In this Divine Healing Coaching episode, learn how grief impacts your health and all the ways this robs you of life wealth. The episode includes a short, guided practice to release negative energy from your body. Click on the bonus episode for the longer version.
BONUS episode link "Release Negative Energy" https://www.buzzsprout.com/2021182/13534128
0:12 The impact of grief on your health
3:30 Types of grief
5:00 Stuffed emotions
7:40 Connecting emotions to grief and life wealth
11:19 Mini practice to release negative energy
18:53 Your health is critical to understand
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Books (by Vonne Solis)
“Lessons in Surviving Suicide – A Letter to My Daughter”
“Divine Healing Transforming Pain into Personal Power – A Guide to Heal Pain From Child Loss, Suicide and Other Grief”
“The Power of Change”
Vonne Solis 0:00
Welcome to another Grief Talk Coffee Chat episode. I'm your host, Vonne Solis.
Vonne Solis 0:12
So welcome to another episode of Divine Healing Coaching. Today we're going to be talking all about the effects of grief on our health and the impact that ill-health has on all areas of our life. In other words, if you don't have your health, you can't enjoy life wealth.
Vonne Solis 0:30
As I've battled my own chronic illnesses over the years as a bereaved mom since 2005 - nothing serious, but aggravating. Enough to repeatedly knock me out of the game of life for a while here and there. For example, in the past, having to miss a lot of work, and then working myself to the bone to try and make up for it between bouts of illness. Having to put in place work accommodations on a yearly basis at the time that I was in that specific job. Which included reducing my hours of work and commute to work. Eventually going on a disability for over two years. Which led to my retirement from that position and into a new life altogether. And that was about six years ago now.
Vonne Solis 1:10
And still today, not being able to commit very much socially or to obligations, I might want to create in my current work life, because I'm just not sure if I can show up. For example, I usually hesitate and don't pre-purchase ticketed events for this exact reason. And of course, to try and prevent losing my money. Which I have done on a few occasions.
Vonne Solis 1:34
I also have to allow for adjustments when I travel to allow for rest in between destinations, for example, and that I don't ever take on too much as part of the itinerary. I carefully monitor my environments, my relationships. The people I hang out with. What I do. The things that trigger me such as noise. For example, traffic is a big one for me. And in the same vein of understanding what bothers me, I also pay attention to those things that actually bring me peace. A restive type of state. Tranquility, inner tranquility, and enjoyment overall.
Vonne Solis 2:13
And when I have been hit with illness, I've disciplined myself over many, many years to function at a lesser standard, when I am still feeling crappy, just to be part of the life game, if you will. Sometimes for weeks on end. Which I don't enjoy and who does? Because this is not my preferred way and probably not anybody else's preferred way of living. And this is not the life wealth that I envision for myself that I recognize as not as abundant as I would like it to be permanently. Because it is a direct result of the poor health I have experienced for many years related to my grief.
Vonne Solis 2:54
But having said this, and understanding that this is what I have been struggling with, I also recognize this is what I no longer want to experience in my life. And therefore I am making the conscious choice to make decisions every single day on the things throughout my day that are going to bring me the feeling of relief and balance as I continue to work towards optimal healing, and the life wealth I desire. I understand firsthand that we cannot claim any amount of life wealth, if we are in ill health and can't show up to claim it.
Vonne Solis 3:30
Grief can rob us of a lot of things in the aftermath of tough loss. And it comes to us from many types of losses, not just human. Which is something that is still hard for many Westerners to grasp in our culture. We relate grief almost entirely to human loss, and even to a degree pet loss. But even this latter isn't really embraced as full on grief for some people.
Vonne Solis 3:56
In fact, I was speaking recently with a grief practitioner who shared with me that all types of grief related to any painful experience considered as a loss is experienced 100%. But what is different for us all is the intensity of the grief that we go through or experience, if you will, which is based entirely on the relationship we had to the person who has died or what we have lost. Which I totally agree with.
Vonne Solis 4:30
But it is our emotional illiteracy in our culture that disconnects us from each other in our vulnerability in our most painful experiences. Where we are left to flounder with our emotions, thoughts, feelings, what we believe about ourselves in the circumstance or the situation simply because we have not been educated or taught how to be open about our painful experiences. For a whole lot of reasons that I'm not going to go into to in this episode, but I will come back to that.
Vonne Solis 5:03
And as a result, everything gets pushed down, pushed away emotionally. What we believe. What we think. What we're feeling. And we hope and maybe even pray that maybe our losses and maybe our pain didn't really affect us in the way that it does others. Or, the pain, maybe will go away, if we don't think about it too much, or talk about it at all. And then we try to convince ourselves of this through the distractions we create in our life through numerous ways, which just further adds to our disconnect. The most important one being from ourselves, and then with all our other relationships. But this is an entirely false narrative that we are feeding ourselves. In fact, it only results in creating more damage to our health, relationships and every other area of our life.
Vonne Solis 5:58
So here's what's actually happening in our bodies when we don't deal with the pain of our grief. All of the emotions, our thoughts and beliefs that we attach to our most painful experiences, from the earliest seconds and minutes of the actual event happening, and this includes trauma and shock, are immediately stored as negative energy deep within our body. And they stay there as long as they remain unresolved with this energy having nowhere to go. Sometimes for years. Which is the experience of I would say the majority of people
Vonne Solis 6:37
Add to this even more painful thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, related to the ongoing challenges in grief. Secondary losses, and any other struggle that we have to deal with as a consequence of grief that creates layers upon layers of more negative energy stored within our body. Not being recognized, and not having anywhere to go, this energy does turn into ill-health in many different forms. Even our downfall and demise.
Vonne Solis 7:18
Now, it's not our fault that we can't recognize what's happening deep within us in our earliest grief, trauma and shock. Who can? For most of us, I'd wager and it certainly happened to me we don't know what's happening to us in our grief, trauma and shock. And we certainly don't know who to turn to for support.
Vonne Solis 7:40
However, when you do start to make the connection between what you are experiencing physically as illness, pain, mentally and emotionally, even spiritually. And you think about it related to your specific loss experiences, this is when you can start to gauge precisely how you are being impacted by your grief in every area of your life and what you need and want for support at every stage of your healing journey. And it's never too late to start. In fact, I know that my struggles with ill-health in the earliest years of my bereavement that were initially diagnosed as stress, were the greatest contributor to my ongoing struggles and prolong suffering and the problems that my family experienced that we really didn't need to. However, sadly, it is largely up to us as grievers to determine what is troubling us before seeking help when it is related to certainly difficult grief.
Vonne Solis 8:45
And listen, I'm a great supporter of good therapy, and a multitude of healing modalities to get us to that point where we can get to the root of what ails us. But ultimately, it is up to us to know the emotions that are driving us and why and then seek the support we feel is going to be the most helpful for us in that time. Whether this is therapy, medical intervention, a good friend to talk to a social outing, doing some gentle exercise, getting out for a walk and some fresh air. Enjoying a cuddle with a pet. Participating in Reiki, acupuncture, massage therapy, or some other form of physical activity. Could be sports on a limited basis if you're still not moving very quickly or have much strength. When you are moving and consciously intending to release this pent up ill-health energy it does start to clear the mind, the emotions and your body. And when you do this, you can create a path to healing on your own terms and in your own time if that is what you are choosing to embrace.
Vonne Solis 9:59
It is only with good health that you can start to claim the wealth that life does have to offer. And I'm not talking here wealth related to money and other material forms necessarily. Simply put, if you don't have your health, you can't do anything as a fully functioning person. Understanding what's going on with you at the very depths within is a game changer for healing. By connecting the dots between what is going on for you mentally, emotionally and I'll even add spiritually here, to what you are going through physically and know what you need for your immediate relief, puts you in charge, basically, of what you're going to experience throughout your grief journey.
Vonne Solis 10:48
So how do you do this? I'm going to take you through a quick exercise to get you started in how to start making this connection. And I'll be putting a link to a bonus video or audio for you to revisit anytime that you want to check in, tune into your body. But essentially here are the steps. You can follow along right now but as I said, you can also click on the bonus episode anytime you want to tune into your body.
Vonne Solis 11:19
So take a moment here to find yourself a great spot to sit in a comfy chair or lie down. Pause the episode until you're ready.
Vonne Solis 11:29
Next I want you to visually isolate with your eyes closed each area of your body in pain.
Vonne Solis 12:03
Notice where you feel tense, rigid
Vonne Solis 12:13
the type and frequency of pain that you are experiencing. Just go through your body. You can envision this as black energy. It may come to you in another form. Allow the visual just to come to you of where you're hurting.
Vonne Solis 12:56
Notice if there are recurring symptoms of illness. Knots of energy. Cramping. Aches. Sharp pain. Just go throughout your body now.
Vonne Solis 13:41
Observe your breathing pattern.
Vonne Solis 13:48
Is it rapid? Shallow?
Vonne Solis 14:01
Your nervous system.
Vonne Solis 14:29
And as you sit or lie with this state momentarily think about your most painful loss or other traumatic experience that you're struggling with. And silently ask yourself What are you thinking right now about your loss?
Vonne Solis 14:59
What do you believe about yourself related to your loss? And what are you feeling right now related to your loss? Let any thoughts, emotions, the beliefs you have related to your loss, relationships, environment, obligations, work, your overall situation just come and go.
Vonne Solis 16:01
Then breathe it all out with a deep and slow breath and repeat this release of breath several times until you feel relaxed.
Vonne Solis 16:36
So, bringing you back to the episode, slowly opening your eyes. If you're practicing this sitting up. If you're lying down. Shaking it all off. This is just a brief few moments that we're spending with this, but working with it on your own in the bonus episode. Or on your own, if you remember what to do as time goes by, the idea here is to be aware at all times of what's going on within your body related to the pent up negative and ill-health energy you're carrying within you to steer yourself to wellness.
Vonne Solis 17:20
Simply put, the pain that we ignore gets stuck within us and it stays there and can quickly turn to disease, chronic illnesses, mental health problems, financial problems and in general the numerous other problems that ill-health can create in our life, and often quickly and in unsuspecting ways that a lot of people are struggling with today.
Vonne Solis 17:47
Having said this, I also know that working with this practice has been a crucial part of my healing. As tough as it was and can still be to this day to some degree, to revisit the toughest part of my pain related to the suicide of my daughter in 2005, I do credit this practice that I began probably about five years into my bereavement. When doctors couldn't diagnose properly what was going on with me. I do credit this to bringing me to much improved health in a much quicker timeframe had I just ignored it. Having said this, it is equally important that you don't try to force yourself to feel something that you're really not feeling, or you know, be in better health than what you really are experiencing today. Always give yourself permission in grief, to experience what you are going through. It's an important part of your healing journey.
Vonne Solis 18:53
In closing, I just want to emphasize that understanding how you are being impacted in all areas of your life in grief is critical to your healing. You don't have to aim for perfect health. That is way too high a goal to start with. It is enough to begin by pinpointing the areas of your life where you are lacking and assess your real or potential health state and risks and be invested in discovering the ways in which you can and want to achieve life wealth.
Vonne Solis 19:29
I'll be revisiting this topic again because of its importance, but for now take care of you. Pay attention to your body. Your mental, emotional, spiritual state and love yourself through your journey.
Vonne Solis 19:44
Remember to click on that bonus link if you want to practice that release of energy. Until next time, thanks for watching. Thanks for listening.