Grief Talk w/ Vonne Solis

Ep. 79 Self Responsibility: Navigating Life's Sacred Call

• Vonne Solis • Season 4 • Episode 79

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In this Divine Healing Coaching episode, learn all about the first of the 5 Divine Healing principles that were channelled  to me by the angels, and my daughter Janaya, after her suicide in 2005 and over a five-year period, as I wrote my first book “Divine Healing Transforming Pain into Personal Power”.

The first principle speaks to the importance of honouring the sacredness of your life as you learn more and more how to accept responsibility for all of your life experiences. Both good and bad.

Part of my mission on this planet is to help change the consciousness of those who are suffering or have suffered and want to find a meaningful, purpose-driven life.  And just as I had to rethink all of my spiritual beliefs after the loss of Janaya that I had believed in for 23 years at the time of her passing, many people feel they must question their faith and beliefs after loss, tragedy or difficult adversity.

Nineteen years later, I still stand by these 5 principles that are designed to help anyone find a meaningful and purpose-driven life, based on the tools, practices and messaging contained within each one, as those that have guided me to the healing and perfection I’ve found in my life to this point. All of which by practicing them in your own life, you can, too.

TIMESTAMP:
Welcome (0:00)
Healing from loss and trauma through self-responsibility and Eastern philosophy. (0:26)
Vonne’s loss and childhood trauma (1:54)
Healing and suffering through spiritual practices. (7:02)
Honouring the sacredness of your life (10:39)
Healing from trauma and loss through self-responsibility and opening the heart. (11:26)
Two choices. (16:15)
Vonne’s resources. (18:52)
Closing. (19:05)

Connect with Vonne:

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https://vonnesolis.com

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https://vonnesolis.ck.page/ae095aef4f


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Vonne Solis  0:00  
Welcome to another Grief Talk Coffee Chat episode. I'm your host, Vonne Solis.

Vonne Solis  0:12  
Okay, so welcome to another episode of Divine Healing coaching. As a heads up for my audio audience the images that accompany this episode are available as a video on my Grief Talk YouTube channel. 

Vonne Solis  0:26  
So in this episode, I'm going to be introducing you to principle one of the five divine healing principles that were channelled to me by both the angels and my daughter Janaya, after her suicide in 2005, at the age of 22. And as I began to write my first book, Divine Healing over a five year period, where all these principles can be found in the self-help practice in Part Two of that book.

Vonne Solis  0:51  
As part of my mission on this planet is to change the consciousness of those who are suffering, or who have suffered, to find a meaningful and purpose driven life as much as they can and want to, just as I had to rethink all of my spiritual beliefs after the loss of Janaya that I'd had for 23 years at the time of her passing, many people must question their faith and their beliefs after loss, tragedy or other difficult adversity. As a bereaved mom, I stand by these five principles as those that have helped me heal and find the perfection I have found in my life to this point in the tools, practices and messages contained within each one. All of which, by practicing them in your own healing, you can too. 

Vonne Solis  1:36  
Healing doesn't happen overnight. I consider it to be a lifelong journey of body, mind and soul as we embrace all that becomes much more present and powerful in our lives, the more that we open ourselves up to our unique journey. 

Vonne Solis  1:54  
It is true, I lost my daughter at the age of 22 in 2005. This is my beautiful girl. The reason I'm showing you that today is because I do not do any social media. Nothing with her. I've never shown, I've never honoured her online, nothing like that. But for those that don't know her she is in my Divine Healing book. That is my beautiful, Janaya. 

Vonne Solis  2:17  
So the reason I'm showing you that is because when we lose someone to suicide, and we look back at them, and we look at sort of the perfection of them, and we go, Oh my God, why, why, why and they do appear perfect to us. And it can be very easy to overlook whatever problems lead them to take their life. And I think this is one of the biggest challenges we face today. And I'm not going to go down that road but in knowing when someone is at risk. And we certainly missed all the signs. In looking back, we saw them. There were plenty. But we missed them. Doctors missed them. She was never even diagnosed with anything other than mild depression. So there was no reason, you know, in looking back that I lost my beautiful girl. 

Vonne Solis  3:01  
So today, what we're going to be talking about is not that. Today what we're going to be talking about is how to feel empowered, through self-responsibility. So I'm just going to speak very truthfully today and tell you a little bit about who I am. Where the information I'm going to share with you today comes from. How I arrived at it. And I'm going to share exercises with you. This is stuff that you may want to revisit, when you need comfort. When you want to feel empowered. It is all stuff that has led me to a tremendous release of all my suffering, and to a life almost 19 years later that I truly love, and respect and honour as my journey. Not getting stuck in my daughter's journey. Which happened to me for many, many years. We can get really stuck in the suicide of our loved one. Well, and their story becomes our story. And so my work is all rooted in basically Divine Healing. And I will tell you how I arrived at that.

Vonne Solis  4:04  
So something that nobody knows. I don't publicly speak about this is that by the time I was age ten, my mother tried to kill herself five times. She ended up in a mental institution and I very distinctly remember visiting her at the institution with my dad and siblings. And when she was released, she was under the care of a psychiatrist. Back then though this was in the early to mid 60s, we didn't talk about suicide. So I grew up with the context of understanding my mom just kept trying to kill herself. My mom did recover I want to say under the care of this psychiatrist who used Eastern medicine and understood probably what she had, we would understand today as postpartum depression. She exhibited all the signs but they didn't know about that back then. And anyway with some of his philosophies in and, and therapies and getting her off all drugs and stuff like that she did actually recover. But she died in 2010. So I never got a chance as I grew to understand this just a few years ago, when I was diagnosed with PTSD myself, and so I never had the chance to kind of talk to her about this. But that is what I believe she probably ended up having as a disorder.

Vonne Solis  5:21  
So, but I'm telling you that because it's not just that my daughter died by suicide. It's that I already knew about this from the age of ten and probably earlier. Because mom's attempts weren't all in one year. They were very frequent, but probably started when I was six or so. And there was no help for it okay? So already this is in my context. My life, my life experience. So when Janaya took her life in July of 2005, well, my world fell apart. And I was diagnosed nearly ten years later with PTSD. And that's when I was able to really pull all these pieces of the healing I had been attempting, since I had learned about my daughter suicide. They all culminated and came together to where I am today and what I want to share with you. 

Vonne Solis  6:10  
So all of the work comes from Divine Healing. That picture is a mountain at the top of Jordan, where I was. Rode a donkey up that mountain. Took the picture. Use this as my "you can get up any mountain". And on my podcast, I actually have one episode under Storytelling that explains that journey, and how terrifying it was to ride a donkey up that mountain with a sheer drop on the other side. But it is a metaphor for what we're going to talk about today. And so what I want to do is giving you that context, so you know me just a little tiny bit today is that it hasn't been easy. It hasn't been overnight. But I believe intrinsically that who we are. What our general disposition is in life, actually will guide us to how we want to move through our suffering. 

Vonne Solis  7:02  
And as they define suffering, its ongoing pain. You know, unusual pain and long lasting pain. And we don't talk about suffering so much, because I think there's a lot of stuff attached to it that we certainly don't want to share with each other that we're suffering. But our hearts are broken. Our spirits are broken. Our physical bodies can get broken. And we suffer from all sorts of pain, as a result of our experiences either culminated or in one loss such as suicide.

Vonne Solis  7:34  
I became an Angel Healing practitioner nine months after my daughter died. And I've worked with the angels since 2004. It was not my intended route but it formed part of my, my journey, my experience. I had already had a metaphysical practice and spiritual practice for 23 years when Janaya died. So it was a natural fit for me to move into that world of becoming a channel, which I worked at for many, many years. Dealing with other people, one on one healing, doing channelling and so on. And the basis of Divine Healing, this self-help practice in Part Two of that book, this was almost entirely channelled to me by the angels, and my daughter, Janaya. 

Vonne Solis  8:15  
I was very blessed to have her visit me within hours after her passing. And she continues to visit and teach me today from the other side. So I don't really take a lot of credit for Part Two of Divine Healing, but I stand by everything. It is sort of the foundation of all the work I do. And it is what has brought me to where I am today in my own life, to choose to live for me, suffering free. 

Vonne Solis  8:37  
So what I wanted to share are the five principles that my work is based on, and what are contained in this self-help practice. Give you a little taste of it. I'm going to sort of do it high level because what I find is I don't know how many people are already in a spiritual practice. Have faith. Are guided by religion or just guided by a faith in something. I am not here to try and encourage anyone or tell anyone to start a spiritual practice. I'm only telling you, I had one. That's where my work comes from. I can't really take a lot of credit for it. But as the person who is an instrument where this work is shared, that's my job is just to try and express it in a way that people can relate to and can understand. 

Vonne Solis  9:26  
And we can use these principles in both just a physical sense if a spiritual consciousness is not available to you right now, which means that we contain everything and attribute everything to our healing in a very physical sense. It's based on our environment and our conscious reality and what we attribute to the physical. When we trust and we go there's more, and some of us have signs to indicate there is more you Even though we can't see it and prove it, this is when we can turn to a practice that's bigger than ourselves. Bigger than any human. And in my experience, and looking back, almost 19 years, nothing else could come close to the healing I have experienced. Truly authentically experienced that does not come from another human.  What does come from other human is guidance, sometimes. Sometimes tools. Sometimes interpretations of things to help us understand. But true healing can only come from within us. And little steps are good. 

Vonne Solis  10:39  
So I wanted to start with principle one, which is Honouring the Sacredness of Your Life. So when I lost Janaya, and that is detailed in this book in twelve chapters. The whole, right from the minute I found out she had died. Which was on a highway, from our home in the country, to her little apartment in the city. And I found out as we were driving that she had passed. That's the moment the book starts. And it takes people through a journey of dealing with a lot of different things and my frustrations back in 2005. It took five years to write the book. And then I re-released it in 2018. 

Vonne Solis  11:21  
But just what the what the environment was like back then to lose a loved one to suicide. And culturally what we were doing, and talking about and not talking about. And sadly, it all still stands today. We do have a few more resources available. We talk a little bit more about suicide. But what is missing, and always probably will be missing, it's how do we heal? How do we heal from this incredibly traumatic, horrible, horrible experience for which most of us have no answers. And this is something that we must carry until our own transition. And finding a way to do that I suggest comes from many, many, many different resources, many different people along the way. But ultimately, it's up to us and the connection we have to our I think inner resolve. Our inner power. And our you know, just our discipline we have to be able to transform ourselves, and want to have more.

Vonne Solis  12:23  
Principle One talks about honouring the sacredness of our life. If we limit that to a physical experience, it would be consciously choosing personal development and choosing as much as we can to make our lives better. But in a spiritual interpretation, we take it a step further and understand that we've created the experience. And so I don't want anybody right now to go, Oh, my God, oh my God. This takes some people years to accept and understand and some people never do. Just saying, at the root of the spiritual philosophy, we understand that we've created all our experiences. And self-responsibility includes taking responsibility. Meaning consciously choosing how we want to experience or not experience suffering. Our pain. And that's a tough one.

Vonne Solis  13:13  
When we consider this even, that is the moment that we can connect to the sacredness of our journey, and just how much we've chosen to take on for ourselves. Which gives us a huge amount of respect for ourselves. Huge. Which can only continue to grow and evolve, the more we feel comfortable with this notion of Wow! This is my experience. What am I going to do with it? This is where it starts to no longer be coming about the other person's choice to go. Our loved one. It now becomes about us and how we're going to live with this.

Vonne Solis  13:53  
So one of the things we do is hand on heart. If you want to just put your hand on your heart for just a moment. And the reason we do this is because oh my goodness. When you feel your hand on your beating heart. And then you say and affirm to yourself, "I am a sacred being. All of my experiences matter."

Vonne Solis  14:18  
I'll say it again. And if you want to follow with me. "I am a sacred being. All of my experiences matter." That is the connection. The gateway to spirit. That is where our truth lies. That's who we are. Center of Spirit and Soul. And what that does is it helps us to understand that in this culture of silence, which does actually invalidate our experiences and specifically some types of losses. Suicide for sure one of them, we do matter. And when we lose sight of the fact that we don't matter,, we do get stuck in our suffering and our pain.

Vonne Solis  15:04  
What also happens when we understand that we are sacred. We came here for an experience, but we're still sacred in this spiritual wholeness. This idea of being part of a greater soul here to learn various things. Even if we can't really believe it yet. You know, kinda, Yeah, I don't think so. Life's showing me something else. Just a little kernel of a belief helps to kickstart this inside and start to change the energy whether or not you're aware of it.

Vonne Solis  15:40  
Which helps us understand that accepting what we have gone through. What we will go through as our creation, in this notion of self-responsibility going forward. And it's one of the toughest things to do. It boils down to choice. Do we want good things happening in our life? Do we want to keep in this pain? Do we want to hold it to us? You know, do we want to, you know, move forward in our grief? Do we not? Can we? Do we want to feel victimized? Do we want to feel empowered? Do we even know the difference?

Vonne Solis  16:15  
But just being aware of these choices, and I offer that there's only really two choices to go forward in grief, right? Suffering or empowerment. I lump suffering into everything that's really just not working in our life and never going to work in our life. And for sure, for sure, for sure, we're never going to get over our loss. And maybe we don't want to and all of that. Versus empowerment. Where we get to consciously choose every step of our grief journey. When we can. When we can. You have to have the knowledge first, before you can make the choice. And decide what we really want for our lives and what do we want to you know, let go of. What do we want to? What can we let go up to actually have a better life for ourselves.

Vonne Solis  17:03  
The other part of this is having an open heart. And if we are not able to open our heart, it's just not possible. It's just really not possible to have healing start, because we're so so guarded. And I was like that for many years. It was very difficult for me to say the word love. It was very, very difficult for me to tell loved ones, except my surviving son that I loved them. Very hard to hear it. You know, we push a lot of that kind of stuff away. But when we get to the point where we kind of go, You know what? Maybe I do deserve love. And I really do love other people. Even if I just don't want to say it because acknowledging you love other people, right? Might mean, we aren't grieving enough. We're not suffering enough.

Vonne Solis  17:49  
The second part of this exercise too, is hand on heart. And we say, "I choose now to open my heart." And even if you can't say that today, you can go back and work with this on your own. But it's "I choose now to open my heart." "It is safe for me to love." "It is safe for me to love." And I would suggest that's something as I say if you're interested and want to revisit this on your own, practice it. Because it's a very deeply personal and very moving experience the more you, you do do that.

Vonne Solis  18:29  
If you believe that we choose the Incarnation. I'm coming into this life. This is the incarnation I'm choosing. This is all just stuff to think about. Whatever pieces of it that kind of feel good, even if it's the word empowerment to you. Or choice. Or healing or whatever. That's what you walk away with and go, Okay.

Vonne Solis  18:52  
I hope you have enjoyed this coaching episode. For more resources, please visit my website at vonnesolis.com. Or to join my community or download a personal growth journal, please click on the links in the show notes. 

Vonne Solis  19:05  
Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. Until next time.