Ep. 28 on the Grief Talk Podcast! We’ve all heard the world is your oyster. You can create anything. Yet, in a world that rewards competition and winning, we often hide whatever is limiting us in some way, if we even know this. Yet, limitations do not mean failure. In this episode from my online course “Get Me Started!” in the Beyond Bereavement series, learn how to succeed and still create the life that you want, despite any limitations that may be impacting you.
0:13 The sky's the limit
1:35 Real and persistent limitations
2:13 Drive and ambition
3:17 Turning down opportunities
5:29 Frustration - the universe is ours for the taking
7:25 Know what's broken to fix it
10:23 The world rewards winning
11:31 Limitations don't mean failure
BOOKS (by Vonne Solis)
“Lessons in Surviving Suicide – A Letter to My Daughter”
“Divine Healing Transforming Pain into Personal Power – A Guide to Heal Pain From Child Loss, Suicide and Other Grief”
“The Power of Change”
RESOURCES (Blog, Course & Meditations)
Start at Lesson 1: Regrets: Letting them go! Audio or YouTube
Go to previous Lesson 9: Ambition - More Means More! Audio or YouTube
Vonne Solis 0:00
Welcome to another Grief Talk Coffee Chat episode. I'm your host, Vonne Solis.
Vonne Solis 0:13
So welcome to Lesson 10 of your online coaching course. Limitations. What's Stopping You Now? So the interesting thing about limitations is that, certainly when you come from a background of spiritual practice, and metaphysics, one of the first things that we're taught is that the sky's the limit. The universe is abundant and you can create whatever you want in your life. So when you contemplate the idea that you may be living with limitations, certainly coming from this background, or even without having this background, it's a really scary thought. And we might not even be aware until something sort of takes us down, and we have to seriously look at our holistic health, and what's happening to us mentally, emotionally and physically. Obviously, physical limitations are easier to spot than perhaps mental and emotional ones, but these mental and emotional ones exist just as much as the physical ones. And as a matter of fact, can actually cause us to have physical disabilities or physical limitations just by the very nature that they have begun as mental and emotional limitations.
Vonne Solis 1:35
If you even think for a moment that you may be living with something that is impacting your life in such a way that it is limiting you but you maybe think you're crazy. It couldn't be. It's got to be something else. You know, I mean, you just haven't even been able to contemplate the idea of anything limiting your life in that way, understand that there are very real and persistent limitations that millions of people live with that are impacting them and stopping them from creating what they really do want in their life.
Vonne Solis 2:13
Now pursuing goals based on drive and ambition alone, and this is mostly for people who don't really yet understand limitations, they can be pushing themselves through this drive and ambition. And in some cases, it might actually be a saving grace for people to just keep on moving. And in some cases even be saving their life. In other words, having something, some kind of goal to keep pursuing, even though they may not be able to reach it because it's making their life seem worthwhile at that moment. But this drive and ambition, when it's used improperly, it can cause havoc in your holistic health. It may lead you when you're not reaching the goals that you're creating for yourself, or even having the motivation to get started to feel frustrated, depressed, anxious, even more stressed, ill or even stagnant, based entirely on not being able to create what it is we think that we want.
Vonne Solis 3:17
We may even be turning down opportunities. Some that we don't know why we're turning them down. Others because we gut-instinctually know we can't fulfill the obligations associated with that opportunity in our effort always to be pushing ourselves. So as an example, sometimes opportunities may be coming to us because people see within us something that we can't yet see for ourselves. They may see this drive. They may see this ambition. They may see what looks like success to them, and don't really understand or they fade away when we're not able to respond with a "Yes!" right away.
Vonne Solis 3:56
So a bit of my story. Many years ago, when I was still in the very early grief stages recovering from the suicide of my daughter at age twenty-two, this is back in 2005, so maybe around 2007 or so, maybe 2008, some opportunities were actually coming to me. And I really wanted to take them. And I just knew that the timing was not quite right. I didn't really know why. Because I was doing all these other things that would look to the person on the outside that I was like, okay. But inside I just not only was I really afraid, but I just knew something instinctually was not quite right with me. And it wasn't until my diagnosis of living with PTSD in 2014, which was nine years after my daughter's death, that I was able to put all of it together and immediately understand why I was hesitant and in some cases flat out having to turn down opportunities that would without a doubt have taken my life in a different direction to the one it has taken. But the thing to consider here is that when we do take something on that we're not ready for, I would question how long it's going to last for us anyway. In my own case, I was, you know, with all the stuff I was doing, I was driven to take a disability from my then job anyway. So anything on a much bigger scale that I was dreaming about for myself. Imagining for myself. Truly thinking I wanted for myself, I would not have been able to handle it anyway, despite the opportunities.
Vonne Solis 5:29
So at that time, in those years before my diagnosis, and you may be feeling this in your own life, if this content speaks to you, I was extremely frustrated with myself. And just not being able to understand why I wasn't able to manifest these changes in my life that I had built my adult life foundation on this belief that the universe is therefore our taking. And we can heal anything within us. We're perfect, healthy human beings. And we don't have to be afflicted by anything. The word limitations didn't even cross my mind. So when I got my diagnosis of PTSD in 2014, as mentioned, and I started to put all the dots together, I was able to prioritize life balance in a completely different way. And it really did change my life for the positive.
Vonne Solis 6:25
If you're living with patterns in your life that are centered around illness, fatigue, depression, stress, anxiety, other negative issues going on for you that you feel may be holding you back. You just can't quite get there. Consider whether you are living with limitations of some sort, whether they're temporary, or longer-term that you do need to get a medical diagnosis for. And at the very least, start adapting your changes to what it is that's impacting you in your life today. It's not a bad thing to have to do that. In fact, a diagnosis can kickstart you into making some priorities for your life that will set you on your path to what you're really supposed to be doing and certainly can manage in any given period of time.
Vonne Solis 7:25
You have to know what's broken in order to fix it. So fear about who you are holistically can prevent you from connecting to the freedom there is in finding your authenticity. And I am all about authenticity and helping people find their path to connect to their authenticity. Which often leads us to our purpose and certainly our passions in life. And when we can live surrounded by our passions, and one step further, even doing the purpose work we came to the planet to do, there's nothing more freeing than having that feeling that you're finally doing what you came here to really do. And there are a bunch of things we can be doing. But I'm talking now about things that you may be connecting to because of who you have become or are becoming, different than what you expected.
Vonne Solis 8:19
So a really good visual for this is ordering a package that needs to be assembled. Some type of product that needs to be assembled. And you get it and you open the box. And you open the manual for the assembly instructions. And you look at this assortment of tools. And you haven't got a clue what they are or how to use them because you can't really follow the instructions. I think that's happened to all of us. So you look at the image of the product on the front of the box. And you know what it's supposed to look like. But you just don't know how the heck you're going to assemble it. And so if you think of your whole body like that. Mind, body, spiritual self, feeling completely out of alignment but just not understanding what's wrong with you. And I will just throw this in this doesn't necessarily have to come from limitations from a traumatic event or some other event that's happened in your life. It can actually come from just feeling really, really lost. Which I wouldn't say is necessarily a limitation in the way I'm speaking about it today, but it could be considered another type of limitation. When you feel out of balance. Out of alignment with who you are and you don't know how to either rebuild yourself or guide yourself to the next step, whatever this may be, you have to have the knowledge of what you're dealing with and the proper tools and know how to use them to manage your life back to holistic health.
Vonne Solis 9:57
So understanding at any given point in your life, what may be challenging you. What may be quote "limiting" you temporarily, if not longer term, having the tools to manage whatever it is, and set goals accordingly to who you are today and what you're able to achieve and do today, is necessary for long-term healing and balance.
Vonne Solis 10:23
Living with limitations in a world that rewards competition, and specifically, winning in every area of your life is one of the reasons we hide our limitations or keep ourselves in fear about even knowing about our limitations. It's a reason why we drive and push ourselves, even when we, on an innate level, know that what we're pursuing doesn't quite feel aligned with who we really are and maybe what we even really want. Mentally, these limitations may be cognitive issues. They may be actual disorders. Stress, anxiety, mental fatigue, which of course can lead to physical fatigue. But most of the things that limit us mentally, and I will throw in here emotionally are unseen by others, and when our limitations are not seen by others, it compels us to further hide them, which only isolates us. We never feel like winners. If, in fact, we feel like we can be part of the game of life to begin with.
Vonne Solis 11:31
Limitations, however, don't mean failure. They just mean that you have to manage your goals and expectations for them differently. A key takeaway from this lesson is that limitations can actually help you become who you were meant to be. Now, I'm not suggesting that everybody lives with limitations. And I'm not suggesting that anybody watching this or listening to this is living with limitations. That's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is limitations are a natural part, in my view, and in my experience of something of great adversity, or something traumatic that has happened to disrupt our life in some way. They don't have to be long-lasting, and many of them probably aren't. But for however, long limitations may be impacting you, in my view and opinion, you have to give yourself a small window, if not a longer one of time to adjust to your new situation. Whether it is healing, recovery. Whether it's a loss that it was expected. Whatever it is that has impacted you, it naturally creates a change and often we feel limited by what we have to adjust to. The key is knowing what this is. How it's impacting you. And how long it's likely to impact you, so that you can adjust and manage your goals and expectations for your life a little bit differently.
Vonne Solis 13:01
As cliche as this sounds, the universe is abundant. You can create what you want when you know what you really want. And this can and does change over time and as we move through different life situations. Knowing what you really want and managing your life with what you really can achieve and do at any given time will set you on your path to being the master architect of your life.
Vonne Solis 13:29
Until next time.