Ep. 16 There is no Mountain to Climb: Letting Life Happen For You!

Enjoy this fabulous conversation with Tina Brigley. Tina is a motivational speaker, coach, entrepreneur and woman-extraordinaire! She has been featured in USA today, Forbes and was named Thrive Global top 10 coaches to look for in 2021. She is on a mission to help women reclaim their feminine power and boss their life and business by breaking the chains that bind them to the status quo or anything else that is holding them back. More generally, we discuss how to move beyond adversity and create a positive mindset to let life happen for us! Never to us.

TIMESTAMP:

0:00   Introduction
1:10   Meet Tina
6:03   Owning your truth
11:17 The chains that bind us
18:15  The path of least resistance
22:31  Stagnation
27:30  Breaking free
35:53  Finding the courage to make big decisions
41:58  Authenticity leads to opportunities
52:34  Level up with Tina!


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Presented by Vonne Solis
vonnesolis.com

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Transcript

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Vonne Solis  0:00  
Welcome to another episode of Grief Talk. Everything you want to know about grief and more. I'm your host, Vonne Solis. As an author, life transformation coach, online instructor and bereaved mom since 2005, I'll be bringing you great content that is informative, inspiring and practical. Whether you have suffered a loss or other adversity, stay tuned and tapped in, as I cover a variety of topics to help you get where you want to go on your journey to heal and grow. 

Today's guest is Tina Brigley. Tina is a motivational speaker, coach and entrepreneur. She has been featured in USA Today, Forbes, and named Thrive global top 10 coaches to look for in 2021. Tina is on a mission to help women reclaim their feminine power and boss their life and business. And have we got a great show for you. 

Hey, so welcome to the show, Tina. Today I wanted to welcome to my audience, listeners and viewers Tina Brigley. Tina, welcome.

Tina Brigley  1:10  
Thank you for having me. It's so fun.

Vonne Solis  1:13  
Thank you so much for being here. Now, for my viewers and listeners, you might be wondering why I would be inviting a high performance coach to a grief talk podcast. But as you know, the tagline in this podcast is everything you want to know about grief and more. And coaching and anything we do to do with personal growth, personal development, consciousness expansion, and so on, really falls into the category of and more. And so with Tina. Tina, and I connected actually recently, but as I mentioned to her when we were talking offline privately, you know, she's got such a joyous being and, and a sparkle to her that number one caught my eye. But also what Tina, as a coach, basically practices, believes in and teaches, aligns with a lot of what I believe in, in my personal world. In my own coaching world, and for sure, as it pertains to healing. 

And so it is on that note that I wanted all of us to get to know Tina a little bit more. She's the real deal. She is authentic, and I'm all about authenticity. And just have a conversation with Tina, about her experiences. What she's doing. Some of the concepts and principles she's practicing and teaching in her life, and how they can help you, wherever you are in your either struggle to recover from some type of adversity or even devastating loss. And that's where I step in. I can always, you know, fill in those little gaps that I understand the grieving world needs so much. And also, if you are just really trying to change, rebrand, recalibrate your life. Rethink your life. I'm absolutely certain that you're going to find some of what we're talking, if not all of what Tina and I are talking about today, to be of absolute great help. 

So on that note, Tina, I am going to turn to my first question. And what I really wanted to find out a little bit more about myself, is you and I are aligned in when you talk about, we have to experience what we experience to be who we are today. And that is just so true. And so well we'll delve into that a little bit more, it does form the foundation for a couple of other, you know, things we're going to be talking about in this episode. But I wondered if you could just let us know a little bit more about who you are, what you do, and how you came to do it.

Tina Brigley  4:14  
So who I am. Well, first of all, I'm a mother. And the reason why I started off with saying I'm a mother is because the reason for my existence I swear, is to raise my beautiful daughters. I mean, they are just extraordinary human beings. They motivate me to be better. And so I am a mother. I'm a coach, but I was an elementary school teacher for 14 years. I taught students with special needs. And you know, now I call myself an authentic leadership coach. And the reason why I believe that I'm an authentic leadership coach, is because I practice what I preach and I preach what I practice on a regular. And I really do believe that the only difference between someone who's inauthentic and authentic is authentic people are aware of when they're being inauthentic. And I can tell you I'm inauthentic all the time. When I'm afraid. When I'm playing small, but I notice it and I catch it. And it's really a passion of mine to help leaders become more authentic by being aware of where they're being inauthentic. Not only in their business, but in their lif. In their grieving. You know, I'm not a grief coach, but I mean, just this year alone, I lost my stepbrother. I lost my father, I lost my nephew. 

Vonne Solis  5:30  
Oh, wow. 

Tina Brigley  5:31  
There's been a lot of upheaval. I lost my business. I divorced my husband. When you look at all those things, there is a process of letting go of all of that. And people ask me, you know, with this genuine sincerity, are you okay? And before I would say, Yeah, I'm fine. And that was fake. That wasn't the truth. It was inauthentic. Because inside, I was dying, but I was too afraid to share how I was really feeling on the inside. So now when people ask me, Are you okay, I'm like, let me think about that.

Vonne Solis  6:09  
That is, I just want to interject for a second Tina. That is so powerful. And I'm gonna let you continue talking about who you are and what you do. But I want to stop for just a quick second there, because a lot of what I do as well is based in owning our truth. And we can't move forward, if we don't own our truth. As frightening as it is for other people to hear. As annoying as it is for other people to hear. But more importantly, and then I'm going to let you get back to it, as afraid we are that it's going to marr us in some way, and kind of kick us out of the game or keep us out of the game. And when we're coming from a lot of adversity, and everything you mentioned about loss is grief. Divorce, and I'm very, very, very sad to hear about all the human losses you have experienced as well. Those ones are tough, including your nephew. That had to been incredibly difficult. So I'm just saying and a reminder for the audience, this grief is about a lot of things, and no one can escape it. So thank you for sharing about that you want to be honest and authentic by saying you know what? I'm going to think about going to think about whether I'm okay. And part two to that is whether or not you're going to tell someone. I'm going to that's in general terms, folk. But at least think about telling the truth to others whether or even yourself, whether or not you're okay. So getting back moving on. Who you are.

Tina Brigley  7:49  
Yeah, I mean, it's funny, because when people ask me, who are you, we usually talk about our job titles. I'm a coach. I'm a business owner, but that's not who I am. Who I am is a leaderr. Who I am is authentic. Who I am is a vulnerable human being that really deeply, deeply cares about the world that I live in. And yeah, I feel in my heart that I have a gift to give to the world. I don't know why I have this gift or why I was given a you know, I used to call it the s..t end of the stick.

Vonne Solis  8:23  
Yeah.

Tina Brigley  8:24  
Oh sorry. I can't swear. I used to call it the crap end of the stick.

Vonne Solis  8:31  
Thank you, Tina.

Tina Brigley  8:35  
The crap end of the stick because I thought, why, why is this happening to me? But now in hindsight, I see everything that happened didn't happen to me. It happened for me. It led me exactly to where I am today. And so I have a different view about my life. And I feel the blessings that my life has given me. Even though at times it felt really hard, it felt really challenging. It was all an opportunity to really become more resilient, more focused, and more in tune to who authentically I'm supposed to be.

Vonne Solis  9:13  
This is so, this is so powerful. And I just wanted to quickly ask you there. Can you give without diving into a lot of depth about these experiences, but when you say that you felt like you had the crap end of the stick, a lot of people feel that way. Can you just give a few examples about what was happening in your life to make you feel that way? The reason I'm asking is again, so people who are listening or watching this can relate and go yes. And then look at you because we're going to be talking about how to get out of that. So what were some of those, like briefly, experiences that you went through?

Tina Brigley  9:52  
Yeah, so I mean, one of the biggest things, one of the biggest challenges that I had growing up, was my dad had schizophrenia. So my home life was very unpredictable. And I didn't really, I became a parent at a very young age because I was taking care of my dad when I was 11 years old. Helping him through his depression. Helping him through his episodes. And then my mom didn't know how to really deal with it. So I like to say she used work as an exit strategy to avoid life. So she worked midnights. She was rarely home. So that was one of the things. Of course, like the typical stuff, divorce. But on top of that, I mean, our family when we were going through my dad's depression and his suicidal tendencies, and he tried to commit suicide. Then our house burned down. My parents got divorced. I went to a school, I was bullied for two years to the point of like, being afraid for my life. And then it just went on and on and on. And there's just things. Like I witnessed, my friend tried to commit suicide. I found him in his car. Saved his life. I witnessed an accident where somebody literally caught on fire in front of my eyes and burned alive in a car. And I was like, helpless. So I mean, there's so many things. I mean

Vonne Solis  11:09  
Yeah, 

Tina Brigley  11:10  
really graphic. When I say I've been through it, I've seen it, I've done it. I really have.

Vonne Solis  11:17  
Yeah, you have. So folks, again, viewers, listeners, don't think that anybody you see who looks so together, and shiny. We become shining lights because of what we've gone through and have decided we don't want that to reflect who we are as human beings. So Tina, it is so understandable why you are an authentic leader, filled with compassion and empathy just because of all of these experiences that you have described that nobody would want to go through. And by the way, we have a lot of similar things in alignment from our pasts, in terms of suicide attempts and stuff like that by a parent. And I don't really do a lot of public work about that. But you know, maybe you and I can have some other conversations about things that we're talking about right now. So I want to, in getting to know, sort of what led you to do what you now do as a as a coach and in leadership and so on, was there a defining moment? You said you were an educator for 14 years. What was the thing that just made you decide that you wanted to go into coaching?

Tina Brigley  11:18  
So I think the biggest thing is, I remember walking into work on a Monday morning, and I was wishing that it was Friday. And then I had this, you know, I was observing myself because I thought man, every Monday I wish it was Friday. And then every Thanksgiving, I wish it was Christmas and Christmas. I wish it was March Break and March Break, I was wishing for the summer. And I had this realization that I felt like I was wishing my life away. I dreaded going into work. But I felt really truly guilty and shameful about that because I went to school. I had an education. I made over $100,000 a year. I had 12 weeks vacation, pension, benefits. All those things. All those boxes were checked. But inside, I felt like there was something more for me. I really believed that this wasn't really where I was supposed to be. But I didn't know where I was supposed to be. I just knew that there was something missing in my life. And this was right around the time too, where I said I recently got divorced. My husband and I separated in 2015. Got back together and we got back together for three years, and we just recently separated. It's very amicable. But there was a lot of change going on in my life with my relationship. With my business. And I had this awakening of, is this really what I'm supposed to be doing? And I remember I had a conversation with a coach. And she asked me, you know, the question, do you want to be a teacher or do you want to be a coach? Because I had just signed up for a health coaching program to try and find purpose in my life. To try and change my life. And I remember thinking, Well, of course I would love to be a coach, but nobody just gives up a job. Nobody just quits something to do something else. Like that's just selfish, you know?

Vonne Solis  12:40  
Well and financially a lot of people, myself included have turned down opportunities because it just wasn't the right time. And you know, maybe you're needing to, you know, look after your obligations and stick to that job and you know, deep down inside, I love what you're talking about. That moment or moments where you know, I am so out of alignment with my life right now but I don't know how to change this. It happens to all of us when we start to tap into our authenticity. Which can be from experiences. It can be from a changing mindset. It is you, you know, you have to you don't just become authentic one day. We have to work at it. And that's why there's tools. There's teachers. You know, there's practices. There's commitment. There's a lot of things that help us find our authenticity, and more importantly, stick to our authenticity when the challenges become too much and we want to give up. Which I'm sure, possibly have happened to you, Tina. They happen to me all the time. It's like, you know, oh, can I keep going. But that's a whole other different, different topic. So I really love what you're saying. Particularly, I wished every Monday was Friday. And after wishing every holiday was longer, or the next one in sight, and eventually saying, you were wishing your life away. Key point to focus on because I personally believe a majority of people feel like that. They may not be able to put it in those exact words. But I do believe that based on how much unhappiness there is in the world. What do you think about that?

Yeah, I mean, I think that, and I talk about like chains versus choices. I feel that there's these unconscious things that hold us back. We don't really know why. But we tell ourselves a whole bunch of lies to keep us exactly where we are. One of the lies is I don't have a choice. I went to school for this. I can't make any other money. I'm selfish. I don't deserve to have something better in my life. It's not going to work. So I feel like we tell ourselves these lies, and they chain us. And then we have things that happen in life, where we make decisions about ourselves. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I can't handle this. And we add more and more chains. And I feel like as women in particularly, we don't just put our own chains on ourselves. We get chains put on us from society. From our upbringing. From programming, And, and choice is very different right? Choice is when we want something, and we just choose it, without the constraint of thinking about the future. Thinking about the money. Thinking about all these things, all these chains that we put on ourselves. We just think about, if I were to just choose it,

Yeah.

Tina Brigley  16:22  
what would that look like? To just, I want this because I want it.

Vonne Solis  16:42  
Yeah.

Tina Brigley  16:42  
I want something different because I want something different.

Vonne Solis  16:47  
Yeah. 

Tina Brigley  16:47  
You know, I'm gonna go after this job, because I want to go after this job. Where we don't think about, you know, some people say, Well, isn't that irresponsible? Aren't you worried about finances? And I think in my situation, being a coach, I really firmly believe that I get to choose. I try not to think about the losses, but I think about the gains. What is there to gain? And what are the actions I get to take?

Vonne Solis  18:15  
So just want to clarify, when you talk about the path of least resistance, are you talking about all these choices, these lies that we tell ourselves, that that kind of tempts us into just doing whatever is easy as well? Or is that different from the lies we tell ourselves?

Tina Brigley  18:32  
Yeah, so I like to I like to characterize this as like decisions versus choices as well. You know, the, the Latin word of descindere - de and scidricide. Cide is like scissors. Like it means to cut off and. Sorry, de means off and scissus means cut. So cut off. So sometimes when we're making decisions, what we're doing, is we're thinking about all the past. We're thinking about the future. And then what we're doing is we're eliminating choices. And what we usually tend to do, is we create a decision based on the path of least resistance. So what's going to be the easiest for me. Now, this is an example. You know, say there's a couple and I'll use my own life for an example. My husband and I, like I said, we're separated in 2015. We got back together in 2018. We just recently separated again. So when we got back together for the second time, I knew in my heart, we weren't meant to be back together. I realized that I was back together because I couldn't stand being away from my children. And I was thinking I made a decision. Well, this this and this was good. And this this and this wasn't. I was weighing the pros and the cons. I get to have this and then I chose. The path of least resistance was like just staying with him and pretending that I was okay. And pretending that everything was fine. And have our perfect little family, but inside my heart was like, Oh, by doing that, what am I giving up? What am I sacrificing? My own internal happiness. But that was the easiest thing to do. Because the alternative was, oh man, now we have to sell our house. We have to split our assets. We have to go to lawyers dadadadad. All of these things become like obstacles. And we have all these obstacles, and we think about all the work to remove all of those obstacles, and we make a decision. Nah, that's too much work.

Yes, yes. 

And so I realized, okay, so what if I only had to focus on one obstacle. And then another. And then another. And when those will, obviously, they will go away. Everything will be figured out, because everything's you know, as Marie Forleo says, everything's figureoutable. What will I be left with? Peace of mind. Happiness. Of knowing in my heart that that was the right decision. Because the other thing that I know to be true is that when your heart is calling for something else. When your intuition is calling for something else, you'll start, your body has this innate wisdom. It will start giving you signs that something needs to be transformed. Something is not aligned. And a lot of people get dis-ease, disease in their body, because there's something misaligned. But they won't pay attention because it takes too much work. So I feel like we go through life avoiding the work. And what we sacrifice is our happiness. Is our coming to our internal essence. Our compass. The inside, Who we're actually destined to be. And the more things that happen in our life, the more chains we put on. The more resistance. The harder it seems to remove those obstacles. Because it's almost like a link. You know, life happens. You add a chain. And then you add another link and another link, and then you add this stuff. People just get so overwhelmed that they believe, there's no possible way this can ever be different. Because I just can't do it. Remember those lies I was telling you about?

Vonne Solis  22:18  
Yes. Yes.

Tina Brigley  22:20  
I'm not strong enough. I can't handle this.

Vonne Solis  22:24  
Yeah,

Tina Brigley  22:24  
I can't do that. And it's just lies to keep us on the path of least resistance.

Vonne Solis  22:31  
If I didn't know better, I'd say you wrote my first book. Because I basically basically, we're, we are absolutely kindred sisters, in terms of what we believe, teach. Whoever our audience is, I believe in everything you you just finished saying. That is exactly what I am aligned with. So, when you talk about stagnation, well, I want to ask you quickly a couple of things. First of all, what does it feel like for you and what you talked about using your divorce as an example was extremely helpful, because, look, there's a lot of divorce. Everything you mentioned about divvying up the assets. Having to sell the house. Having to give up what's like super comfortable, which we can call status quo. We can call it stagnation and so on. But, and I love that you said taking one obstacle at a time. It's so important to remember that you know, we're really not equipped to handle, I'll do 10 things at once. I mean, we might do them, but eventually you burnout and so on. So, taking one problem, one obstacle, one decision, one choice at a time. That is, is essentially I have to live like that I have to because of managing my health and so on. But what I wanted to ask you, two things. We'll wrap this into one question. What did it feel like for you, when you made what sounds like to me, this is my real, like, this is my decision to keep my authenticity, to actually end the marriage this last time. And by the way, no harm in trying as many times as you want folks, in my view. But anyway, what does it what did it feel like in the happiness in the authenticity part of it for you, and what did stagnation feel like?

Tina Brigley  24:34  
You know, it's interesting because it felt painful. You know, I remember I went for a walk and there was this conservation near my my like my house. So I'm walking the path and I'm going round and round in circles and circles and circles. Then after about the 10th lap, I saw this little path. And the path was along the creek and there was a whole bunch of debris. I wasn't sure where it was going to take me. But I thought, how could I just walk around and circle and circle and not see this? So I decided to take it down this path. And there is like all this debris and rocks and mud. And so I just trenched through all of this thinking, Oh, my gosh, why did I do this? Why did I do this? This was a really not a very smart idea. And then at the end, there was a clearing. There was a path of beautiful trees. It was clear. And I remember seeing that and thinking about my relationship with my husband. We kept going around and around in circles. Getting personal development. Getting coaching, getting therapy. Trying to fix a problem, and then I just thought, what if there is no problem to fix? What if there is actually nothing wrong? We are just not meant to get to the next chapter together. We were supposed to be together. We're supposed to have children together. And when I had this realization, I asked myself this one question. If the way things are right now, is the way they were in 10 years from now, would I be okay with that? And the answer was no. This was like 22 years of trying and working on it and trying to fit. Like I felt like a square peg in a round hole. And so I remember I took him to that same conservation area and I said, you know, we've been going to counseling. We've been going to therapy. We've been doing things. And I love you with all my heart. And I know in my heart, we are not meant to be together. Because I love you, I need to let you go. For me and for you. I'm holding myself back. And I'm holding you back from having everything that you want in a partner. I can't give you that. And that was really painful in my heart to say those words, because for weeks I had a process. What was I going to say? How was I going to feel? What was he going to say? What was he going to think? I created all of these stories. And then what he said really shocked me. He said, I completely agree. I feel the same way. 

Vonne Solis  27:16  
Wow.

Tina Brigley  27:17  
I had spent years trying to work up the courage to say this, even though I knew it in my heart. And meanwhile, he like was not giving up on our relationship. But he said it shouldn't be this much work.

Vonne Solis  27:30  
Yeah. One thing I think women do is I think they tried to solve problems for both parties in the relationship. And there might be the rare case that it's equal working and pulling together. But I also think we take a lot of the mental and emotional stress on of when things don't feel authentic for us anymore. And it's like you say, you still really love the person. But sometimes your roads just come to an end because they need to for what you're going into in the future. So stagnation can feel like a lot of different things. But in my view, it feels mostly like you're you're just absolutely out of balance and trapped. What would you say stagnation feels like for you?

Tina Brigley  28:13  
Yeah. Stagnation is not something I'm really accustomed to because I change so much. 

Vonne Solis  28:22  
Okay, okay. 

Tina Brigley  28:23  
Um, because when I start noticing it, like the the feeling of stagnation for me, is being stuck in a rut. Being stuck in a disempowered place where I feel like I don't have choice. And I think because for so many years, I've really worked on this, stagnation is not a possibility that I create in my life. So I feel it and I notice. I look within right away. Because it's not a very good place to be. And I think it becomes a very bad habit. And people spend most of their lives in bad habits. And then they wake up when they're sick. When they're dying. Or when they've had a major life trauma happens to them. Like they they wonder, what would happen to my life?

Vonne Solis  29:17  
Yeah, and I'll jump in there. So, when I experience stagnation, it probably is not exactly the right word to use for my experience with it. But a lot of it, I'll speak to very quickly here for again, the grieving community. I think we do get stagnated in, if that's a word. I think it is. But anyway, we welll we feel stagnation in our grief. So I'll speak to it from more a mental and emotional stagnation. Where there are these feelings, of pain, of hurt, of frustration of hopelessness. Those are the types of things I sort of work in and how to unstick our mind from the trappings of what has happened to us that has been so horrific or painful, you think nobody else could ever relate to it or understand it. So I actually applaud you, Tina, for being very, and I mean that with respect, you know, like for listening to the body. Being aware of your body. Being brave enough and courageous enough to go, you know what I'm out of balance. I've got to change this. Because it's key to moving forward. But again, I do want to remind viewers, listeners. Tina spoke about the fact her marriage didn't end in one day. It took, it took tries and years and, and, and thoughtful, you know, decision-making when you finally parted. And you parted in love, it sounds like, as you say. And trusting that the future is going to unfold for you the way it needs to unfold. But on that note, I just want to ask you. Did it require a lot of trust for you, with this final parting. We'll just say final parting, that your future was going to unfold the way you envisioned it? And what do you do to keep the trust that that's exactly what's going to happen? 

Tina Brigley  31:17  
Oh, man, I love these questions that you're asking because they're so so incredible, and so deep, because I think it's all about trust. And one of the things that I didn't do for many years was trust, that you know, whatever you believe in God, the universe. Source. Whatever people say. I believe that if I'm on a path, and it seems clear, chances are it's not my path. And I trust that when things happen, and I said this before, but I'll say it again, that they're not happening to me, they're always happening for me. There's a lesson that I'm learning that I need, because I've seen it over and over and over again. Anything that's been traumatic or hard, it's always come around to be a blessing in my life. And so I really start seeing things as blessings. And when you start seeing these things as blessings. You know, like my husband and I, we were arguing a lot. Now that we're separated, we're best friends. I call him all the time. I helped him move, he helped me move. He helps me around here. I mean, we really, truly are friends. Right? So I didn't know that. I thought it might be a little more bitter. A little more resentful. But it wasn't. And this is the thing too. This is the strategy that I use on a daily basis. I feel like sometimes we have like what happened, and then we create a whole bunch of stories around what happened. And then we collapse them as if what happened in the stories about what happened are one. And so it's like, what happened? My husband and I separated. That's it. That's what happened. All the other drama around it, it doesn't matter. You know, even with my business partners. You know, they asked me to step down after building the business for two years. And there was a whole bunch of stories I was creating in my head about worthiness and deserveability and not enoughness. And I'm this and I'm not and I'm like, Whoa, what happened? They asked me to step down as co-founder. And I would think that that was like a major, in the moment, man, this is such a major setback. I just got a divorce. I just bought a new house. Now technically, I'm out of work. And like, that's a story. That is a story! You know, if you catch yourself in, like, what's really happening? No, I'm a coach. I am a business owner. I'm an entrepreneur. Nothing, you know, I'm just going down a different path. And I trust with 100%. I believe in myself. And I believe that if it's happening to me right now, it's happening for me. It's teaching me a lesson. And I just try and stay present. Right here right now. What's happening right here right now. Try not to look back and I try not to look too forward, because when I look back, I get depressed. When I look forward, I get anxious. And so I try and just, what do I need to focus on right now? And it's really, really important for me. You know, we talked about stagnation and getting in that disempowered state. It's very important for me to shift my state. So if I feel myself in a state of being very disempowered, or complaining, or projecting, or being a victim, I'll go for a walk. I'll exercise. I'll listen to meditation. I'll do like my Positive Intelligence reps. I'll do mindfulness. Whatever it takes to get out of that state, because I know it's a very, very slippery slope once you get there, to keep going deeper and deeper and deeper, and I really truly believe that's how a lot of mental health issues get started. Because we don't see ourselves slipping down the hole. And we don't know how to get out. So I've been in that hole. I know what it's like to be severely depressed and anxious, and feel like I have no hope. And, and there's no way out. You know, where you have those thoughts of, what the heck did I do? What's wrong with me? And so now because I've been down that hole, and I got myself out, now I start seeing when I'm slipping. And when I'm starting to slip, I have people that I reach out to. I take on coaching. I'll pretty much never be without a coach. Why? Because coaching is my life with velocity.

Vonne Solis  35:52  
Yes. So a lot of what you're talking about Tina, affects, I think everybody. You know, and and sometimes it gets really frustrating. You know, when you're in a role of leadership, leadership. Author of books as I am. I used to do one on one readings for people. You know, I actually, I didn't call it coaching because I came from an angelic world, and I was able to channel angels. And I used to do a lot of healings and stuff with people one on one. And I had to sort of give it up because it my own health sort of took a dive. But I wanted to touch very briefly, I mean, this is a subject for a different episode, actually an episode that we could dedicate to talking about. But when you have the trust, you know, I think faith comes along with the trust as well. We have to have faith. We need to have trust in ourselves. And we have to have trust in our choices. Trust in our decisions and so on. But do you think there is a a time, so in other words,  do you think we have to, people have to prepare for choices? Like when you were talking about leaving the marriage, and you, did you think in advance before you made your final decision about, I'm going to have to sell my home, and here's how I could do that. And here's what I could do with the proceeds. And you know, here's where I want to purchase my new place and the type of place I want to have and I can afford to have in the location? I mean, did you sort of plot all this out? When I say plot, think about, strategize with others before you reached that final decision? Because, I don't want to assume for anybody that they can make, or we don't want people making rash decisions. So what's your advice to people in how to prepare to make some of the biggest decisions that could be painful? Such as ending marriages or relationships where there is a lot of history. There's children, properties, and so on. The family breakup. There can be a lot of grief with the family breakup, you know, in terms of of how that's going to impact everybody, when that unit's no longer looking the same. So sort of two things. So did you strategize? Should people strategize and know what what the potential consequences and results of that decision could bring to them? And then, at the same time, do the meditation. Do the walking, have the trust, have the faith. And I have always found when we make the decision, the opportunities come. What's your feeling on that?

Tina Brigley  37:01  
Yeah, I mean, the second part is exactly how I feel. I think many people stay exactly where they are, because they get so stuck in the logistics of what's next. And they try and overstrategize. Overplan. Try and have everything figured out. I have a shirt that says relax, nothing is under control. That that is the truth. So the first thing that I did you know, when I was really, I went to a silent retreat, actually. I went to a three day silent retreat. And I just got quiet for three days. And I meditated for three days. And in the quiet, in the stillness. In quieting my voice, quieting my inner dialogue, you know, it was really confronting because it didn't matter about the house. It didn't matter about the things. It didn't matter about how it was going to impact my children. Because I knew and I had faith that if I was going to create it the way that it was going to be, it was going to go the way that I say it goes. And I didn't have to have it all figured out. I just had to remember that one step. Is this something that I want in my life? Do I want to make this decision? It's the same thing that happened with teaching. When I was standing in my living room debating on whether or not I was going to quit teaching, which was a huge decision, all of this noise. This mind chatter. The, but what about this and what about that and what about that, and dadada, all of these things would have stopped me from actually just choosing. So I had to be very present and say, What do I want in this moment right now? And I said, I want to leave teaching. Okay. That's all you need to know right now. And I remember so many times talking to my friends, and they would say, that is so selfish. You can't just go through life like that. You can't go through life just making these irrational decisions. And I said, What if they're actually rational?

Yes. Agreed. 

You know, what if they're actually what we're supposed to be doing, but our brain overrides our heart, and all the past and all the future overrides our heart. And what if we could just get into our heart? And what does our heart want? And believe, believe that, from that place, you can't make a wrong choice. And you are supported in that choice. 

Vonne Solis  41:03  
Yeah.

Tina Brigley  41:04  
Yes, always.

Vonne Solis  41:09  
Yeah, I really do a lot of, you know, soul searching. I make my own decisions and choices based on on what my heart is telling me. Even when they really are frightening. I do want to just remind, again, the audience, that some decisions that we really know we need to make, at least this has been my experience, you know, like, they can take a while to get there, where the opportunities present in your mental state. Your physical environment. That now, I get to do this. So, I don't want anyone thinking that, Oh, we're supposed to go out and just because it feels wrong, right, this second, I gotta change my life. Which as Tina is talking about, locks us into all kinds of mental blocks and physical blocks. It's more about, I am a big believer, and Tina, I'll ask if you are too, that the moment we tap into our authenticity, which expands the more experience we get, obviously. It's staying, it's staying true to the authenticity, that that becomes the journey. And the opportunities come. But would you agree with me that people that need, that feel out of alignment, and do actually figure out what they want to do next, just pick one thing. What's one thing that you want to change next? I start in a lot of my practice and teaching with, just pick one little thing. Just one little thing. Paint a room. Buy a candle that feels like, you know, it's empowering you in some way. And then, and this is for people who like basically can't get out of bed or leave their house or whatever. Coming from really tough pain. But, as we start to do these little things and trust ourselves and say, yeah, that actually does make me feel a little bit better. Because I believe healing is a choice. I believe feeling better is a choice, mentally. I believe that we can get out of bed and start our day feeling awful and crappy and wanting to just moan and whine about it. Or say, and you can do this at any point throughout the day, I don't want to feel like this right now. It's of no benefit to me or anybody else. The bigger decisions, such as changing careers, ending careers, moving, separating, ending a relationship. All of those really big life-event decisions, would you agree that sometimes we need to just know in our mind and say I've made my decision. And then wait for the opportunity or just not wait, but well, yes, maybe wait and seize the opportunity when the next decision we have to make presents itself. What are your thoughts on that?

Tina Brigley  43:55  
Yeah, so for me, it was interesting, because when I left my teaching job. When I left my relationships. When I left my business partners and my seven figure business is what I had. I walked away from that. This was my experience for those major things that happened. I started not sleeping well. I was getting up every day at three o'clock in the morning. I was feeling like physical pain in my body. There was, my mind was scattered. It, I felt a lot of anxiety. It felt like everything was bubbling, bubbling, bubbling, bubbling. And it got to the point where I knew in my heart, like, I didn't have the courage, but I could feel it, feel it, feel it. And then there's this moment where you just know. It's an inner knowing and nobody can tell you to do it. Like it took me years right? It took me lots of time, but when you know it, you have this pivotal moment where it's clear. There's clarity. There is peace in your heart, in your soul. And then that's where you come from that place. But I find that what we do, sometimes, is we never allow ourselves that clarity, because we stuff the emotions. Those strong emotions that are coming up, are trying to get us to take action. And what we do instead, is we go drink some wine. Or we, you know, I don't know, go party or work a lot, or we try and do whatever. Like, no, no, I'm not feeling this way. I'm not feeling this way. And I say just embrace all the feelings; strong, negative, positive. All of those feelings are there to wake you up to something that needs to be transformed. And if you allow it in. If you allow it to flow, if you allow yourself to be with those emotions, there will be clarity. And in that clarity, you will know that you are on the right path. And I can't explain this. You gotta experience it. And I just trust that people that are listening right now, that might be in a situation where they're having a hard time getting out of bed. You know, it takes something to generate yourself when you're that low When you're that stuck. But when you do that, and you actually experience the emotions that you're feeling, and you get out and you let out the cries, and you let out the anger and you let out the frustration and the annoyance and all of the stuff that's inside of you, you're gonna start feeling your power come back.

Vonne Solis  46:41  
Yes. I I, again, work a lot in personal power. I love that term. And I was always a little bit reticent to, you know, think that people got the word personal power. And I think they're starting to understand it a little more today. I'm going back a few decades, but you know. On that note, I want to, again, tell the audience. So, my moments of having to when Tina, you're speaking about that, what it is inside that makes you want to get out of bed or whatever. You know, for me, I'm not sure if it's resolve. I'm not sure if it's our character. Part of our personality. But I do know that we have that choice within us, to connect to our authenticity, which is our personal power. Gives to us our personal power, which helps us, as Tina was saying, make bigger decisions. Make more choices. Develop greater trust. Have more faith and ultimately, one day, you just start realizing you are who you are meant to be and becoming. 

Tina, we're gonna be wrapping this up here in just a few minutes, but I would just, and you've already basically said how you know, for people, you've given you know, some inspiration to people who are going through something right now that may you know, need to make a decision. You also spoke about community. So you know, I'll throw in a few things here. Journaling, you know, to try and find an answer, you can journal. You can get quiet, meditate, listen, tap into your heart. Strategize, both by yourself and with a with a trusted loved one or, friend. I always find when I'm feeling really kind of off, just having a great conversation with my sister helps me see things in a different light. But there's so much more. Work with a coach. Work with books. Work with free resources online. You know, borrow books if you can't if you can't buy them. There's a library, borrow books, you know. Be open to reading about other people's experiences and what they have done to help them get out of the darkness, because we really do all face dark periods. And it's essential, if we want to have a more expanded life, and we're always expanding. Our brains, we are designed as humans to always expand. So, we must be willing to embrace that and make the decisions that help us stay aligned with our authenticity. 

So Tina, as we close out on this one, this has been too short in a way, but an absolutely empowering and impacting conversation with you. And I really hope that we can have a another discussion one day on one or two topics that we're so aligned. Well we're aligned on many, but you know, pick a couple and I'll, I would hope to do that with you again because I think it's just so informative for the audience. But, could you just let us know before we close off on this one, I will have the links to how people can contact you. But would you like to just let people know how they can contact you if they want to know more about your services? Get in touch? Like, who do you coach? What's your target audience and where they can find you.

Tina Brigley  50:07  
Yeah, so the best place to find me right now is on LinkedIn. Tina Brigley HPC is I think my tagline. But really, I help women reclaim their feminine power. And I help them boss their life and their business. And, and really, you, there's a lot of a lot of women who want to be entrepreneurs, or business owners and their businesses aren't growing. They think it's because they don't have business strategy. And I say it's because there's something incomplete from your past. And it's not always what you know, it's what you don't know that's hiding behind your view that stopping you. So I want them to have freedom, joy, ease and flow in their life. Tapping into that feminine energy and really, really, it's all about self-love. Learning to love yourself. Learning to love the highs and the lows, the goods and the bads. And taking time for you. There's no mountain to climb.

Vonne Solis  51:06  
Oh. I love that. There's no mountain to climb. I'm writing that down. Tina, that's so wonderful. And basically, I'm writing that down. I just want to again, remind folks, on these episodes I'm doing, you know, on my podcast that these are meant to not solve anybody's problem today. These are meant to just introduce you to people, to ideas, to tools, to resources, to information, and, and in the case of Tina, and anybody else that I share a conversation with on this podcast, there's always resources and to contact these people to to find a little bit more about how they can help you. So again, links are going to be down there below the episode description to contact Tina. And as her own business expands and grows, and she offers more services and so on, all of that you'll be able to find in the way that you know, Tina shares that information. Tina, you do do, you do weekly videos as well, and I've seen them on LinkedIn now. Are they for the general audience or are they specifically for people who want to get into coaching?

Tina Brigley  52:25  
No. So the the beauty of this now is that I, you know, people say niche, niche niche. You need to work with this. Like no, I work with human beings.

Vonne Solis  52:33  
 Okay.

Tina Brigley  52:34  
Who want to level up in their life. So my messaging is going to be about life. Not just business, not just coaching not just for coaches.

Vonne Solis  52:40  
Yeah.

Tina Brigley  52:41  
They're for people that want to really have an extraordinarily created life. Unconstrained, unleashed. Because we get to. We get to have it all.

Vonne Solis  52:53  
Yeah, I love that. So even if you don't want to get coaching support from Tina, listen to her videos, because they're spot on. That's how we've connected and so they are open. Again, you can find Tina, and those videos through LinkedIn and what she's offering on Instagram and Facebook. So Tina, I really want to thank you for this. This time just flew by. And I really want to thank you. And absolutely, you and I are going to stay connected. So thanks again for being a guest on my podcast.

Tina Brigley  53:30  
Yeah, thank you for inviting me. It's been a blast. I could talk to you for hours.

Vonne Solis  53:34  
I know I know. Thanks again, Tina. Talk soon.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai