Grief Talk w/ Vonne Solis

Ep. 33 Practices and a Mindset for Becoming the Ultimate You!

April 05, 2023 Vonne Solis/Linda Kneidinger Season 2 Episode 33
Grief Talk w/ Vonne Solis
Ep. 33 Practices and a Mindset for Becoming the Ultimate You!
Show Notes Transcript

Anyone can access their best self. Anyone can create big changes in their life. Linda's genius zone is helping other people access THEIR genius zones.

If you want to live your fullest life, Linda is a go-to coach. With an undergrad degree in neuroscience and two graduate degrees in Psychology, Linda understands how the brain works and utilizes this knowledge as part of her coaching.

In this episode, we talk about losing yourself and finding yourself again even if you have to hit rock bottom to do it. We discuss what we are communicating to women as a culture, values, boundaries and beliefs, why not to say sorry, why we are all so desperate for connection, but how this can work against us when we are not first connected to our authentic self and living.

0:00    Welcome
0:32    Meet Linda
2:19    Losing yourself
6:17    I was very capable yet had no idea where I belonged
9:52    Confidence - the difference between men and women
12:11  What we are communicating to women
16:11  Loss of identity
19:17  Do we value motherhood?
21:53  Values, boundaries and beliefs
28:51   How to feel like you're winning
31:26  Celebrating you!
33:44  Embracing authenticity
39:06  If you said "No" 50% of the time
42:32  Hitting rock bottom to wake up!
45:08  Why NOT to say sorry
47:11  Drowning in goodness
48:55  Connection
52:26  What our brain is telling us and why
56:46  Anxious mouse
59:23  Betrayal
1:02:08 Understanding your choices
1:05:37 Key takeaways
1:07:02 Linda's resources
1:08:36 Closing

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Books (by Vonne Solis)
“Lessons in Surviving Suicide – A Letter to My Daughter”
“Divine Healing Transforming Pain into Personal Power – A Guide to Heal Pain From Child Loss, Suicide and Other Grief”
“The Power of Change”
Resources (Blog, Course & Meditations)
Personal Growth Journal
Online Course

Subscribe to the podcast! Share episodes that you like. Connect with me on LinkedIn and Facebook.

Vonne Solis  0:00  
Welcome to another episode of Grief Talk. Everything you want to know about grief and more. I'm your host, Vonne Solis. As an author, life transformation coach, online instructor and bereaved mom since 2005, I'll be bringing you great content that is informative, inspiring and practical. Whether you have suffered a loss or other adversity, stay tuned and tapped in as I cover a variety of topics to help you get where you want to go on your journey to heal and grow. 

Vonne Solis  0:32  
Today's guest is Linda Kneidinger. Almost 10 years ago after a transformative personal event, Linda took her background in neuroscience and psychology and her personal experiences and transitioned them into a coaching practice. Since then, she has helped hundreds of individuals make meaningful changes in their personal and professional lives. Linda specializes in helping midlife women reconnect with their authenticity, so that they can create a life that brings them peace, joy, and satisfaction. 

Vonne Solis  1:07  
Okay, so welcome to the show. Linda, I've been waiting a long time to have you on as my guest so I just really happy you're here.

Linda Kneidinger  1:16  
I've been excited to talk to you. I've been listening to your other podcasts and excited to get back and talk to you again. So good to be here.

Vonne Solis  1:23  
Awesome. So audience, you'll know from the introduction I did with Linda, I'm gonna let you explain your your background Linda and what has led you into the work you're doing today, and expand on whether you've done some traditional therapy and so on, which has moved into a more specialized practice for you. I know that your passion is to help women connect to their authenticity. Their passion and their purpose. And I'm just going to say I'm going to get right to it with you, Linda, but I do just want to say in advance of this, we can lose ourselves at any stage of our life. And the older we get circumstances happen Stuff happens. Crap happens. And some of it can rock us off our feet. And some of us have to start right over again at the beginning. It is so easy to lose ourselves. 

Vonne Solis  2:19  
So in this conversation today, Linda and I are going to be talking a little bit about what it's like to lose yourself. What are those things that cause us to lose ourselves in terms of feelings, emotions, behaviors and things like that. What we allow ourselves to experience. How we can become empowered by these things that actually take us down. And I think Linda, you and I are quite connected on that, is allowing those things that take us down to build us up. And so on that note, I want to get right to it and ask you to tell us what it is you're doing, where you came from, and how it transpired into what you do today.

Linda Kneidinger  2:59  
As you were talking, I was thinking, well, I won't tell the whole story. But then as you as you kept going, I was like no, you know what, there are pieces of my story going way back that I feel like totally feed into what you just said about how you could get lost at any place and the different, the different stumbling blocks. And what do you what do you turn that into? So the short, super long version, or the long, super short version is, when I was in college, I was pre-med. And when I finished college, I didn't think I wanted to be pre-med. And I had had a couple of weird little situations where I allowed other people to put a little fear in me. Maybe I wasn't capable. I had gone to a lecture about women in medicine and I let somebody in that talk dissuade me. Dampen my enthusiasm a little bit. I had a couple of little moments where I let other people steer my story. 

Linda Kneidinger  3:58  
So that's you know, I've already started losing a bit of my authenticity way back then. But I had an experience as a high school athlete, where I got really interested in the power of the mind. And I was a tennis player. And I knew that I was the number one player on my team. I was, I was not a great tennis player, but I was an above-average athlete. And we'd play these other teams that had these fancy number one tennis players with all their rackets and their country club experience. And I would get taken down and discouraged and my coach would say, you're just not thinking hard enough. And I didn't know anything about the brain at the time, but I did know the more I thought and competition, the poorer I played. And so when I was sort of trying to refind myself way back in that college moment, if I'm not going to be pre-med, if I'm not going to be a doctor, like what am I going to be? Who am I? 

Linda Kneidinger  4:50  
I remembered how much that had really fascinated me and I had studied a lot of the brain. My undergrad is in neuroscience. And I thought, that's maybe what I really want to follow, is let's look at the brain in sports. And so my first master's degree is an experimental master's degree. And that's what I studied, is thinking in the context of athletics. But again, you know, the path turns, we go here and there. And as much as I enjoyed that at the time back in the 80s, and 90s, it wasn't like a really easy career path. And I wanted to be a mom and I wanted to have a family. And so I pivoted again. And I got a second master's degree in School Psychology. That's using psychology in a very employable way. And I'd always worked with at camps with students. I have a younger sister with Down Syndrome. I was familiar with a lot of the school systems, the interaction of ability and education and the school system and families. So I worked in School Psychology for a number of years and I've done counseling in that perspective. I've worked with a wide variety of ages. I've worked with families. And then I became a mom. And then I didn't work for a while. And then I wanted to re-enter the workforce and I just kind of didn't know where I belonged. 

Linda Kneidinger  6:17  
And again, you know, I here I'm like, I'm a highly capable person. I have a neuroscience undergrad and two master's degrees, and I just had no idea where I belonged. If I belonged. Who would ever hire me. And then I had a bit of a personal crisis. And that's what led me to decide that I wanted to take all my background and all my knowledge and all my experience, and I really wanted to put it towards personal coaching. Because I wanted to work with women. I didn't realize how many resources I had. And my personal resources got me through my difficult time. People around me were were boggled. You know, how did you get through this? This is, life is hard, and people get stuck in hard stuff. How did you get through this? I just didn't realize that I had a lot of between my natural between my upbringing and my education, I didn't realize how many resources I had. And I decided to learn coaching. And to put those resources towards helping women. I mean, primarily. That is my practice is primarily helping women who get to those stuck places. What are the resources we need? What are the skills we need to be able to bring our best selves to reconnect to our authenticity? To prioritize ourselves again so that we can step into a place that feels rewarding. That feels joyful? Where we feel valuable. Where we are able to say no to those things that don't serve. Where can we recognize the things that don't serve us? Sometimes it's so hard to even recognize the things that don't serve us. And then once you do, how do you step away from them, or protect yourself from them or, just work with them in a productive way. And so that's how I took many pivots and many turns and had some crisis to get to where I am now.

Vonne Solis  8:09  
I think that you're speaking for every woman out there. And for those of us that have had severe tragedy, that is not common, and we don't want it to be popular. We don't want other moms to lose their kids. But a good percentage of us do lose our children at various stages. But what I'm trying to say is, regardless, while you were speaking and I was thinking and listening and I went, yep. Yeah, I can identify, yeah, I can identify. Even the whole thing about not what this is key, what I want to point out for the audience listening and women out there, because there might be some men that have this issue, for sure. But right now, we're sort of speaking to women because you and I can identify with the things that maybe make us, you know, have these thoughts and feelings. The things that help us suppress ourselves. Wow, there's a lot of influences. But as you were speaking, not knowing your capabilities. Whoa! I think that that is pretty general for a lot of women because there's a lot of pressures. There's a lot of influences culturally that help keep us from knowing ourselves. And then if we do know ourselves, claiming our confidence. I want to ask you if you could speak about that a little bit because I think there's a pressure for us to not want to come across as too smart Too good looking. Too in shape. Too anything. Like can you speak to too much of anything positive? What that can, how that can threaten women? If in fact, you believe that it does threaten women.

Linda Kneidinger  9:52  
Oh, for sure. So whereas I used to work in a school system, my husband always worked in the corporate world and And it's like everything in life. It's so much easier to see things with some distance. And so he would tell me stories about people at work. And I would be able to think for these women like, oh my gosh, these women are so capable. Why aren't they speaking up for themselves? Or why aren't they demanding different? And I remember this was so long ago, the research is pretty old now. But a study had come out where they had men and women look at job qualifications, and then decide if this was something that they would apply for. And the women, they needed to feel confident that they had about, it was something crazy like 95 to 98% of what the job description asks for to even consider themselves worthy of applying. Whereas men hover around like 50. You're, you've got, you know, I can remember looking at job descriptions and being like, Oh, I have so much of this, but I don't have that piece. And like I like I'm not even going to put myself in that place. How embarrassing for someone to look through that and be like, we clearly said, you needed this skill. Whereas, and again, these are very, these are generalities, but in general, men tend to feel very comfortable promoting themselves when they have about 50% of what's being asked for.

Vonne Solis  11:15  
Do you think that's true today? Whenever this study took place, do you think that is true today, or culturally with some of the pressures having been put on men recently, the male gender, and those that identify as the male gender, do you think that with these more recent pressures of the last three, four years, that that might be challenging that sort of status quo? Like, maybe they aren't feeling quite as confident anymore. I'm just asking personal opinion here.

Linda Kneidinger  11:44  
I'm gonna say no. I definitely think things are shifting. I mean, I, so I have a 20 year old daughter, and so I'm very well tapped into, she has these brilliant, capable friends. And when I sit with them and talk, sometimes I can see that they're in contact, they are connected with their brilliance and their capabilities. And sometimes I see all this same stuff. And I'm the person who's like, throttling them like, no, no, no. 

Vonne Solis  12:11  
Wow. So just sidelining for a second. So you're tapped in to this would be the, the Gen Z. Your your kids are Gen Z. I have a millennial at 30, a son. So I can sort of see what's going on with his, you know, as a male and what threatens him. Which is actually losing his identity as a male because of white privilege that is, by birthright unfortunately, attached to him. So we've had lots of conversations around that. And I have raised him to be as respectful. And he is in a lead position where he works. And I think he's naturally quite respectful. He just wants the best person for the job when he's hiring. That sort of thing. 

Linda Kneidinger  12:56  
The best person might not feel comfortable even applying or speaking.

Vonne Solis  13:02  
Yeah. Exactly. So going down to now you're that you're the 20 something year old. And they're starting out. They are, if they're lucky they're in college, university, working towards a career. Which I would offer might feel somewhat privileged today for those of us that have children that can go that route. So what in the heck, Linda? 

Linda Kneidinger  13:24  
I know. 

Vonne Solis  13:25  
Decades later, for me feeling that, what's causing this in them to feel this way? Not claiming their potential and their real capabilities?

Linda Kneidinger  13:37  
Like I said, I do think it's shifting a little. At least they are aware of things, you know, like not to sound like a pop psych book. But let's take mansplaining for an example or interrupting. I think they're more aware. I certainly, if I had been speaking when I was in my 20s and I had been spoken over, I for sure would have piped down. And I don't want to say knew my place. But I would have felt like perhaps what I had to say was not valuable enough for me to hold the floor. I do think the younger girls recognize, excuse me! I wasn't finished saying what I needed to say. 

Vonne Solis  14:17  

Linda Kneidinger  14:17  
But we still definitely as a society are somehow communicating to women, be careful! Don't be too assertive. Don't be too bold. Don't step on guy's toes. Whether it's because they still hold the power or because maybe they're a little fragile. They're not used to having their toes stepped on.

Vonne Solis  14:38  
Don't be too successful, right? 

Linda Kneidinger  14:41  
Right. I read a study. This was a recent study. 

Vonne Solis  14:44  

Linda Kneidinger  14:44  
Women who make more money than their husbands. 

Vonne Solis  14:47  

Linda Kneidinger  14:47  
Tend to do even more than 50% of the housework. And it's almost like that unconscious, I'm still here for you. You know. I'm gonna make sure you see that I'm still here for you, even though so that I'm not, too.

Vonne Solis  15:06  
Yeah. And and while we're speaking very generalities here, Linda, there are always exceptions to the rule. There are always going to be those women that are charging ahead. Leading the way. Paving the way. But I think what we're really talking about as a general consciousness, and we have a long way to go as women to really own our femininity and our strengths at the same time. Like, so not trade in the femininity or trade off the femininity for that harsh, you know, tough exterior, because we got to keep up with the guys in the boardroom or whatever. And I'm always very inspired by and respectful of women who can maintain any amount of femininity they want to, but man are they powerful. Just as powerful. And I love that. And you don't see it a lot. But that's because there's not a lot of women in those positions. I'm talking powerful leaders and that type of thing. You know what I'm saying? And so it's very, very interesting.

Vonne Solis  16:11  
I want to get to a few things here. But I know part of your journey has been when you were coming back into the workforce and you were saying there were some situations that occurred, where you sort of had a loss of identity. Where we don't put ourselves first enough and therefore we don't have the confidence. You lose perspective about who you are. And this goes back to claiming the capability that we know we have. And we do this at various stages. It doesn't matter how old you are. It, like I said earlier, it can knock you off your feet in your 50s, 60s, 40s, 70s. It doesn't matter. Something can really jar us. And we completely lose a grip on who we are and what we have to offer. Wasn't there a story you had where you were at a cocktail party or something like this, and no one would talk to you. But there was something that happened that you know, with with all of your potential, all of your qualifications, all of your experience, and you just didn't know how to fit in. What was going on for you in that experience?

Linda Kneidinger  17:20  
I think I, at many points in my life. I mean, when I was in graduate school, a lot of the people I knew were working and building their career. And so you would go out to a cocktail party and meet people. And even then, I mean, grad school like what, in hindsight, it's a huge risk. You're sacrificing making money and building your career. It's a lot of work. And I had a bit of maybe shame, that that's not something to talk about. That's sort of like you haven't, you're not doing anything you're yet. You're not adding value. You're not making money. You're not becoming something. And then I had that experience later, as you know, it's a terrible term, the trailing spouse. You know, when I started moving, which made my career, it made it hard for me to keep up my career, because as a school psychologist, every state requires their own licensure. If I'm moving to help support my husband's job, it's hard for me to to continue to be relicensed in each state. And so I just didn't work for a while. Which I love. I mean, I was it was a privilege. I'm absolutely it's a gift. But I mean, as women we discuss this all the time. If you work and don't take care of your kids you're you're judged. If you take care of your kids, you don't work your judged. And we judge ourselves. And the balance is really hard to find. I don't know if anybody found the balance. But it was a gift that I was able to be a stay at home mom. And yet I felt like like you were saying, when people are in a professional setting, are all chit chatting about their projects at work or their their latest, their connections or just work related things, it feels like I had nothing to offer in the setting. I have, I'm not a person who's interesting, or

Vonne Solis  19:17  
I had written down here. I found it. Dismissed and invisible. The other thing, you know, it's coming to me is, this is a little bit of an aside but not really, is if we value like motherhood, culturally, I'm not sure we value motherhood. And I think a lot of our problems stem from that. And it sounds like you and I are very similar because when I had my children and I had my children nine and a half years apart, and each situation, I wanted to be there for them as much as possible. With my daughter, I had to balance a lot of things. I went to university. I was a single mom when I had her. But when I actually ended up getting married at 34. Married my husband and then we had our son together who's now 30 as I said, I got to stay home, like you did. If I wanted to work, I could work. If I wanted to stay home, I got to stay home. But in those periods of staying home, I mean, I value them now having lost my daughter. I went back and went, oh my God, I'm so glad I was home for all those years. But being a hot dog mom? Is, is not really, which I was a hot dog mom. I'm going to be quite honest, when my son was in primary school. And the kids who had their moms working in the kitchen there delivering the lunches? I mean you should have seen them. How excited they were. That we were the ones there doing that. But there was no glory in that at the time. You know, for myself. In fact, I spent several years in my 40s very frustrated, feeling very lost. And like I had sacrificed myself for everybody else. And I'm not sure. I'm not going to say that it wasn't appreciated, but I completely lost myself. And I never really gained myself back, I'll be quite honest, until now in my mid 60s. Because being lost in my 40s, and then in my late 40s, having my daughter die? And then that was a huge whammy. 

Vonne Solis  19:17  
So that's what I'm saying, depending on what circumstances we have to go through and what hits us, we may never find ourselves as women, right? And so if we do, and that is what your work is all about, I do want it, we are going to be talking about that. Helping women not feel dismissed and not feel invisible, regardless of the reason that has brought them to feel that. What's your approach to this? To help us out of that slump and stuckness?

Linda Kneidinger  21:53  
Back almost 10 years ago, when I started coaching, I really did have more of a of a program that I, you know, it wasn't the same for every person. But we really followed a lot of the same steps. And I've, everything's become very much more personal. But there are certain key points that everybody is going to hit because there are certain things that everyone could use a little help developing them. But especially if you're feeling lost or invisible, or not sure where your purpose or passion is. A few things that we, I always talk about. Well, one is connecting with your values. That's something that really helps you to compare is what I'm doing attached to my value. If we feel like we're acting in a way that's consistent with our personal values? That can help us feel like we are connected to our purpose and which leads us to a passion or or helps us feel passionate about our lives. 

Linda Kneidinger  22:49  
I'll always look at boundaries. Boundaries are so important. And I think we we get really caught up. I mean, some of these things are very pop psych. You know, boundaries. Setting a boundary. It's not as easy as just saying no and standing up for yourself. Boundaries are really complex, because we have to know where we begin and end and where we want other people to begin and end. And that's different in different settings and with different people. We have to get comfortable with it's not something you just learn and you practice. It's something that it's always, it's always evolving. It's always, it's malleable. It moves and to get comfortable with that. 

Linda Kneidinger  23:29  
We'll look at what our self beliefs. What do we believe about ourselves? I have an exercise I do with literally everybody I work with. I have some groups of young children I work with. I work with athletes. I've done this with business groups. It's very simple. It's called an "I am" exercise. And I just ask people, we're so quick, we're so good at listing the things that we're not good at. And we might be able to list you know, three to five things that we are good at. But I make people sit for 15 minutes and like get it all out. Get everything out that you're proud of yourself about that you're good at. And then create a statement like what's one of those things, just one that when you feel like you're a little stuck or you have some self doubts, is one of those words something that really makes you feel warm inside? That you would really feel like it helps reconnect you to yourself. And I just had a moment recently I was in a yoga class and the yoga instructor did something similar with that. And I had been a little stuck on a professional thing and the words I am capable came to mind. And I have literally called on I am capable three to five times a day for the past two weeks. There's just moments in life, where even having to speak up and call electrician, you know oh gosh. What happens if he tries to talk me out of this or I try to talk me into like wait a second. I'm capable. I've got this. It just like sort of, I almost laugh at myself. Like why am I making such a big deal to silly stuff? I'm capable. Okay. Let's go do this.

Vonne Solis  25:01  
What you're saying is, I'm going to just interject really quick here for any audience members who are really struggling with a challenging situation right now. Are coming from bereavement, even tragedy, building yourself up. Whatever you are building yourself up from at this moment, take Linda's exercise. I love it. I'm going to do it for myself. Not right now in the podcast of course. But I am going to do this because I love "I am" and and spend those 15 minutes writing everything positive that you know, for certain you are capable of doing. That you are great at. You know, successful at. Whatever you, it has to be positive, right, Linda? Whatever it is, has to be positive. Can this all,

Linda Kneidinger  25:45  
but you have to really believe it because your brain knows. So if you say I am confident, but you tend not to be confident. 

Vonne Solis  25:53  

Linda Kneidinger  25:53  
don't do that. But 

Vonne Solis  25:54  

Linda Kneidinger  25:55  
I am kind.

Vonne Solis  25:56  
Yes, yes! I am loving. I am kind. So the things you know, to be true at the deepest even, like, I'm all about authenticity. And we're going to be talking about that shortly. You know, you know, in your heart when you're telling yourself the truth. And you just know. So when you tap into that, and you feel, Yeah, I really know that. I am really kind. I am really loving. I'm a really good mom. I'm a whatever, whatever. And it's okay, what I want to stress here, and I'm sure Linda, you're going to agree. It is okay to have some things we're still working on about ourselves. So if we're not confident, I'll be the first to admit, I'm not always a confident person. And that got just completely demolished in my tragedy. And I didn't trust the world. And confidence, a lot of confidence in my view comes from trusting ourselves. Once we trust ourselves, it isn't about the world. It isn't about other people. It is about the fact that we know we can get ourselves through and to anything because we've got the skills, and everything else it takes to get wherever we're going. So that is a fantastic, fantastic exercise. And I encourage everyone to, even if you don't want to spend 15 minutes, spend five or 10. And even if you have to do it regularly, every week, because I believe the more that you know, I'm like you. Mind, you're very into mind, right? Mind chatter? And we'll talk about that too. But the more we can put it on, and I think putting it on paper, it's huge. Would you agree?

Linda Kneidinger  27:39  
Absolutely. Writing something down makes a huge difference in how we process it in the brain. It's just it's activating a different part of the brain. So you're, you're just rallying the resources. But then writing it down and putting it someplace where you can see it? It's another sense. It's a reminder. All of these things are a process. There's no, there's no one thing that we ever fully realize or accomplish. Life is a journey. And what are the things you want to get better at, then just decide, I'm never going to achieve that thing, I'm always going to be on this amazing journey of getting better at it. And that relieves a lot of the pressure. Like I'm not super confident. But every day, I'm going to challenge myself to take a step that allows me to feel like I stepped into my confidence. 

Vonne Solis  28:33  
Yes, we're not comparing ourselves to anybody, not even our former selves people. We're just acknowledging and respecting and honoring who we are becoming each day. Which I agree with Linda, it is a complete journey until our last breath. If we allow it to be.

Vonne Solis  28:51  
I was talking with some business people about to do lists. And we got talking about, you know, when you have all these things to do, and then you scratch them off. You, you know, draw a line through it and it's gone, it's gone. So I decided to turn them into things that I had to do, and then a checkmark and then a win. And so I keep an actual word document. It's growing longer and longer by the minute, and every day having my to do list. But the difference is it becomes a win for me, instead of crossing it off like it never mattered. Because we were making the connection between when you draw a line through things, done! It can actually feel like you haven't even accomplished anything. And so that's just a little trick I've been working with. And when I sit there and I look at you know the number of things I've done through the day and then I still now I go, wow! You really did all of that. Good for you. And that starts to help you when the more you acknowledge all that in yourself, your wins, this does help you build confidence. At least it's helping me build my confidence. So that's why, you know, when you say you've got this! Of course I do! Why wouldn't I? Do you think women need to build each other up more to? I mean, that's an age old argument, but are you seeing that's happening a little bit more? Or is there still a hesitancy for women to build each other up?

Linda Kneidinger  30:22  
I think that's a very personal ability that is reliant on your ability to see things as, are wins abundant? Can we all win? Or do you have a scarcity model of, does you winning decrease my ability to win? You know I have clients who have friends who have that scarcity model, and I don't come from the school of cut out the cancer. Get rid of the friends who are awful. It's, again, everything's very personal. Are you able to hold that person in a in a compassionate way in your heart? Like, wow, whatever happened in their life, that it's so hard for them to celebrate my wins with me, is unfortunate for them because what a what a loss. What a loss to not be able to celebrate with each other. 

Vonne Solis  31:16  
Yeah, yeah. 

Linda Kneidinger  31:17  
And if it's too much, then then go ahead. That's enough of that person. But back to, I wanted to comment on your your celebration thing.

Vonne Solis  31:24  

Linda Kneidinger  31:26  
Every single session I have with anybody always starts with what are we celebrating since we last talked? Some, some clients, they're so good at it and they love, they love it. And other people take some time. But I had a client, we were well into our third or fourth month working together. And every week, she'd start off, Oh, nothing, it was the worst week ever. Stop with this celebrating thing. But she knew, I had said to her, like, we'll sit here for the full hour until you can come up with something. And around that, like third or fourth month she started, she got really excited. And she would she couldn't wait to okay, I wrote some things down. I thought of some things. And

Vonne Solis  32:04  
Yeah. I think that it's so interesting. I've met some, you know bereaved people who have lost their voices. And it's taken somebody in a more leadership type role. I always view it like, hey, grab my hand. I might not be that many more steps ahead of you. But I'm a few and I'll help you along. I'll pull you up. I'll pull you along. And you might get farther than me. And I want, I want to take your hand too. So I agree it is it is a very personal thing to be able to offer that and to be able to accept it. And above all, I think we need compassion and empathy for each other and just want us all to be our best authentic selves. Because that's where the personal power comes. And so on that note, I know you're all about authenticity, and helping women tap into that. I personally believe that purpose and like, you can have passions that can turn into purpose. You can have passions that don't turn into a purpose. When we are tapped into our passions, when we are tapped into our purpose, it does come and I think it can only come from already being tapped in to our authenticity. It doesn't mean we have to be fully tapped in. It does mean that we have to start claiming it. And once we start claiming it, my my belief is anyway, that's what sort of allows us the space to go, who am I? What am I here for? You know, what am I here to do? What do I love to do? I mean, I'm sure there's a number of techniques you work with. But I just wanted to ask if you could speak a little bit about your views on authenticity and how women can start to tap into that.

Linda Kneidinger  33:44  
Sure. Before you can even embrace your authenticity, you have to be able to value the things that are related to your authenticity. So I guess, one of the what made me think of this while you were talking was, I have a lot of clients, it's just a very common issue, is very big hearted loving people. So their authenticity, being their authentic self is being someone whose heart is wide open. And they probably have boundary issues. But those boundary issues are going to look different than somebody else, because when they are being their most authentic self, they are wide open. Which means we're wide open for hurt as well. And so a lot of people, a lot of times I'll work with these women and they'll be putting down their authenticity because it seems like a quality that if you're being strong, or if you're really like being fully realized that you wouldn't have these weaknesses. You wouldn't be gullible. You wouldn't, back to like you and I and the hot dog, I volunteer too much. I say yes, too much. I do all these things that we're told are probably going against their authenticity, when in reality that might be your authenticity. 

Linda Kneidinger  35:13  
So sometimes we actually have to, like come to a place of what are the things, what makes you happy? When do you feel joyful? What would if, if nobody would hurt you, if there was never going to be a negative, how would you show up in this world? And then let's like value that. And let's think of that in a really beautiful way. And let's embrace that and all the wonderful things that can bring to you. And a great place that can take you. And acknowledge that sometimes other people will come in and there will you know, if your heart's wide open, someone could shoot arrows right at you. Sometimes it's going to hurt. That's okay. Hurt happens in life. But if it's better than shutting yourself down, and being who you're not to protect yourself.

Vonne Solis  36:02  
So here's a question, Linda, while you were talking, I was thinking. So, authenticity is very, very important. But speaking to the heart wide open. The, the person who has their most authenticity when they're doing for others. Service. Where does having a sense of self, and I'm gonna go so far as to say a sense of self first. So we touched earlier on on, you know, doing for others. Getting lost in the doing for others. It could be service. It almost always is our kids. Sometimes our relationships and so on. It's being able to claim that power to live life on your terms. That is one of my definitions of authenticity. And so everything you've talked about, the boundaries. They're incredibly important. You have to have boundaries always, in my opinion. They can be really, really small ones and they can be big ones. We need to have the space, a sacred space to honor ourselves so we can give to ourselves. So this whole idea of doing for others and not doing enough for ourselves, I've met enough people, women, specifically, who have been in service work, done everything for everybody else and they wouldn't even think of doing anything for themself. So I want to ask, in your view, experience, and I guess opinion, how would you embrace authenticity if you don't have a sense of self? Like, do you think you need a sense of self first to open up that authenticity or they open up together? You know what I mean? 

Linda Kneidinger  37:40  
They can open up together, but I do think you need to sort of figure it out first where, what is your sense of self. So for the service worker, you know, for some service workers, the work is exhausting, but they couldn't possibly imagine doing a job that didn't in some way, serve others. And the number one thing every single human being needs and craves is connection to others. And so some of us, our purpose and our passion, and our authenticity is all about that connection. But there's the you know, the difference is the job that serves others, and you're exhausted, then my question would be, what does it, so going back to the self talk, way way back. We talked about, uyeah, self talk. I have this little character. I don't have him with me, but he's called Anxious Mouse. And he's sort of the embodiment of that voice in our heads. And we all have it. And it's usually negative because he's really about he's a mouse. He has a mouse brain. He sees the world as very dangerous. He's always looking out for us. So if the service, I'm just using this example of someone who works in a service profession who is exhausted all the time and can't even imagine the idea of taking a break, but they're, they're killing themselves. 

Vonne Solis  39:05  

Linda Kneidinger  39:06  
I would ask, if you imagined quitting that job. If you imagined a world where you literally said no, I won't say to everybody, but if you said no 50% of the time, if you prioritized what you wanted, what would Anxious Mouse say? What is the message? What for your personal anxious mouse, why does that feel uncomfortable? And there's all different reasons. We all have different reasons. And for me, I'm sort of that person. And I traced it back to the fact that my father is a retired family physician. He is just like the most giving person ever. He set such a beautiful example of being a giving person. He you know, he was always doing house calls. People came to our house. No time of day or night would he ever say no. When you're in his office, you like he'll see you til all of your problems are taken care of. It wasn't like you have 10 minutes talk fast. Yeah, okay, you're done. It was a beautiful model. And to this day I go home and everybody gushes. Everyone has a story about the wonderful things my father did for their family. But I saw my dad at home. And I saw that sometimes he was exhausted and he was burned out. And he, I think he wanted to say like, No, I'm not taking no evening phone calls. But he allowed that sense of service to trump his own needs. 

Linda Kneidinger  40:35  
And I think I probably learned from him that doing, doing good. Doing those good things, takes precedence over your own needs. You push through because you're doing something wonderful. And so that, you know, that boundary, that boundary got blurry. I didn't know where it was. Where's is it okay, like, this is awesome and beautiful. But this part is for me, and that's where my line is.

Vonne Solis  40:58  

Linda Kneidinger  40:59  
For the big hearted person who says yes to everything, I would just want to investigate for them personally, what's that fear? What do they fear, they'll feel they'll feel or someone else will feel or happen if they were to begin to take back some space for themselves? And what would they want to do with that space? Some people have like no idea what do you even do with space for yourself.

Vonne Solis  41:23  
That's a really good point. So when you looked at and your dad was your model, he sounds like wonder a wonderful man. And it sounds like you had a wonderful family, home and environment. And, you know, being raised that way. At least I hope you did. 

Linda Kneidinger  41:37  
I did. 

Vonne Solis  41:37  
Yeah. Very, very, very lucky. But in terms of having that model, what shifted you? If, so if I heard you, right, you looked at your dad's model of doing and the serving took precedence over everything else. So did you have to learn how to set boundaries in your own life? To pay attention? To find yourself in there somewhere and what you deserve? So I guess what I'm trying to ask is, when service is taking precedence over everything else, it could even be like I said earlier, service to the kids. Service to the relationship. Service to you know, the job. Service to the church. Service to everything, everything. And then you do get lost in there. So, what are one of the first few things that a person out there listening stuck in this, how can they begin to find themselves and tap in? Like, really, really the very, very beginning? They may have not even heard the word authentic self. 

Linda Kneidinger  42:32  
Sadly, I think you have to hit rock bottom. You have to have something that sort of jolts you into, wait a second! Because when it is service, it's a good thing. And most people who engage in a lot of service really do, like they do have this big heart. You know, my sort of shaky marital moments were the things that shook me. And this was mid 40s. And you know, it took me a long time. It's like, wait a second. Of course, I love serving the family. Of course, I love serving the children. I love every volunteer position I've ever had, and I've had them all I have loved. But it was too many. And I think what I needed to feel was, wait a second. Not everybody who asks you to help them actually appreciates or deserves your, your heart and your help.

Vonne Solis  43:26  
Well, that's a loaded one. Yeah. And, okay. And you're gonna say if I asked you, Well, now, what would wake them up to that? So you're saying it would have to be a rock bottom, which there's different levels of rock bottom, of course, but a rock bottom for them that wakes them up and says I deserve more, essentially? Is that what you're saying?

Linda Kneidinger  43:49  
I think that is what I'm saying. It's the first time I've ever heard it. But yeah, I mean, that's, I know lots of women who are exhausted, but who won't get off the treadmill because this is sort of the life they set up. I don't, I'm not going to say that they don't feel they deserve to step off the treadmill. I just don't think they know that it's okay to step off the treadmill. That you, you can love your spouse. You can love your children. You can love your church. You can love your children's school. You can love volunteer organizations and you can figure out what feels good for me. Where do I need the space for myself? What would I do with the space for myself? And how do I get comfortable without over explaining? We were just talking this this with our 20 year old daughter. How do you, when every friend has a wonderful offer of what to do tonight, how do you without saying I'm sorry and without over-explaining, just say I'm not available tonight?

Vonne Solis  45:01  
You say I'm not available.

Linda Kneidinger  45:02  
Yeah. It's so hard for so many people. Like I still I have to

Vonne Solis  45:07  

Linda Kneidinger  45:08  
I'm such a, don't say sorry unless you've hurt someone is like, one of my main new things in my head. And I'll catch myself all the time going just for no good reason, like, I'm so sorry, I can't make it. And I'm like ahh, take that word back!

Vonne Solis  45:25  
Yes, I agree. I worked at a job and we were not allowed to say sorry, I can't attend the meeting, or whatever. We just said, regrets. Not available. And I've remembered that for years now. I do catch myself still. I wanted to just say here a little bit, that my feeling is this. That if you're going to spend any amount of time on personal growth. Expanded consciousness, so you know, which is a little different than personal growth. Personal growth is taking care of yourself. Connecting to your power within. Connecting to your purpose, your passion, which some people don't find until later years, and it can take that rock bottom thing to help them tap into that purpose, passion. But it is having in my opinion, in my experience, and my my practice, my personal practice, if I don't love and honor and respect myself enough to treat myself first the way I would treat others, then it really isn't an authentic experience. Because I believe that at some point, if you're always doing doing doing for others, I think it is going to catch up with you in more ways than one. It could catch up with you in terms of having you know, a breakdown in terms of the physical body. There could be illness. There could be a whole bunch of things that sort of tear you down and away from that to make you stop and want to really honor yourself first. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to honor ourselves and care for ourselves first. And I do not mean this in a selfish way. I mean, this in the aeroplane announcement. Put your mask on first and then help the ones that need your help. 

Vonne Solis  47:11  
So if you're sitting there drowning in all this goodness, not sure it's doing any good. I won't go so far as to say it's not goodness. I will say it's not really doing you very much good. And I think there's much more power and there's a much more productive way to share everything we've got to share when we're taking care of ourselves. So if I overdo it, I struggle with chronic illness. If I, you know, just flu bug, but if I overdo it and I'm sick in bed, I can't do my work. So it's taken me a really long, really long way without beating myself up. And that's another point I want to throw here right now, is we have to stop, for anybody out there who's like me and beats yourself up for our vulnerabilities and our weaknesses and our illnesses and all those things we can't do or are preventing us from being more today, stop it! And I don't know if you deal with that with your clientele, or even personally, but I really have to catch myself, not looking to continually make myself wrong for not being perfect. Or not being as productive or not being competitive or whatever it is that I think I need to be that I'm not being. Yeah, and I'm I think I'm getting there. I just want to say I think I'm getting there. Where I can like go, you know, it's okay. It's, it's the sky is not gonna fall. You're still going to get to where you're going. You don't have to get there the same way everybody else does. Or at least the same way you think everybody else does. I think that's a key point in tapping into your personal power and your own success, don't you, Linda?

Linda Kneidinger  48:55  
Absolutely. And if I can tie that to like sort of two topics that you and I have spoken about before. Going back to connection. Again, the number one thing we all want is to feel connected. And we will allow ourselves to get into unhealthy relationships and connections to have a sense of connection. But that's a false connection. And we kind of know that. When we are able to be in contact, not always, not always our most authentic self, but when we are feeling connected with our authenticity, we'll know which connections are really the best healthiest connections. And those connections, you know, not every connection in your life. Not every friendship or even even marriages and romantic relationships, that person cannot be our be all end all.

Vonne Solis  49:51  

Linda Kneidinger  49:52  
But when we are connected to our authentic self and we know that we are able to be that person, we can say no. We don't have to always be strong or available. And that person will be able to see that version of us and respect it and accept it. Those are our best connections. And those connections that aren't like that, to tie into another topic you and I love, there's sort of a non-attachment. And we sort of have all these expectations about what a best friend how our best friend will react. How a spouse will react. How people will see us. And we're not, we're not in everyone else's heads. Everyone has their own experience. So that ability to like, as long as I'm connected to my authenticity, and I can show up in relationships most of the time, and not give up that, that connection, and then I can have a non-attachment, I can feel non attached and drop my expectations about how this other person will receive me, it takes such a load off.

Vonne Solis  51:01  

Linda Kneidinger  51:01  
That's, you know we talk about peace. I mean, like, I can feel the peace in my body as I say that. Like, Hey, I'm showing up. This is me. Sometimes you'll get me. Sometimes you won't. Sometimes we'll be at odds. Sometimes we'll be totally in sync. And I'm just not going to be totally attached to everything always being perfect and right. And that's okay. That's, that's okay.

Vonne Solis  51:28  
Yeah. I want to sort of quickly just say here. I think deservingness is so important in connection. Ultimately, I'm not sure if what we're looking for is love in that connection. Acceptance? Like what are we actually looking for in the connection Linda?

Linda Kneidinger  51:46  
In a romantic connection?

Vonne Solis  51:49  
No. I mean, if connection is the number one thing that human beings are looking for, it'll be for different reasons, I expect. But would you say it's to be part of the collective to be accepted? Yes, to be loved, but we also want to be loved by our children. We want to be loved by our friends. We want to be loved by the world. You know, if we're visible and public, you know? And and so is it, does it come down to love and acceptance? I mean, really, generally simplistically speaking?

Linda Kneidinger  52:18  
Well, I mean, from the most simplistic if you want to take all the like the humanity out of it. In our brain, it's just safety. 

Vonne Solis  52:25  

Linda Kneidinger  52:26  
In our brain? Our most primitive part of our brain knows that it's dangerous to be alone in the world.

Vonne Solis  52:32  
There you go. That's what I want. That's a ding, ding, ding moment for me. And you know why? Because our brains, are reptilian mammalian, right? We're still in survival brain. I've read and taken part in webinars from psychiatrists, and they say we, the brain is still antiquated. We'll probably not in our lifetime, God knows how many 1000s of years where the brain would even be fully developed to have us develop the level of compassion and empathy really needed to experience a peaceful, loving world, ou know? So even for all of us that go, we need compassion and empathy and every bit we can learn is great. But our brains are preventing us from going beyond a certain level that we can experience. This from psychiatrists like Bessel van der Kolk, and so on. 

Linda Kneidinger  53:18  
We have this, we have the frontal lobe. We have this smart part of our brain with all this verbal ability. And then we have this reptilian brain. And so we we make up stories about why things in our life are where they are. Oftentimes, we're just being driven by this very basic reptilian brain, and we recognize that, and we sort of release ourselves. Like, hey, sometimes I do stupid stuff, that doesn't serve me and that's okay, because I was being driven by this need for safety, security.

Vonne Solis  53:49  
But that is so key. And one of the reasons it's so key for me is because I live with post-traumatic stress disorder. So for the last several years since I was diagnosed in 2014, so 2016, I started to really, you know, take an interest in and adapt therapies and information and how I could relate it to loss of a child. Because there's not a lot of work is in what I'm aware of, there's not a lot of work in PTSD and child loss and so on, so I have a huge interest in that. But the safety thing. When you said that. The connection at the simplistic, the most simplistic level is about feeling safe in connection? And my brain just went ah, yes. That's it. That's it. That's what I'm looking for in everything I do and all the anxiousness and all the things associated with PTSD. And there's a lot of people that are anxious out there. There's a lot of people that are hurting. There's a lot of people that are depressed. There's a lot of people bereaved. There's a lot of people lost. There's a lot of people with all those negatives. Which in your work, Ultimate You Coaching, you're trying to help them be the best they can be. 

Vonne Solis  54:55  
There's a lot of us are doing that same thing. We're trying to be the best we can be and I think it's fantastic to say that what we learn, it's great to be able to share and pass on in teachings and in other ways we do that. But if at the, at the very basic level, we are looking to be connected so we can feel safe. Yes, loved and all that, but I think safe tops it for me. I just, I think that's something worth pondering for anybody out there questioning their decisions. And even for the ones that we have made, and we've all made some bad decisions, or we could have made better choices, let's put it that way. Don't beat yourself up. If you look at the intention behind it, and then understand the brain will only allow us to act in a certain way. And if we are looking to feel safe, but then maybe loved and whatever, as well, love comes from feeling safe. If I feel safe with you, I'm going to let you love me, wouldn't you say? 

Linda Kneidinger  55:55  
Oh, for sure. 

Vonne Solis  55:56  
Right? So anyway, I'm going to be pondering that one after we hang up from this call, because it is just a lot of people talk about connection. And I don't like to think of connection superficially. You know what I mean? We want to be connected, but I'm not, I'm really not sure if people think about why they're connecting and want to connect. So if I'm just gonna throw this out there. If it is to feel safe, that kind of maybe helps people look at their intentions, which can help them think about their choices, their behaviors.

Linda Kneidinger  56:31  

Vonne Solis  56:32  
And that connection to their authenticity. Because if you understand what you're choosing and why. Why you need it. That ties into values, and so on and principles. But nevertheless, it's all about the intention. What were you going to say, Linda?

Linda Kneidinger  56:46  
Um just that that's, it goes back to that it's why people love Anxious Mouse. Is that it's, he just wants to be safe. And so that chirping, that voice in your head sometimes says things that do not serve your authentic self. Your best self. Healthy connections. But that's because that voice is really driven by a desire to be safe. And so we will do all kinds of things. We will, we will not serve our best self. I will listen to that woman way back and as an undergrad disparaging women in medicine. I will listen to her because it activates, it activated my Anxious Mouse in a way where he was like, that doesn't feel like a safe place for you. I didn't know that at the time. 

Vonne Solis  57:33  

Linda Kneidinger  57:33  
I didn't know when I reflected back on that, like, oh my gosh, why do I listen to these people? But ultimately, for whatever our whatever our life experience has been, some things for us don't feel safe. 

Vonne Solis  57:48  

Linda Kneidinger  57:48  
And we make choices. And then we use that verbal part of our brain and we chastise ourselves and judge ourselves and second guess ourselves. We are all doing the best we can in any given moment.

Vonne Solis  58:01  
I will mostly agree with that. One last thing I want to say about that before we move on to your key takeaways is that I think that I'll offer here that what you said about listening to that person in college who said something that impacted you because you didn't maybe have quite the confidence or it was just an, it's a it's a moment of the vulnerability that we're not sure of ourselves. And again, this can happen at any age and stage, depending on what's happened to us. We all feel vulnerable. Just one thing. It's It's true Linda, and this is nothing new. You know, you hear 100 positive things and one negative thing, we remember the negative thing. But when that information comes in through the brain, and it's aha! Aha! That that's a risk. That's a threat. The brain is looking for threats in survival. So even when we don't feel confident to do something because it's the unknown. And the unknown is always going to represent a little bit of a well, it could represent a threat, but it certainly represents the unknown and to change and risk and so on. That's the brain that's coming in and going, Yep, you see you can't do it. Nope. Better better stay inside my cave here where I already know what I've got around me. It's really quite, the brain is so fascinating, isn't it? 

Linda Kneidinger  59:21  
Oh my gosh. So

Vonne Solis  59:22  
Anyway, we could go on and we can't, but it's just enough to get people watching or listening to this to think about that the brain sometimes has its own way. And that's what I did learn about PTSD. When I took all blame for all the family's troubles in bereavement. When I learned that some of my decisions, it's just my brain was changed. It was different from the trauma. I was like, chew! So it wasn't my fault. Too bad. It took me you know, 10-12 years to learn that, but I'm just going to say that can apply to any situation where we take on a lot of responsibility. A lot of making everybody else happy, comfortable. They make them first and then things don't don't turn out well for them. That can pile a lot of stuff onto our brains. And, you know, further condition it to, Yep, see? You're not, you know, nope. You can't do it. No, you are bad. You are this and all those things that we were talking about that help us to ultimately lose ourselves and become invisible. 

Vonne Solis  59:23  
Some of the key takeaways Linda, we were going to speak very briefly about betrayal, but we're sort of going on here. So I all I wanted to say about that, if there's one thing or two things you want to say about those people who in addition to all of this other stuff, are really angry at others for something someone else has done, quote, to them. Authenticity is about taking responsibility for who we are. Where we are. Why we're there. What we want to do. Where we want to go. Taking responsibility for our journey. What's the one or two things you can help somebody with today who is struggling with feeling really betrayed about any situation? And angry that you know that they can maybe turn that into something positive for themselves?

Linda Kneidinger  1:01:16  
I think we touched on a lot of the pieces that feed into that. I mean, one is sort of

Vonne Solis  1:01:20  

Linda Kneidinger  1:01:20  
we just have all these expectations about how other people will be or should be about how things in our life should turn out. 

Vonne Solis  1:01:28  

Linda Kneidinger  1:01:29  
And those are, those are things we make up in our, in our mind, for reasons of probably safety. It makes, you know, we we want things like you said, we want things to be predictable. We want people to be predictable and they're not. So when we can get to a place where we can feel comfortable with letting go have some of that things or people did not turn out as I expected. But that's okay, I can still move on and maintain that connection to what is, Who Am I? 

Vonne Solis  1:02:00  

Linda Kneidinger  1:02:01  
What's important to me? What's my authenticity and staying grounded in that. That's all you have. Some self-compassion.

Vonne Solis  1:02:08  
Yeah. Yeah. Love yourself. Respect yourself. And ultimately, you shouldn't be in, in my opinion, you might want to let me rephrase that. You may want to consider, the more that you're allowing yourself to be hurt by situations or people whether or not that's really of any value to yourself, and what you're getting out of it. We keep ourselves in situations if we're still getting something out of it, or we still have lessons to learn. And if you're aware of that, I just want to say one last thing about that. If you're aware of that and you're really tuned into, you know, lessons from these hard experiences, and so on, and you're still experiencing something that's just stagnant. It's not changing. Status quo. And that's on you. That's on me. If you're going to stay in a situation that is stagnant like that. I'm just saying, and sometimes we may choose to do that, but understanding why we're making that choice, it's good. It still aligns with being authentic. You know why you're doing it. It's lining up with your your values. Your principles for the intention behind it and make it real. And my intent is always never to hurt another human being. And we always continually grow even from those tougher choices, too. I'm talking like I have experience. I do. I do.

Linda Kneidinger  1:03:23  
I love that. I just want to add one, I want to put one thing on top of that, is with clients we'll talk about that. You know, is this situation good for you? If it's not, then you have two choices. What is the very first step to take to begin to get you out of that situation? Or, for whatever reason, and it's valid, that's fine, you're going to stay in that situation, then cut the mental complaining.

Vonne Solis  1:03:53  
Yeah, I agree. And you do that with a different perspective. Different perspective, I think really just understanding why you're making the choice you're making. Because I think what I just want to leave with this, is sometimes we're in situations that aren't perfect. You did touch on that earlier. And we just can't change them. You can't change another person. Sometimes you can't change the situation. This could be you've got to stay in a job that you can't stand, but you've got to pay the bills. So changing the mindset, understanding everything is temporary also. You know, it could be 20 years but whatever. But once you understand that and accept it, if you really, really want to change something though, and you have awesome manifesting abilities, you'll change it. You'll find the opportunities and the way to change it. But I agree with you the mental, what did you call it? The 

Linda Kneidinger  1:04:47  
mental complaining

Vonne Solis  1:04:48  
mental complaining. Yeah, I think a lot of people like to mentally complain, but it can help us. It can help us sort through things and make choices you know from running that record over and over and over again, probably to the same one or two people. But you can actually make choices from that and become very clear and go, Yes, I am choosing this. Okay, I'm going to be good with this. And in order to be good with this, I'm going to have to look at it a little bit differently. That, I'm not gonna lie. That has happened with me. I won't say in what area of my life it has happened. And it's it's changed things for me and helped me be much calmer and much more accepting and even happier of the situation. Because I don't need to control any anyone or anything else. I just, I just need to manage me. 

Vonne Solis  1:05:37  
Linda, we are coming to a close. I just wanted to remind folks that your key takeaways are basically that it is a constant process. But authenticity brings us peace, non attachment to expectation, which I love. The connection and focusing on what we can control, not what we can't. And that sounds like we are growing up into wise, mature women, right?

Linda Kneidinger  1:06:06  
It only took us this long, but that's okay.

Vonne Solis  1:06:10  
I believe in wise women. And I believe that there is a point at which we can say we feel like a wise woman. And we can wear it. And we have earned our badge. And it is there in all of us. And I'm going to limit that to women. Okay? I'm gonna limit that to women. And we're all you know, there for each other. We've got each other's backs. We should have each other's backs because um, we've all got that spark of wisdom in us, even at really young ages. I think our young, our young ladies have lots to teach us too. 

Vonne Solis  1:06:47  
Linda, I want to thank you so much. I want to close with saying that you do have some wonderful resources. I know you've got your website, and I will be putting the link to that. Where can people find you on social media? I'll be putting the links but just so they know. Where can they find you on socials? 

Linda Kneidinger  1:07:02  
Yeah, sure. So on Facebook and Instagram, I'm under ultimateyoucoaching just all one word. I'm on LinkedIn under my actual, well, I guess I am under on LinkedIn under ultimate you but I post under my name Linda Kneidinger. 

Vonne Solis  1:07:20  

Linda Kneidinger  1:07:21  
And the best way like, if you're just interested in personal growth or you like to think about these things, I have a weekly newsletter. And every week, I have some sort of thought exercise or a common pitfall. I'll discuss the science behind it and then I'll always leave with action steps, because that's, you know, coaching is about action. So I'll always leave you with, here's something you can do to see how this is showing up in your life or how you can shift it in your life. So it's a weekly, an action-oriented weekly tidbit. And you can sign up for that if you're interested on the website.

Vonne Solis  1:07:55  
Absolutely. So, you know, this has just been so much fun. We could have talked about so much more because one thing always leads to another, but ultimately, it's about growth. Ultimately, it's about not staying stuck where you are. Anybody watching or listening to this, there are plenty of people who have tread before you that have experience to share. And if not, I still think we can learn from each other. I've learned a lot today. And so I thank you, Linda very much and encourage anybody who wants to work with Linda, go to her website. I'll have all those links in the description below. So again, thank you so so much, Linda for being on the show. It's been an absolute pleasure. 

Linda Kneidinger  1:08:36  
Thanks for having me. It's been so much fun. 

Vonne Solis  1:08:39  
All right. Thanks again.