and really affirming inside myself of my spiritual truth. I just know what the spiritual truth that I and I keep saying that even now that I am perfect, whole and complete. I am perfect, whole and complete. And I just know, for me, that just resonates inside. Like I just feel just rejuvenated when, when I say those words to me, right? I came here as a spiritual being to live a human existence. And I'm doing the best that I can with this human existence. But I really want to just live a spiritual truth. Live it as spiritually as I can, you know?
Vonne Solis 9:14
Yeah. It's so interesting. And one of the reasons we're talking about this today audience is because we are basically conditioned in my experience as a bereaved mother who lost a daughter in 2005, to suicide. So that's my pain point. And so ditto to everything you basically said. Just because we experience the pain in different ways, it will express mentally, emotionally physically. And I mean, I mean, we're sick spiritually when that happens. If we're in touch with our spiritual selves, and we've talked about that in previous episodes. So, you know, we discuss all of of in the first couple of episodes how we arrived at our spiritual you know, connection and even our purpose work. So we're not going to talk about that today.
Vonne Solis 10:04
But the physical and you and I have you and I have had so many conversations over the years about this. When there's the pressure on us to, especially when you go in as a, like a minister or practitioner. You want to help others. You want to teach right? I will wager a majority of leaders, right? In any, in any industry, that is on that stage. On that podium at the top, you know, having to be the example, will basically hide all their flaws, their pain, their vulnerabilities. Their complete authenticity because our society, and I've talked about this ad nauseam, does not allow us to be truthful with ourselves and in society, with our pain.
Vonne Solis 10:58
And it's just such a sorrowful, sorrowful thing for me to have had to come to realize through the loss of Janaya, and be in bereavement for 18 years, and not feeling supported in a number of ways. And I'm going to say, and, you know, you can maybe comment. When we're ill. When we are disabled.When we are limited. When we are dealing with any kind of, you know, illness, it doesn't even have to be a disease. It can just be a recurring chronic illness such as I struggled with for years and years since basically 2009. And I'm getting that under control. But we do feel isolated, don't you think?
Brenda Rachel 11:50
Absolutely. Isolated and also, I would say discriminated against. Because in especially like for me, I was working in a very large office of 350 people. Continually going to work. But when I was off sick, I'd be off sick longer than anybody else. And,
Vonne Solis 12:09
Yeah. I'm writing that down to come back to.
Brenda Rachel 12:12
Right. And so, and I just felt that I was being looked at by the my superiors, that I was trying to take advantage of the system. Like buck the system and all that kind of stuff.
Vonne Solis 12:29
Oh?
Brenda Rachel 12:29
And that made me even whether that was truthful or not truthful I don't know. But that's how I felt. And
Vonne Solis 12:36
Oh, wait, I just have to ask. So you thought that they were judging you and thinking that because you were ill longer than other people? It took you let me rephrase that it took you longer to recover than other people?
Brenda Rachel 12:51
It took me and it was never recovered through the illness. I would still come back ill to work.
Vonne Solis 12:55
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 12:55
I could actually
Vonne Solis 12:56
Me too. Me too.
Brenda Rachel 12:58
Yeah. And you know all about that.
Vonne Solis 12:59
Oh, gosh, yeah.
Brenda Rachel 12:59
Dragging your rear end in to work.
Vonne Solis 13:00
Yeah. Yeah Yeah. So you thought they were judging you, but you don't know if that's a real fact. But they might have been. Because as they call it, quiet firing today? I'm going to wager. Sorry, employers and corporate, you know, America and corporate global. The expectation to show up and
Vonne Solis 13:01
Perform all your duties.
Brenda Rachel 13:05
That's what I had to do where I worked.
Vonne Solis 13:31
Because you can be replaced. And in some cultures, this is much more evident than others. But when you're that person that tries to show up. And this is what I sort of frame in my life as limitations I've had to learn to live with, over the years. Not understanding them for many, many years, by the way. And when I finally did start to understand them. And this for me is living with post-traumatic stress disorder, which I manage, and you know, anxiety goes along with that. And then the chronic flu-like illnesses I would get repeatedly. And I love what you say about, well love it, but I'm going to acknowledge what you say because I resonate with it. You go back to work, but you're you're still not well.
Brenda Rachel 14:20
Correct.
Vonne Solis 14:21
You're just well enough to do the job until you get you know, taken out. I used to say I'm out of the game again.
Brenda Rachel 14:28
Yep.
Vonne Solis 14:29
And you know.
Brenda Rachel 14:30
Here we go again.
Vonne Solis 14:31
For a long time when I was really really sick, I had fantastic employers that allowed me to work at home. So I'd be sitting there like this, but still working because I wanted to save my sick days and do the job. And and a lot of that was just basically being so out of touch with what was really going on with me. Which was now nine years , ten years later after living with PTSD, and not knowing that. It was just decimating my body. Fortunately, angels, my creation, call it what you want. I never got a disease that took me out for permanent life disability, but some people do.
Vonne Solis 15:27
And I'm not going to talk today at all about what I think that grief and sorrow, you know, does to us inside. That low, horrible energy. That toxicity of illness. But I do believe it is responsible for a number of diseases and death. And I knew that wasn't, that was not an option, a possibility for me if I didn't look after myself, and pay attention to myself. And so I just want to throw in here. So for me, it wasn't about healing it. Well, it was for a number of years until it wasn't a few years ago. And just what you said. Accepting this is part of my life.
Brenda Rachel 16:12
Right.
Vonne Solis 16:13
And lowering the bar significantly, what I had set for myself to be perfectly healed. Because I, like you. Wasn't studying to be a minister, but an Angel Healing practitioner. An example for others how to not get stuck in your cycle. Not get stuck in the pain. But then I switched my body of work about five years ago to, No. Let's honour it. We're human. We're human. And I was thinking I was getting I think I was getting it wrong by wanting the physical to need to represent the represent the inner. What you said. Our spiritual truth. We are perfect whole and healthy. Right?
Brenda Rachel 17:05
Perfect whole and complete.
Vonne Solis 17:06
For you. So mine is perfect, whole and healthy. But I'm already that inside. And when I gave up, I had an epiphany probably like several months ago, where I'm like, It's okay if you don't quite reflect that on the outside yet or ever. Honour that that's your truth inside and live from the inside out.
Brenda Rachel 17:31
Exactly. Exactly. And I absolutely, absolutely, absolutely love that. Because when I'm sitting at home, and I'm feeling like really not well. And only I know, like what my gauge is.
Vonne Solis 17:46
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 17:46
But I sit there and I go huh. But today's a good day. Because it isn't as bad as it was before. And so because I know how really bad was. So when I have like a day that's not that bad, it's like, okay, I'm not there yet on the yardstick to where I want to be.
Vonne Solis 18:06
Right.
Brenda Rachel 18:07
But I'm not where I was.
Vonne Solis 18:08
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 18:09
So.
Vonne Solis 18:10
So I want to also talk a little bit. So I want to first of all I want to acknowledge. So for anybody watching this or listening to this on audio, I really encourage people. And I think you'd agree with me, sis, to just really, if you're not perfect on the outside, health-wise or in any other way? It's A-okay. Because my belief is that when we embrace that perfection inside, changes will occur on the outside as well.
Brenda Rachel 18:42
Correct. Absolutely.
Vonne Solis 18:44
So, you know, just just think about that.
Brenda Rachel 18:47
I believe that 1,000%.
Vonne Solis 18:49
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 18:50
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 18:50
Yeah. So I do want to, I do want to move a little bit to so we're living with we honour the physical. For me, it was like a huge difference in my healing journey. In my grief. I've always stated from the very, very beginning when I published my first book, Divine Healing, that not everyone is capable and achieves the healing that others might look at as optimal full healing. But whatever it is for you, that's okay. And we talk about we talk about gauges. And you need to well, you don't need to, but I set them for myself, because I think, I'd like you to speak about this a little bit too. And then I want to come I want to circle back to having this pain with perfect spiritual health as the contrast. And kind of what we think about that. Because we've also talked about, you know, the contrast that this world you know, is is unlimited in in terms of light, dark. You know, happy, sad. Healthy, ill, etc, etc. There's a contrast and an opposite for just about everything on this planet. So, in this world of contrast, pain is a reality.
Brenda Rachel 20:09
Absolutely.
Vonne Solis 20:10
For many, many people.
Brenda Rachel 20:12
And all kinds of pain.
Vonne Solis 20:14
Right. Right. So for me, it doesn't really matter where the pain comes from. It's just pain. And suffering by the way, when I looked at what's the difference between pain and suffering? So suffering is just really in agony for a long period of time about the pain. It just, you know, and we can suffer for years. We can suffer for a lifetime. And so, in terms of I want to talk a little bit about, before we get to, as I said, this spiritual, it's part of the life plan that we create. But this idea that when we understand the pain, I still think in the human body, it is our choice, to decide how we want to live with that pain. And not giving into it. Like, I guess, in simplest terms, we can either give into it. Just, you know, make no decision about it, and live with it. And by giving into it, and living with it, I think there can be extremes about what we like, some people just want to keep getting sicker, and sicker and sicker. And be treated, and, you know, and with respect, you know, commiserate with others that also are living really crappy lives and life dealt them a really bad hand. And, you know, and all of that. And if that's the way you're living, that is your truth.
Vonne Solis 21:52
But I also think that it makes a difference, like so that the fine line between it being part of our Soul incarnation for other reasons. And then just it, you know, like honouring it, and just respecting it and accepting it really, in the simplest terms, as I got this. What do I want to do with it? And this is why you'll see different people with varying diseases. You know, needing, you know, dealing with this with just almost incredible things like and triumphing over it. And others of us will sit back and go, How'd they do that? Like, you know, I could never do that. And they serve as inspiration.
Vonne Solis 22:37
And so we could argue that one's intrinsic attitude towards life, cup half full cup empty. I'm going to beat this. I'm going to, I'm sick. And you know, it's just going to get worse, right? Like, there are all different ways to approach living with pain. But I never wanted to get stuck in it. How about you? So it's, it's sort of so for me, I just want to quickly say. So not wanting to get stuck in it, but yet not being able to deny the fact that I am a bereaved Mother. I'm, I'm bereaved, I'm a bereaved daughter. We lost both our parents. So in the truest sense of the word, we're orphaned. I don't know if you can be orphaned as an adult, but we have no parents. We've lost you know, a lot of a lot of family. And, but none of those deaths have really rocked me. Janaya's was like, you know, laid me on the floor.
Vonne Solis 23:31
So while I can't deny the bereavement, just like maybe you can't deny the Fibro or anybody else out there living with something that's incurable. And I think Fibro is incurable still, right?
Brenda Rachel 23:42
There's no cure for it.
Vonne Solis 23:43
Right. And so there's other diseases out there that aren't incurable. So we're just likening the two together. Using them both as the analogy for when you are in this reality of something that can just drag you down and keep coming at you. And you never know like for you, you might never know when a symptom's gonna hit and take you down. And you're, you know, part of your body's gonna give out or you don't have energy or you're sick or you know, whatever.
Vonne Solis 24:12
And so also for those of us in bereavement, you know we never know the triggers that are going to set us back. It could be temporary, but you know, the longer we're in this stuff, you live with it. You know, there's that sorrow. There's that part of your heart missing. It's not going to be replaced. And the mistake I believe that a lot of people in bereavement. Just a shout out for those who are bereaved dealing with difficult loss. Make, is the fact that they try and repair that. They try and, well it happened. Push it away. They don't really get into the nit grit of the pain and really face it. And I think that is also, while we're not talking about that today. I think that's a huge piece in in one, being able to make a choice to decide, do you know do you want to stay at the worst of this? Or do you want to do what you can to accept it. But still, like you say, ah is a good day today. Today wasn't as bad as another day.
Vonne Solis 25:12
And my guess is you have more of those than really super bad days now in your life would you say? But the other piece I didn't, I want to acknowledge here and I, I didn't say it earlier, because I forgot it. But we are really, you know, when we were talking about going back to work. And you have to go back sick, or in some cases, you don't even have time to grieve. Really grieve. You gotta put it off, because the job is a calling. You gotta make the paycheck. So I call it sort of the economy of grief. Everything has a timeline, and a dollar figure when it deals with our pain. And that is another huge
Brenda Rachel 25:59
Because when we're working for an employer.
Vonne Solis 26:02
Sure. But even when you're not. And and just getting a job, you know, and feeling like you're saying discriminated against and you can't work. The dollar figure is you're broke. And there's not enough support and resources, pensions disability, to help people.
Brenda Rachel 26:24
No, but what I meant.
Vonne Solis 26:26
But I get what you're saying.
Brenda Rachel 26:27
It's different for people who absolutely have to go into a work place and report to somebody to get their food on the table. Rather than somebody who's has that under their own control and their own responsibility.
Vonne Solis 26:44
Right.
Brenda Rachel 26:44
And they can figure that out themselves.
Vonne Solis 26:46
But here's the thing. I think that there are millions of people that and we've had this conversation before. So you and I both retired. And you know, we're doing our own other thing. But I could never go and work for someone again. We've talked about this.
Brenda Rachel 27:06
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 27:06
And so in terms of just throwing in this to think about it in economic terms. I have to plan a life where I know, I could never punch a clock again. And so for those people, and I don't know how many of the, you know, audience members watching this or listening to this, are in that situation. But there will be a percentage of people that I'm sure are resonating with you and I are saying because you said you can't punch a clock again, either.
Brenda Rachel 27:39
No.
Vonne Solis 27:40
You're done.
Brenda Rachel 27:40
No. I cannot keep any kind of time frame for anything. Everything I do in a day is just as as it unfolds.
Vonne Solis 27:48
Right. But you could never go and get a job is what I'm saying. You could never go and work for someone else again. And we see where we live. I won't say the name of the city, but we see a lot a lot a lot of seniors. We're both seniors, by the way. Seniors! No and anyway. And, and, and we are seniors and you know, I'm I'm a baby senior for sure. And just in my mid 60s. But we're at that point where we can collect some pensions and in our country in Canada, they are decent. You know, they're okay. And and then if you've worked, you have, you know, in Canada, either a paid pension. So you know, so enough just to say we have enough income at the moment to support ourselves where we're not, you know, feeling threatened by economics. But we in our small city, we see a lot of seniors working, don't we?
Brenda Rachel 27:48
Oh absolutely, absolutely.
Brenda Rachel 28:04
Oh my god. And one fellow I talk to weekly at one of my favourite grocery stores and he's over 80.
Vonne Solis 28:50
Holy Smoly.
Vonne Solis 28:50
Mid 80s. And I've said you know, and listen. There might be some people, for sure a percentage of people who want to work. Go punch a clock and do certain jobs, because they just love it so much and they want to keep busy and active. More power to them. But really, we're speaking about the reality here where people can't make ends meet. And certainly with increasing, you know, economic stresses around the world, our health plays such a huge factor in in well, really bottom line whether or not we feel safe.
Brenda Rachel 29:31
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Vonne Solis 29:33
Are we, do we feel safe today? And what if something happens? What if something happens and my health has taken me you know, down a turn, you know, where like, I'm I'm really kind of like done. And anyway, I don't want to go down that rabbit hole too too much, but I'm just saying these things play out the longer you're living with a health issue. Or you're living with something that is can threaten to take you down or it happens suddenly, and you're not prepared for it. And whatever country you live in, you know, you may have better medical care than other countries, or worse. I don't know. But the fact is that pain is just part of of what we live with. And you know it, it provides that contrast, I wanted to next get in next get into a little bit.
Vonne Solis 30:34
So I think we've pretty much identified here we live with pain. We manage, and have approached it and decided how we want to live our lives with something that is always going to be there as part of our incarnation. Our experience. And I will have to honestly say here, though. There's nothing else completely in my life, other than losing Janaya in 2005 that would be painful for me. It could have been painful at the time, but gone. I was able to deal with it. Nope. Doesn't form a part of my life.
Vonne Solis 31:12
So when she died, I well I was living very differently. I was living the life that I envisioned at every stage. And so that really threw me for a loop. And so like you were saying, going back just a little bit. So you're, you know, studying to be a minister. Do I give this up? Do I not give this up? So for me, it was more about Holy crap. Is this what I created? Believing up to that point for 23 years and having my practice. My spiritual practice, and loving everything to do with metaphysics. You know, where there, you know, everything happens in the unseen and all that stuff, right? How could I have chosen this? Right?
Vonne Solis 31:56
So let's, let's talk a little bit about when we choose pain as part of the life plan. And, and it goes back a little bit to honouring that perfect wholeness, completeness, health within us as the as our truths. As our Truth. But then finding that balance. Isn't that what you would say, I mean, that saved me. Accept, like understanding and accepting that for my Truth? Is literally what has saved me and kept me going.
Brenda Rachel 32:32
What do you mean by that?
Vonne Solis 32:35
To
Brenda Rachel 32:36
Like that you created your situation?
Vonne Solis 32:38
Oh, just yeah, but I keep going with my work. Keep wanting to achieve my ultimate healing before I die.
Brenda Rachel 32:46
Right.
Vonne Solis 32:46
Because I know what I'm capable of.
Brenda Rachel 32:48
I was just gonna say
Vonne Solis 32:49
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 32:49
For myself, is that I think it was very clear, what was shown very clearly to me, that my fibro, which was my very first of four disabilities, led me down a path of trying to commit suicide, which the angels intervened in. So that kept me on the planet and I gave up my ministerial studies. But what became very evident was that I had no purpose. And so once I gave up my ministerial studies, it was like, Okay, what now? And so I just kept going through each day. But I came into all of my extracurricular activities that I just really, really enjoyed. My rafting and paddling and all that kind of stuff. And so that became my focus. The extracurricular and I became part of a team.
Vonne Solis 33:46
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 33:46
Several teams.
Vonne Solis 33:47
Like it felt like a community sort of for you?
Brenda Rachel 33:49
Correct. Correct. And so because my, when I was studying, I had my spiritual classmates in my in my group. And then all of a sudden, it was like, Okay, I'm not going to class anymore.
Vonne Solis 33:50
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 33:50
When I got better.
Vonne Solis 33:50
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 33:51
And so I was still working, working, working all day long, and long commutes and stuff like that, but no outside activities. And then all of a sudden, I got into rafting and Dragon Boat Racing. And so I had people around me.
Vonne Solis 34:19
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 34:19
And stuff to do on the weekend, and all that kind of stuff.
Vonne Solis 34:22
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 34:22
Which was very, very important. But what became evident as I continued along, and three more disabilities, but through those, it became very evident of what my purpose was. Because I had no idea of what my purpose was up until that point. And like, Why was I on earth? Like I was just taking up space. Like I was just a human being taking up wasted space here. And like, let somebody else who really wants to be here, be here because I'm doing nothing. I'm just going to work every day.
Vonne Solis 34:54
And by the way, I just want to say a lot of people and I obviously have a vested interest in understanding suicide. And, you know, and so from the psychiatric perspective of work I've read, you know, anytime, you know, they've really studies and things like that. And, you know, the number one thing is the people that do leave us by suicide, just really feel that they're not going to be missed. And like, so you're saying, like, you're taking up space. And so none of us are taking up space. But if that's the way you feel, then that is your truth.
Vonne Solis 35:30
And when you know, and when you tie that into and pain makes us feel like that, because of the pressures to, you know, be competitive. Alpha. You know, that we're the right person for the job, you know? And, and all of that stuff. And so we've already talked about that earlier in this episode. But would you say then, when you connected to your purpose. Your gift. I had a guest on not long ago. We talked about she sees purpose as a gift, and she's the generation, you know, be behind us. And I love that. What's your gift? Because if you don't, purpose is such a big word. So if you don't know, purpose, well what are you good at? What makes you feel like wise, even if you feel you can't do it now or ever again?
Vonne Solis 36:20
But what I want to tap into here is when you tapped into that, and it was your music. Well the writing and the composing and then your quotes and all that. Did you understand the incarnation and how you had designed this pain? This you know, disability? The contrast with this inner perfection? Did that become sort of more clear for you?
Brenda Rachel 36:48
Yes, it did. And I think like it was not until I had already done the music album. And I had already started my website, and all that. But anyways, I didn't and I still didn't know what my purpose was. I wasn't doing these things. So it really was only until I became very involved with the angels, because that was in 2006. And so I had already been given the music album. I'd already done my six songs.
Vonne Solis 37:17
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Brenda Rachel 37:17
And so, but still didn't realize it was the angels that was channelling it.
Vonne Solis 37:22
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 37:22
Well, I was becoming aware. But not that I had a purpose with them. I still didn't understand.
Vonne Solis 37:28
Okay, so when you did. When you did? Did it all make sense?
Brenda Rachel 37:31
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 37:31
This is
Brenda Rachel 37:32
This is why
Vonne Solis 37:33
This is why you're here.
Brenda Rachel 37:34
I didn't die. This is why I was saved. For me, it was the angels who saved me. I made that really, really clear in my book. That I without, with 1,000% know it was the angels that saved me.
Vonne Solis 37:48
Yeah, well they sure as heck saved me too. So you know.
Brenda Rachel 37:52
Yep, exactly. And so, from that point forward, once I knew that I was here to do something for them. Then things began to unfold.
Vonne Solis 38:02
Okay.
Brenda Rachel 38:02
And, you know, yeah.
Vonne Solis 38:04
So and so for me, I'm just saying. So I knew immediately. As soon as literally as, as within I just would say days, but no later than weeks. I, when Janaya died, I was already, like, so invested with wanting to make a difference in the way that we understand you know, loss, death and experience grief. And that mission for me has never changed. So I accepted right from the beginning this, while it was difficult and kind of like, as I said earlier, what did I just create for myself? At the same time, I took responsibility for designing the life. That it was this way and Janaya played her part in it. And I actually thanked her and kind of turned it over the years into a little bit of a a joke between us. Her in the afterlife and like, "Alight, so you were the one that left and kudos to you. It took a lot of guts to do what you did". Again, not advocating suicide, but it was a reality. It's the way it's the way it happened.
Vonne Solis 38:04
And I absolutely, a lot of people say oh, they took the coward's way out. I disagree wholeheartedly. That's all I'm gonna say about that. And then I'd just sometimes would turn it into, "No, no problem, babe. I gotcha. I can I can do this in this life. We took this on together to make a difference." And that difference, as I say was to advocate for the bereaved and in every aspect of my work. And what I wanted to say about that was you know, I still have people telling me. I'll have guests on or whatever. And they'll say, Oh, your daughter's still working with you or, you know, she's such a powerful presence in all of your work and you know, etc, and what a legacy.
Vonne Solis 40:09
So while we may not like, and this is the point I'm getting to this is the pain. We may not like, the experience of the pain and how it's come to us. But it sure does leave us with a lot of choices in terms of what we want to do with it. Doesn't it?
Brenda Rachel 40:29
It sure does.
Vonne Solis 40:30
And I write about in Divine Healing, and I have a self-help practice in the back of that book, where I talk about embracing pain as your tool for change. It's a it's a principle I grabbed onto many, many, many years ago. Because I think, again, it was with the background and understanding and accepting this as my creation, and what you know that I was going to do something positive with it. And what I want to say about when we don't accept it as our creation and Brenda and I don't push any of our ideas on anybody. We're just, this, we're just talking about it.
Brenda Rachel 41:05
Not at all.
Vonne Solis 41:05
This is this is what we do. This is, this is our reality. But when you accept your life is your creation. Whether or not you take it into the Divine, or you're just gonna limit it to the human experience, you don't get to blame anybody else for where you are, who you are, or what is happening in your life. You manage your life. And you learn to embrace it and actually manifest and create wonderful things for it, rather than sitting back and letting things happen to you, which then you can blame other people or your circumstances for. And we're just not wired like that.
Brenda Rachel 41:43
No.
Vonne Solis 41:44
I never heard you once over the decades complain about your pain or situation. Ever.
Brenda Rachel 41:50
I didn't.
Vonne Solis 41:50
I know. So we're very blessed. So even when we look at soul contracts, and I've done a coaching episode on on soul contracts, to talk all about it, so we're not going to talk about it here. But when we talk about soul contracts, you know, you and I contracted to be sisters in this life.
Brenda Rachel 42:12
We absolutely did and we contracted to do this show together.
Vonne Solis 42:16
Sure. So everything we do, you know, is is you can take it down to minutia if you want to. But on the larger scale. Coming from the same family. The whole reason for this series is, you know, to share with other people how two very, very different people come together as sisters. Polar opposite experiences. Come from the same dysfunction, and ended up basically in a very similar place. Both of us definitely, definitely conduits for angels. For angelic work, and trying to make a difference. And I believe making a difference in our small way in all of the work we do and how we conduct ourselves. That's the reason for the the Soul Sisters series as a legacy to help others and for each other to remember who we were. Because it's going to be really weird when one of us goes and the other is not here and you kind of go, Oh my God. And then we'll be able to look back at this and assuming that they still have video technology, you know, whenever that happens. But anyway, and go, Oh my god, we had some powerful messages to share with each other, and the world. And I see that very much as our pain bringing us together.
Brenda Rachel 43:43
Well, I was just gonna say that out of our darkness. Each of our darknesses. Dark dark places in our lives, we have chosen to be lights.
Vonne Solis 43:54
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 43:55
And bring light to the world.
Vonne Solis 43:56
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 43:56
From two totally different realms of darkness.
Vonne Solis 44:00
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 44:01
And
Vonne Solis 44:02
It's cool.
Brenda Rachel 44:03
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 44:03
It's cool. Let's move really quickly before we end up you know, top of the hour with this episode talking about the paddle and flip drill. So Brenda mentioned earlier that you know you did mention you got into rafting, dragon boating. All of this stuff. But in your book you talk about this whole thing about being having you know, the the paddle and flip drill exercise before hitting any rapids.
Brenda Rachel 44:30
Yeah, no. So what exactly what it was is the flip drill was as soon as we got our life jackets on and stood around in a group at the edge of the river before we actually got in the raft to paddle down the river, we were told that we would have to have a flip drill. And so all of us who just been our first time we had no clue what this was, So I can still remember that feeling of, Oh my god.
Vonne Solis 44:58
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 44:58
Are they gonna dump us out in the middle of like some turbulent rapids, or like I had no idea.
Vonne Solis 45:04
So I just have to quickly interject. Because this is an analogy for life, are you thinking at this point. First time you go rafting. First flip drill. That you're just gonna get in the raft. And yeah, there might be a few currents and rapids but you're not going to fall out and you're going to be safe and you're going to coast through the ride?
Brenda Rachel 45:21
No, no.
Vonne Solis 45:22
Or did you anticipate?
Brenda Rachel 45:23
No, no. I knew exactly. They told us, they told us they would be flipping the raft. So we all knew standing there, holding our paddles. Our first time ever. Like we were, you know, up to maybe knee deep in water or whatever. Not up to our thighs yet. But then we had to swim out to the rafts, which were a little ways away from the shoreline. Swim out to the rafts. We had to hurl ourselves into the raft with our paddle. And so we all had to learn how to do that in our you know, wetsuits and our heavy and our life jackets. Everything heavy, very cumbersome. So how life can sometimes be really cumbersome.
Vonne Solis 45:23
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 45:59
And we're going on some kind of a journey, health journey, whatever. And so we went about, I don't know 200 meters, maybe two minutes down the river because it was very slow current at the beginning. And then it started. The rapids started.
Vonne Solis 46:15
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 46:15
Very light rapids.
Vonne Solis 46:16
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 46:17
Into heavier rapids. So in the class two rapids, not the class one, but class two. Class five, it is almost unrunnable. Class six is not runnable. So we're in class two so pretty they the guide flips. We're all paddling.
Vonne Solis 46:33
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 46:33
And he says, okay, paddles up! And then he says, I'm going to flip the raft now. So he flips the raft. So we all go out however we go out.
Vonne Solis 46:44
Yep.
Brenda Rachel 46:44
Do our somersaults whatever. Land there. So we have our paddles and we're in the midst of this current and we have to swim back to the raft holding our paddle. Because you never let go of your paddle. And haul ourselves in. And let me tell you the first time I ever did that it was harder for me to get into the raft obviously then get out of the raft. But I was more scared getting into the raft because I didn't know if I could do it because it was so bulky. And
Vonne Solis 47:10
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 47:11
I'm gonna try haul myself in moving rapids.
Vonne Solis 47:13
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 47:14
And so and there's nobody to help you. Everybody's trying to get it in themselves.
Vonne Solis 47:19
Oh my goodness. So there's no order to people getting back into the raft.
Brenda Rachel 47:23
Not one at a time.
Vonne Solis 47:24
So it's sort of like like the fittest will survive.
Brenda Rachel 47:30
However, saying that the the steers person is who's always a guide is and then there's five passengers or paddlers. He's in the raft and so he's holding his paddle there to keep the raft as steady as he can in the calmer calmer rapids, right? So I guess maybe I'll say maybe heavy class one to class moving into a class two we would we would the raft would be flipped.
Vonne Solis 47:59
But you can't feel the bottom.
Brenda Rachel 48:00
It wasn't like still water where they just go and flip the raft.
Vonne Solis 48:04
No no. So you you can't feel the bottom
Vonne Solis 48:06
of the river. You're you're there
Brenda Rachel 48:09
You're into water over your head.
Vonne Solis 48:11
in these rapids and life is happening either for or to you and you gotta get yourself back in back into the raft.
Brenda Rachel 48:20
With your paddle.
Vonne Solis 48:21
Yeah. And and even sometimes as much as we're trained or whatever. So this is the analogy for life. As much as we're trained these things can make us panic. And did anybody ever have trouble getting back into the raft?
Brenda Rachel 48:35
Oh yeah. And so like all of us who had already gotten in or you know and many times I needed help. And so there would be somebody who already like a big strong burlap person who'd already got in the raft and so everybody extended their arms out.
Vonne Solis 48:48
So community. Oh, I'll give you a hand. You can't get in? I'll give you a hand.
Brenda Rachel 48:55
Nobody, obviously nobody's left behind.
Vonne Solis 48:57
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 48:58
No no. And and the raft to be fair. It didn't keep going down the river when there were like five people in the water. He held the raft in a, you know in a very slow like whatever
Vonne Solis 49:11
Right.
Brenda Rachel 49:11
position so that it gave time for everybody to get there. I mean, we didn't have to swim a mile to the raft or anything like that. We were flipped out. You end up maybe I don't know two or three feet from the raft.
Vonne Solis 49:25
Right.
Brenda Rachel 49:25
So it's a very short you know, swim back to the raft.
Vonne Solis 49:29
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 49:29
But it's very, you're hit with the ice ice ice cold water of the river.
Vonne Solis 49:34
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 49:34
So first of all, you're hit with something that not expecting that to it to be temperature.
Vonne Solis 49:39
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 49:40
And and then to like, the hardest hardest part was for me to try and get in. And so I said, I've always said I landed like a beached whale. I go over the side and I land in the middle of the boat on my stomach, right?
Vonne Solis 49:55
Well, I wouldn't even andn you ultimately rafted class 4 right?
Brenda Rachel 49:59
Yep.
Vonne Solis 49:59
So you know, experienced rafter here. And I wouldn't even get, listen, it's I say, Oh, wouldn't that be great to raft down you know, the Grand Canyon? The bottom I think it's the Colorado River. I'm not sure what river it is. But anyway, No! It's not gonna happen. So kudos. But the point that when I read that in your book and you were talking about it, you know, and we we are using that today as a as an analogy for life.
Brenda Rachel 49:59
So my analogy that I wrote about in my book, that it just became so clear when the angels were channelling the book, to me. Most of the book to me. The steers person is God. And the life raft are the angels. And my paddle is my faith and trust in God.
Vonne Solis 50:44
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 50:44
And so that was the analgoy I got. That without God as my steers person. And the angels being the life raft that are holding me on planet Earth, through everything that I go through. And my paddle, which you never let go of, which is my faith and trust in God. I would never get through all of the strenuous strenuous rapids that I have traversed on this planet in health.
Vonne Solis 51:12
Right.
Brenda Rachel 51:12
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 51:13
That's the point. With the rapids being the stuff that life throws at you. And you're knocked out of your safety.
Brenda Rachel 51:24
Well you're knocked off balance for sure. For sure.
Vonne Solis 51:27
Well, I was completely decimated by the death of Janaya.
Brenda Rachel 51:30
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 51:31
I'm not even the same person I was before her death, which you can attest to. And 18 years on, you know, there might be a smidgen of the old Vonne in in me, but
Brenda Rachel 51:47
Not really.
Vonne Solis 51:48
Not really, right? Because, yeah.
Brenda Rachel 51:50
I'd say you're completely different.
Brenda Rachel 51:52
Correct.
Vonne Solis 51:52
I don't even remember who I was before the death of my daughter. But I do know I am an improved person. And it doesn't mean I was not a good person before. It just means I'm an incredibly enhanced person. I regret the circumstances that brought me to this enhancement. This evolvement that I have achieved. Which is the optimal for me. Remembering in my incarnation, I have chosen to be the brightest shining light I can and to get my lessons here to the fullest degree. So that, should I have a moment to reflect before my passing? I will be able to be proud to say, You did, you gave it everything you got. Ya did good. I know that's grammatically incorrect, but that's my whole purpose. For me what I want to achieve going forward.
Vonne Solis 52:54
And that encompasses a gazillion things, you know. Being the best for everybody. And connection and respect, and love for everybody. My family and being the best I can for me. You know, because then they benefit and everybody else benefits. Nobody benefits when we're suffering. Nobody. And people don't want to be around us when we're in pain and moaning and groaning and suffering.
Vonne Solis 53:21
You know and so the other thing, I think that's very uplifting, and I wanted to say and I just love that analogy. My analogy was when Mom was alive and again, it's so interesting, because we use the rapids, you know. Unbeknownst to me, you're using the same thing. But mom, and she passed in 2010. And it was a sudden death, right? And she's 78 and boom, she's there. And then she's not there. And, but she would always say whenever I was coming up against some, you know, struggles, or she was coming up against struggles, you know, you know. Move your canoe there. We would be in these canoes side by side. And the struggle would be represented by, say, a big boulder. And you know, and so we would just nudge each other and just say, we got to nudge you know. Let's nudge ourselves away. Get ourselves turned around and get back in the flow. We are facing away from the flow. Get the canoe turned around and get back in the flow of the current. And that was our analogy for staying in the life flow.
Brenda Rachel 54:24
Beautiful honey.
Vonne Solis 54:26
Yeah.
Brenda Rachel 54:26
I didn't know that.
Vonne Solis 54:27
Yeah, years and years and years. Because she was sort of, we lived in the same city, mom and I for many years, and many years we didn't. But the years that we did, and we often often often had tea together. And well Mom was always having tea with us even from the time we were children and have these discussions and you know, things like that. And you know she she got me through some pretty trying times. And so but I always remembered okay, I'm in my canoe and it's hitting this rock. Nudge, nudge nudge, you know?
Vonne Solis 54:58
But again, it's that paddle. Depending on that paddle. Without our paddle, right? You can call it a cane. You can call it a crutch. You can call it anything you want. We call it a paddle. That is that faith and trust that something greater than ourselves, will show us the way as long as we have faith and trust in that faith. It will deliver. Your faith can be anything, by the way, you know? It can be anything.
Vonne Solis 55:27
So I just want to kind of close this off with adapting to our circumstances, and embracing what we are experiencing. Whether or not you choose to believe that you created it, or you don't and you're still in "life happened to me" that's fine. But you are responsible and in charge of how you want to be impacted negatively or positively by the experience that can come to us rooted in pain. Would you say?
Brenda Rachel 56:01
Yeah. I guess what I'll say. And I'll just keep, like saying this occasionally, through our series, is that thoughts create things. Wayne Dyer, that was a great Wayne Dyer quote. And I have adapted, adopted and adapted that to my in my life and to my life. And that I just believe with every thought that I think it creates something. And so whatever that something is can change be changed with a thought.
Vonne Solis 56:32
Yeah. So if we're thinking anything super negative, I advocate for honouring it. If you feel crappy, own it! And if you feel crappy for a while, own it.
Brenda Rachel 56:47
Absolutely.
Vonne Solis 56:48
Because I think when we feel really at our lowest, it is also a chance for us to reflect. And we're gonna get more into that in our next episode in Part 7. Where we're going to be talking all about stopping at the river's edge. And what that means for us to take that moment of quiet using that same analogy of the river. Stopping at its edge. When is it time to do it and what can we benefit from when we allow ourselves this respite.
Vonne Solis 57:24
So I hope that we're not leaving you with anything but hope and inspiration for whatever you are struggling with that ultimately, you are you know, at your most authentic when you embrace the struggle. Honour the struggle even. I absolutely respect myself man and give myself huge pats on the back.
Brenda Rachel 57:51
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 57:51
For surviving what I chose to take on and I'm still here waving the white flag. You know, you go girl!
Brenda Rachel 58:01
I was just gonna say that's interesting that flashed through my mind as you said, honour. Honour the jour whatever, you said.
Vonne Solis 58:09
Well honour the pain.
Brenda Rachel 58:10
Honour the pain. And I just got honour the process.
Vonne Solis 58:13
As well.
Brenda Rachel 58:14
Honour the process.
Vonne Solis 58:15
Yes. So together. Honour the pain. Honour the process. We will take ourselves where we most want to be. And for me, that's always you know, enveloped in light and love. And being the best I can. Showing up for me the best way I can so that I can really say that this life was worth it. Pain and all.
Brenda Rachel 58:40
Ditto ditto ditto. I agree.
Vonne Solis 58:42
Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. You ready for some tea?
Brenda Rachel 58:45
I sure am.
Vonne Solis 58:46
Okay. Together, we are the Soul Sisters!
Vonne Solis 58:50
See you next week.
Brenda Rachel 58:53
See you. Bye.