Grief Talk w/ Vonne Solis

Ep. 22 Coaching Lesson 7: TRUST – You Can Do it!

January 18, 2023 Vonne Solis Season 2 Episode 22
Grief Talk w/ Vonne Solis
Ep. 22 Coaching Lesson 7: TRUST – You Can Do it!
Show Notes Transcript

Are you digging around in the sand to find your castle? Or do you already trust yourself enough to take you where you want to go?

 When you know what you want you can take yourself there. All change happens just by starting to think about how you want your life to look and feel as you imagine the kind of environments that you want to be in. What you want to study. The career you want to pursue. The promotion you want to go after. The type of friendships that you prefer. The loving relationships that you want and deserve. Whether or not to have kids. Where you want to live.

 You make choices all the time related these bigger life changes and throughout every single day as part of the minutia of daily living. But how much do you trust yourself enough to make the choices and changes that you really want?

 Being super in tune with who you are and what you want at every moment of the day is one of the most authentic things you can do for yourself.

0:00    Opening
0:13    Introduction to episode
1:20    When you know what you want!
3:01    When hard knocks hit
5:46    Survival
7:47    Taking action
9:00    Why we distrust
12:06  Be the architect of your life
13:14  Taking responsibility
14:01  Closing

BOOKS (by Vonne Solis)

"Lessons in Surviving Suicide – A Letter to My Daughter" (2021)
"Divine Healing Transforming Pain into Personal Power – A Guide to Heal Pain From Child Loss, Suicide and Other Grief" (2011/2018)
"The Power of Change" (2013)

RESOURCES (Blog, Course & Meditations)


Start at Lesson 1: Regrets: Letting them go! Audio or YouTube

Go to previous Lesson 6: Willingness: Do you have what it takes to change?

Subscribe to the podcast! Share episodes that you like. Connect with me on LinkedIn and Facebook.

Vonne Solis 0:00  
Welcome to another Grief Talk Coffee Chat episode. I'm your host, Vonne Solis.

Vonne Solis 0:13  
So welcome to Coaching Lesson Seven, Trust - You can do it! This is the seventh lesson in my online course "Get Me Started! from the Beyond Bereavement series. And if you missed the earlier coaching episodes, I discussed regret, failure, self-forgiveness, hope, acceptance and willingness. As a reminder, there is a PDF mini personal growth journal to download that accompanies those six coaching episodes. And now we're moving on to Lesson Seven, heading into the last few lessons of the online course. And this one starts with assuming you've already come to terms with things that you want to change in your life. Why you want to change them, and if you're ready to make changes for your life. Which the first six lessons basically lay a map out for you to help you decide what you're actually ready for. And it doesn't matter if you're not ready today to make any changes. The point is just to get started thinking about your life, and actually what you do want to change your life for the immediate future. And even if it's a little bit longer-term down the road, just having that in your consciousness. 

Vonne Solis  1:20  
The thing is when you know what you want you can take yourself there. And it has to kind of be in your mind. A lot of change happens just by starting to think about, hmm, how do I want to make my life look different. Feel different. What kind of environments do I really want to be in? What do I want to be studying? What kind of career do I want to pursue? What kind of promotion do I want to go after? Do I want to be in this relationship? Do I want to be in a relationship? Do I want to have kids? Do I want to get married? Do I want to live here? Do I want to, you know move across the continent? Do I want to actually move to a new continent? All of these changes that are bigger life changes and then the minuscule ones. The minutia of just daily living in which we make choices all day long. Being super in tune with who you are and what you want at every moment of the day, is one of the most authentic things you can do for yourself. 

Vonne Solis  2:14  
So when it comes down to trust, trust is all about having the confidence that an outcome that you want is actually going to manifest. Now a lot of people don't trust themselves. And we can go through periods where we feel very, very confident and can you know, trust in ourselves and, and, you know, make decisions and we're very determined to get ourselves from step A to step B. But any kind of life circumstance, any kind of loss, any kind of adversity, anything unexpected, can really knock the life right out of you and rob you of your confidence. Instill fear in you and it can certainly instill doubt, hopelessness, and the distrust, that life is going to get better for you in the immediate future. 

Vonne Solis 3:01  
Most of us want change immediately. We want to change if something's, you know, making us feel uncomfortable, we want to get out of that discomfort now! Like today. And just because we say we want to get out of our discomfort today, does not necessarily mean that we're filled with the confidence and able to trust ourselves, let alone the extenuating circumstances, other people in the world itself, that we're going to be able to get ourselves there. Now this can happen at any time, as I said. Any place and for any reason throughout our life. So having the basic mindset and tools to fall on, to know how to get yourself out of something, when hard knocks hit. And if they don't hit more power to you. But for most of us, we get you know, in trouble sometimes and certainly challenged with every area of our life that you can think of. And so just like I said, being centered. Knowing how to get yourself back centered in this mindset and in these tools, even when you feel you've been knocked down, is what's going to get you back trusting yourself that you have this inner ability. This personal power to manifest and the confidence to trust that any outcome that you want, within reason, and in the context of that what you're going after you really believe you are ready for, deserve and truly do want, these outcomes will naturally manifest for any of us. 

Vonne Solis  4:29  
So one of the biggest things to remember is that if you don't know what you want, you can't trust that you'll take yourself there. You have to know what you want to be able to take yourself to the next step, level, experience. If you don't know what you want it's like digging around in the sand to find your castle. Basically, you have to have the trust in yourself and in your ability. It's the confidence in your ability and knowing what you want that's going to produce an outcome every single time. Having something unexpectedly knock you off your feet can rob you of your confidence. It can instill fear in you. You can lose your faith. You can distrust yourself and others, and as I said, the world around you. You may even lose your identity. Loss can actually rob you of identity. Certain things that happen in life can actually make us become very confused about who we are. What we want. What we can do. Our very abilities. So bearing that in mind, change is mostly created from what we believe about ourselves and our abilities. And sometimes we need to have new skills to enhance our experiences and our enjoyment in life.

Vonne Solis 5:46  
However, anything that forces us into a state of survival is not going to allow us to trust things unfolding naturally in their divine right order and timing. You know, we're going to be worried. We're going to be like watching the clock. Like, when is this happening? We're going to be impatient. We're going to be fearful. We're going to be doubting. We're going to be expecting things to happen in a certain way. When you become so in tune with yourself and with the powers that be that help us tap into our heart, our strength, our own personal power, all of this expectation, this worrying this doubt, this impatience, it goes away. We just allow the Universe to work for us and bring us all that we truly want to manifest in our life and know that we feel ready for. One of the things that can be really hard, when you finally start to make the connection and love yourself enough. Have the faith. Understand your worth. Your value and that you're deserving of what you're asking for or what you really, truly want and may not even be asking for just yet, this is the makeup of trusting in yourself that you'll never let yourself down. You've got it. You've got this. You know what you what you want. Where you're going. And you've got the patience to take yourself there. And that is key. Trust allows you to just become quietly patient and watch as things unfold. And when you're asked to take action, seize an opportunity, you're okay with it because you know that feels right. For the next step to occur, I need to do this or I need to do that. And it is absolutely key to making anything happen for you and within you. 

Vonne Solis 7:47  
This idea of being connected to whatever it is next that you are required, as part of the what we'll call action step, this could be a change of though. This could be actually having to do something. Make a phone call. Apply for a job. Go on a, well, I don't want to say dating site, but do whatever it is to meet a person. Maybe make a social connection. Like whatever it is, that is related to whatever you want to manifest for your life, there will always be an action step or more, of some type to get you moving towards that. And when you trust in your ability and you trust in yourself, and you trust in the Universe unfolding for all this to happen, there is no fear about taking that next step. There might be a little bit of nervousness, but generally there should be and there's usually not any fear. For those that are doubting their own worthiness, do know that every single one of us is worthy, and offer value and are deserving of anything that we truly, authentically want.

Vonne Solis  9:00  
The two most common reasons we distrust is that we blame our circumstances on others and we don't trust them. We haven't yet taken responsibility for our life the way we want to be living. Part of this, I'm sure is because of the drive we have to succeed simply because of the competitive nature of our culture. We basically have come to define our worthiness, our value, our success, and what we have to offer and contribute largely to how well we're doing. How many wins we've had. How wealthy we are. How much materialism we're surrounded with. How great our family is. How perfect you know, we are. How good we look. You know, all of these things that are all external, and have really basically nothing to do with our internal wealth, value, wisdom, power and all of that which is responsible, really for lasting, authentic happiness and manifesting of outcomes to make that so.

Vonne Solis 10:13  
If we always feel like we're losing because of one) the circumstances we may be finding ourselves in repeatedly, or our inability to relate well to people. Just have things not working out for us the way that we think they should be working out for us, one, because we think other people want them for us or two, we truly believe that that's what we're supposed to go after for ourselves because we're not really tapped into our authenticity, and what it is we really truly want. Never mind deserve, but truly, really want. And some of this may even be purpose driven, but we can set up all kinds of blocks as a result of it. Again, because forces, sometimes and often outside of us, are pushing us to think we want a life that we don't really, really feel aligned with in our heart. And that can take some time to figure out. And sometimes we figure it out by doing things and making choices that, you know, show us what we don't want before we sort of can understand what it is that we do want. But when we're living in patterns of the former - other people's expectations or expectations that are you know, our own and are not aligned with our heart, or they're simply just too we're too demanding of ourselves, and we're not seeing the outcomes manifest that we're trying to create, it doesn't take long for us to start doubting our ability to create what we want. And we start looking at reasons that we might not be creating what we want. And then we start getting into that whole story of our worthiness and our deservingness and all the reasons we're not creating what we want, and trust goes out the window. And the last thing you're thinking about in that moment is you know that you're a confident deserving, amazing manifester of anything you really do want. 

Vonne Solis  12:06  
So it's really essential to remember that you are the only one that can be the architect of the life that you want. Nobody else can really and nor should they be telling you what you want need. Could be parents. Could be a partner. Could be friends encouraging you. It could be siblings. It could just be your own mind talk that's telling you to do do do do do this. And you just really are feeling very, very out of balance. Out of alignment with knowing that's just not right for you, but you may not quite know what is right for you. So one of the ways you can counter this is to sit down with yourself and make a list of the things that you really do want or are even just telling yourself that you want and understand why you want them. When you do know what you want, as opposed to not knowing what you want, you will surely take yourself there when you understand the intent behind the choice. 

Vonne Solis  13:14  
I'm a big believer that we create our own reality related to absolutely everything we are experiencing in life, good and bad. And there is no in-between. So taking responsibility. Taking ownership. Becoming the architect every step of the way. It's not a one time deal. It's as you change and grow and go through everything you're going to go through and have gone through in life, it's taking responsibility for that and deciding the type of future you want. The type of present situation you want to be experiencing. And knowing and understanding that you can create it every single time when you know exactly why you want it. 

Vonne Solis 14:01  
Okay, that's it for today. Just a reminder, anybody that does want to sign up for the online course there's a link down below with a discount offered for anybody coming through this podcasting channel. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. Until next time.

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