Ep. 69 Losing Her Only Child: A Mother’s Journey to Heal

My guest on today's episode is bereaved mom, author and curator of the “Shining a Light on Grief” book series, Susan Lataille. Susan lost her only child in March 2017. She has experienced all of the emotions of grief and learned many lessons along the way.

In this episode, Susan shares what she’s learned in her grief and how she helps others through the Shining a Light on Grief book series and writing as a healing modality. Susan is a shining example of how we can all stay inspired and motivated amidst our most painful and distressing losses that often leave us without hope and a vision for a brighter future.

It was an honour to speak with her in this candid and moving episode. Transcript and chapters available.

TIMESTAMP:

Welcome (0:00)
Grief, loss, and healing with a bereaved mother. (0:57)
Grief, family, and legacy after son's death. (3:00)
Losing her child to brain tumour. (8:30)
Grief, trauma, and spirituality after losing a child. (14:22)
Afterlife communication and grief healing. (17:33)
Grief, healing, and recognizing health issues. (23:55)
Grief, self-sabotage, and healing after loss. (28:38)
Grief, healing, and inspiration. (35:22)
Healing, self-care, and creativity in grief. (41:40)
Grief, healing, and writing as a form of therapy. (48:21)
Last thoughts and resources (53:49)

Connect with Susan:
https://www.shiningalightongrief.com
https://www.facebook.com/ShiningALightOnGriefWithSusan
https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanlataille/

Connect with Vonne:
https://vonnesolis.com
www.linkedin.com/in/vonnesolis
https://www.facebook.com/vonnesolisconsulting
https://youtube.com/@grieftalkwithvonnesolis

Mentions:
John Lerma M.D., Author “Into the Light”
Louise Hay, Author “You Can Heal Your Life”

Subscribe to the podcast! Share your favourite episodes! Connect with Vonne on LinkedIn and Facebook.

Transcript

Vonne Solis  0:00  
Welcome to another episode of Grief Talk. Everything you want to know about grief and more. I'm your host, Vonne Solis. As an author, mentor and bereaved mom since 2005, through guest interviews and coaching, here's where you'll always get great content that is inspiring and practical to help you heal after loss.

Today's guest is Susan Lataille. Susan is a bereaved mother who lost her only child in March 2017. Today, Susan and I will be speaking about what she's learned in her grief to this point. How she helps others through writing as a healing modality, and how we can all stay inspired and motivated amidst our most painful and distressing losses that often leave us without hope and a vision for a brighter future. Okay, so welcome to the show. Susan. We have a lot to talk about today. I'm so so grateful to have this time with you. So welcome.

Susan Lataille  0:55  
Thank you. It's so good to be here. 

Vonne Solis  0:57  
Okay, so audience, you'll know note from the introduction that Susan is a bereaved mom. She did lose her only child in 2017. I am honoured and blessed to have Susan here because we're going to be talking about Susan's story. I'm going to let her explain as much as she or share as much as she wants to with you audience about that loss and what led her to what she's doing today. We're going to be jumping into talking about recognizing health issues. We're going to be talking about how people can carry on in times of debilitating loss. So inspiration and motivation. And Susan has a wonderful career helping writers learn to write and share and has done so with I believe it's two anthologies, and I think you're working on a third Susan, is that right? 

Susan Lataille  1:49  
Yes. 

Vonne Solis  1:50  
So we're going to be talking about writing as a healing modality. And then we're going to finish off with Susan's resources. So this is going to be a jam-packed episode with lots and lots of inspiration. We hope, I think, Susan, I can speak for both of us that we hope for anybody watching this or listening to this, if you have lost a child, and still have a surviving child or children, that would be me. And, and so to acknowledge with the candle I have going and in both our hearts, I'm acknowledging Susan's son, who passed in 2017 and my daughter, Janaya, who passed in 2005. And I like to think our kids are with us, Susan. And so, and if you are a bereaved parent and have lost your only child, that is Susan's experience. And she can speak to things that I cannot. So Susan, I would love for you to share as much as you would like to share about your loss Your, your child. Your only son. And how that kind of led you to where you are doing the work you are today.

Susan Lataille  3:00  
Thank you so much. First, even when I was writing my story, I always wondered where to start. And because what I realized was it was really our story. It wasn't just my story. It was ours because it was so intertwined. That he, you know, he struggled a lot through his life. Through being a baby with colic. Through having ADHD as as a young child. And through that whole time, we created a very special bond as most mothers and sons do or moms and daughters as well. And his father and I were divorced at an early age. He was only two and a half. So we always had that missing of one parent. You know, because when he was with me, he missed being with his father. When he was with his father, he missed being with me. 

So he always had this unsettling feeling about him that his family was broken. That his father was in the military and he lived you know, in Virginia for a while. Lived, then settled in Michigan once he retired. So, Nathan, my son would travel, be constantly travelling back and forth during school vacations. During holidays, and what have you, whichever special, you know, celebrations and things like that. 

So along along his journey, yeah, he did a lot in a short life. He really, really experienced a lot where he had the opportunity to be an only child with me. And then he got, he was able to be part of a family of, of four with three other children with his dad's family. Because he remarried and she had you know, she had a daughter. They had another cousin that lived with them. And he ended up having a, he had a step-sister and a half-brother there. So, so being, you know, the dynamics for him, he got to experience what that was like being in both places.

Vonne Solis  5:18  
How old was Nathan when he when he passed?

Susan Lataille  5:21  
He was 28.

Vonne Solis  5:22  
What's really interesting, I'm gonna let you continue, but I just want to pop in, because I was a single mother of my daughter for seven years. And she struggled. She was 22 when she took her life. But you know, what I found out, like, after kind of that she struggled with this sense of a abad, feeling abandoned by her father. And, you know, we just couldn't make it work. And so I had little guilt about not being able to reassure her and not really fully understanding how the impact of say divorce. Just an absent parent, it can it can take its toll on our children. 

Susan Lataille  6:05  
Absolutely. 

Vonne Solis  6:05  
But right, we can't take responsibility for that can we Susan? Like did you feel guilty about that when when Nathan passed? 

Susan Lataille  6:12  
No. And the reason I didn't feel guilty about it in the end was because the most important thing for him was to bring his families together. And because of his illness, and because of his passing, he did exactly that. We were there. We came together as two families and supported each other because of him. 

Vonne Solis  6:35  
What a gift. Yeah?

Susan Lataille  6:37  
Yes. Yeah. So I did not feel guilty in that, in that instant, because he accomplished that goal.

Vonne Solis  6:45  
No kidding. I think and, you know, I and, you know, you said at the beginning that he accomplished so much in his short life. And I am going to agree. And I might be stepping, you know, a little bit off the, you know, diving board here, saying this in very general terms. But you often hear that our children have been our teachers in the short time they've been here. And that they're wise souls, and, you know, like it and I felt that way too. Like, I really feel and I never struggled with this, but that my daughter had completed what she needed to do. And it just, she took a different exit. 

And so no matter how our kids leave us, you'll often you know, read, meet, you know, about parents who feel this. Meet real parents, and they just, we have such praise for the grace, that the, you know, in the, in the lives of our children that they demonstrated. Sometimes wiser beyond their years. That they didn't fit in. Things like that. So I think and you'll, I've even read that about people who have lost, like, you know, like, really young children. And they've left such an impact. So you just saying, he brought you together. It might not have been the way you want it. But job well done, Nathan. 

Susan Lataille  8:11  
Right. Exactly. And it's funny, because you mentioned, you know, how our children teach us so much more. I actually said that at his celebration of life. Where, you know, we think that we we bring our children in, into this life to teach them everything we know. And in the end, it's really us that learns from them. 

Vonne Solis  8:30  
Yes. 

Susan Lataille  8:31  
And it made such an impact that his father repeated those same words when he did his own celebration in Michigan for him. I'm like, Oh, what an honour. You're using my words.

Vonne Solis  8:43  
But no animosity, Susan?

Susan Lataille  8:46  
No, no. I know. But it really I mean, it felt that I felt like that, that obviously hit home with him. 

Vonne Solis  8:52  
And I'll just speak again with with absolute respect for your situation of losing your only child. But for me, I do have a surviving child. He was 13 when his sister died. It completely changed my parenting style. For years, I grappled, because mine was a suicide, that I was a really, really bad parent, but I just want to share this one little thing. I re-read a letter that she wrote me in 2001. Ten pages. And I re-read it maybe about four or six weeks ago, and hadn't read it for years and years and years, right? And she told me, I was a really good mom. So I'm like, darn. I should have read that letter years ago. But we absorb what we need to absorb as we move through our grief and we see things differently and feel. So you know what? I released myself from that guilt. And I went, Wow, maybe I wasn't so bad after all. Anyway. So with that loss, your well, just back to your story. Yeah.

Susan Lataille  9:55  
Yeah back to my story. So really fast forward. You know, even as a young adult, he wasn't somebody that was meant for college. School was a definite struggle for him. He loved to be outside. He loved to work with his hands. So he did, you know, some landscaping jobs. He had a lot of odd jobs, but nothing really, really stuck with him. So he would come home here to Rhode Island, and work the summer landscaping and then go back to Michigan in the winter time. And he would, he would do that consistently, pretty much for years. Until one year, he hadn't been home actually, in probably two years. This was 2014. And he said, Dad's sending me home. Or I don't even know how I know this, but they couldn't deal with him anymore. He was being extremely argumentative, confrontational. I mean, just they didn't know what to do with him anymore. They didn't know what was going on. So they sent him home to me.

When he came home, I looked at him and I'm like, wow. What happened to you? Like I could tell his whole demeanor was different. Everything about him was just changed. He wasn't that lovable child that I that I remembered. He didn't want to be touched anymore. To come to find out after a series of things happening, he was diagnosed with a, with a brain tumor. They found a large mass on his brain after a small accident that he had been in. They had, you know, brought him to the hospital because they could clearly see something was not right with him. He had had a seizure while driving. And 

Vonne Solis  11:40  
Wow.

Susan Lataille  11:41  
They had to, you know, rush him into emergency surgery not too much after that. So my husband and I had just left for vacation. And before I left, I looked at him and I said, Look, Nathan, if you're not going to do this for you, then do it for me. You have to find out what what's going on with you because I knew something was wrong. 

Vonne Solis  12:00  
Okay. And he agreed to that? 

Susan Lataille  12:03  
And obviously, his subconscious, his soul, whatever you want to say, 

Vonne Solis  12:08  
Yes.

Susan Lataille  12:08  
Said, Okay. And he, he had a seizure, and he got into an accident that morning.

Vonne Solis  12:15  
And I just want to say right, straight up with you. I totally, you know, do all work in spiritual, soul work. All of that. And so I got it. It was like, You're not gonna go yourself? Here we go. And so were you grateful for that? 

Susan Lataille  12:31  
I was very grateful for that. Especially when the surgeon told me if, if that tumor would have gotten any larger, it would have killed him instantly. 

Vonne Solis  12:41  
Wow.

Susan Lataille  12:42  
Where he could have been driving. Who knows? I mean, there's so many different scenarios that could have happened, and we never would have known. 

Vonne Solis  12:50  
Whoa, yeah. Okay. 

Susan Lataille  12:53  
I mean, if he would have just, you know, been on the highway doing 70 miles an hour? 

Vonne Solis  12:58  
Yeah.

Susan Lataille  12:58  
Having a seizure? You know.

Vonne Solis  13:01  
Yeah, I do.

Susan Lataille  13:02  
With the car with him in it. 

Vonne Solis  13:03  
And maybe others too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that would have been horrendous. 

Susan Lataille  13:07  
And so I always felt that I had two and a half extra years with him because it could have ended very differently. 

Vonne Solis  13:07  
Yeah. And I'll ask you this. I don't have that type of closure. Understanding why my daughter chose to leave. Nobody gets that with suicide. Does it help to know that, that you have the actual cause of his death? Does that help?

Susan Lataille  13:37  
I think so. I think so. And part of me, certainly, you know, in the very beginning, I had to go to gratitude. It was the only thing that kept me sane. And I would reach for anything that I could like that. You know, like the fact that I had two and a half extra years with him. 

Vonne Solis  13:54  
Yeah.

Susan Lataille  13:55  
That I was I was able to be his caretaker. That I had my own business and I was able to be home with him and take him to doctor's appointments, and everything else. I was. I mean, I was grateful I wasn't the only person in the hospital room when he passed and took his last breath. His last words were to me, I love you, mom. So all those things I was extremely grateful for and as long as I could focus on that? I wouldn't fall to pieces.

Vonne Solis  14:22  
Oh my god, Susan, that's so beautiful. That's so so beautiful. 

Susan Lataille  14:26  
Only, the only thing that kept me somewhat sane. 

Vonne Solis  14:30  
I started working with angels, seven. Wait, yeah, seven months before just, you know, just happened to start working with angels seven months before. And I had demonstrations in my life that oh okay. Maybe they are kind of real. Well, you know what? They saved my life. So like you're saying. You were able to go to gratitude. You were able to find all these things and you know, so that kind of, you know, I'd work with them rather rather than, you know, want to go to the doctor and ask for a bottle of Valium. You know, things like that. What I'm just doing is paying a quick nod to if we can find as bereaved parents something, something to hang on to, in those very early hours, days, weeks, months. Hopefully not years. But you know, however long that can get us, just give us that momentum through the trauma and through the shock. Would you agree that that's like really important? 

Susan Lataille  15:31  
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. We have to have something positive to hold on to. And I think, you know, when you start doing a lot of personal work. Spiritual work. I think you you know, especially Angel work for you. I've also done you know, different things with angels. And I think having different beliefs, knowing that they're not gone. Like, I know that they're are still here. I know, I can still communicate with him when I need to. 

Vonne Solis  16:04  
Yeah.

Susan Lataille  16:05  
Slap me upside the head and go, What are you doing, mom? 

Vonne Solis  16:08  
Yeah. Do you enjoy visits with Nathan?

Susan Lataille  16:12  
I do. I do. There, I don't see him physically, although I, I do and I know it's him because it sounds like him.

Vonne Solis  16:22  
That I feel is a huge gift.

Susan Lataille  16:25  
I was at a conference and there was this woman doing a journeying. And before, before you went, like deep and going into like, it started from your moment of death. Didn't matter how you died. But from your moment of death. And before you, you started that journey, you had to write something down that you wanted to live for because, because you don't want to come back. 

Vonne Solis  16:55  
No, I know. I know.

Susan Lataille  16:57  
And when I was there, like I knew, like, I couldn't go further than the place where he met me. It was like, right as soon as I got there. Because if I did, I would not have come back.

Vonne Solis  17:07  
 I know.

Susan Lataille  17:08  
And we got to sit and visit and and you know and embrace. When I came back it was like tears were nonstop. I, I it was it was 

Vonne Solis  17:19  
I got goosebumps.

Susan Lataille  17:20  
it was beautiful. And I enjoyed it immensely. Having to come back hurt, though. Having to come back and go. Okay. That's wonderful. Now back to quote, reality.

Vonne Solis  17:36  
Yeah, in my first years when this was happening, I was in touch daily, pretty much with one of three or four bereaved people. Most of the, two of them were bereaved moms. One was just a sibling. Suicide survivor sibling. And in and out, you know, a couple other bereaved parents. And one in particular was just so desperate to be able to have these visits with her son who had passed and he was about 40, 41, when he passed from a sepsis issue. And interestingly enough, her grandchildren could see his physical presence. They were good Catholics, I just want to say. And the little grandson would say, Mom, you know, there's so and so and she's you know, what? But I would tell her, you know, they're bittersweet. 

Because even you know, at the point you're meeting, and and just I was learning, my daughter visited me to teach me things from the afterlife. Such as ongoing life, and when my dad was gonna die and that she wasn't alone and just things. It was very hard waking up. Waking up. That's quote unquote, for audio listeners here. It took me years. Years where I could you know, not have these visits be a source of comforting my pain, as opposed to yippee! She's popped in.

Right. Right. 

And I'm there now. Yippee, she's popped in. So, but each of us has a different journey. But I just want to acknowledge that. And wouldn't you agree, Susan, that, okay, well, let me ask you this. Do you think that all of us can communicate. Have some form of communication with a loved one in the afterlife or ongoing consciousness if we allow ourselves to be open enough to these visits and then accept them as a visit?

Susan Lataille  19:35  
I do. I believe that we all have that ability. 

Vonne Solis  19:38  
Yeah. So there's hope audience. There's hope. And

Susan Lataille  19:42  
I think it's staying open to it. To knowing that you that you can. And, and sometimes it's in different ways. You know, a lot of times, a lot of ways that I used to communicate with my grandmother was through writing. Where I would write and like I would ask her a question or ask and then I would get a response. I would write whatever the response was and we would talk back and forth. 

Vonne Solis  20:05  
Wow, so cool. Oh, that is. 

Susan Lataille  20:08  
So there's many ways that that you can do that. Not just one way. And the only thing I have to say about that is, if you think you're communicating with your loved one, believe you're communicating with your loved one.

Vonne Solis  20:21  
You are. Yeah.

Susan Lataille  20:21  
Do not second guess it.

Vonne Solis  20:24  
Stop guessing. When it feels too weird? It was real. 

Susan Lataille  20:28  
Exactly. 

Vonne Solis  20:29  
It was real. Yeah. So you've been very, very open and shared a lot about Nathan's passing to the point you're with him in his last breath. And it's so beautiful, just so beautiful. I just actually did an interview with a chaplain, a hospice chaplain. That's her work. Palliative. Terminal. And we had a lot of discussion around what is happening at the end of life. And I just want to quickly say here that she said, it's crazy normal for these visits to occur the closer a patient, an individual gets to their transition. Like it happens all the time. And so they're with us and communicating even before we get there. And so there's, there's nothing. That is almost, I would say, almost proof that, yeah, there's ongoing consciousness. And as I did in that episode, and I'll do in this one, there are a couple books by Dr. John Lerma that he he actually in Houston. Was a palliative physician and has documented dozens and dozens and dozens of these visits to, I don't know if he was trying to scientifically prove that they happen. But I'll put links to his site for information on that. Because that really comforted me as well, in the earlier years where I was still, you know, was that a real visit? What? You know. I, I, you know, what I mean? So this is about visits. So they do happen, and we just have to recognize them as that. Which I think you get better at. If you don't quite trust them in the beginning you do get better at it right, Susan? 

Susan Lataille  22:23  
Yes. I would agree with that. You don't doubt it as much as time goes on.

Vonne Solis  22:28  
Yeah. So what were you doing in your life, I want to get into like, if you could explain a little bit more about the work that you are doing now. I know, we talked a little bit and you had a complete would you say life change after Nathan passed?

Susan Lataille  22:45  
I would say yes. Yes. So so he passed in 2017. And I continued to do event production for several years, even though I knew I, it's not what I wanted to be doing anymore. I wasn't quite sure. And I don't think I was quite ready to step into helping other people with grief at that time. So when the when the pandemic hit, that kind of allowed me to really stop and step back and go, Okay, what am I doing here? And what would I like to be doing? So I, you know, I call it floundering, you know, for for a while, because I just didn't know. I didn't know what to do or how to move forward. 

What ended up ended up happening, I was approached to share my story in a different anthology book. So that that was where my, you know, healing started taking place through writing. I was healing but this this helped me in a different way. So after, once I finished that I was like, Okay, what now? What do I do with this story? What do I do to continue to, you know, help other people. This was like, the first step. Totally stepping out of my comfort zone, that I became a certified master grief coach. I'm like, Okay, I know, I want to work in the grief world. What what, what's my next step? I didn't have to know it all. I just needed to know the next step. And that was becoming a certified master grief coach. I found an online certification and completed that. And then I was like, Okay, now what? What do I want to do with this? Do I want to work with people one on one? Do I want to, what do I want to do now? 

And as I'm always listening to what's being put in front of me, or, you know, listening in, seeing what's being put in front of me, I love the idea of the anthology books because everyone got to share, you know, a portion of their whole story. Just a small portion of their story and it didn't become overwhelming. And that inspired me to create my own anthology series. So the first book I went to, you know, people I knew. I'm like, this is my vision. This is my timeline. This is what we'll be doing. And reaching out to 13 people, 10 said, Yes. And these are women that I, a lot of them that I had known for quite a few years, who had seen me do events. And they knew if I said I was going to do it, I was going to do it. 

Vonne Solis  25:44  
Yeah, yeah.

Susan Lataille  25:45  
Because I don't like letting people down or saying, No, I'm not going to do that now. And it worked out beautifully. My timeline couldn't have worked better. The group as a whole became so close that you know, like each book that I have is a family because we meet regularly. And now I have two of my own books. And a third book was just released that I worked with a Breast Cancer Resource foundation.

Vonne Solis  26:16  
Mm hmm.

Susan Lataille  26:17  
And I had ten authors there that shared the story of a loved one to cancer. Not necessarily breast cancer, but to cancer. 

Vonne Solis  26:27  
What is the your series called? You have the two books.

Susan Lataille  26:32  
Shining a Light on Grief.

Vonne Solis  26:33  
Oh, yeah. And I'm going to have the link to that in the show notes. Wonderful. You know what? It reminds me of, like you said, you had your your family. So you have an immediate sense of, I'm not alone in this. And I think community is one of the greatest things we can, you know, develop in our life. Create in our life for healing. For those that are ready to embrace healing. 

I want to ask you a little bit about, so you had some health issues that you mentioned to me, sort of, you know, triggered these changes for you as well. Do you want to speak to recognizing them? You and I were just talking briefly before we started this interview. And I said it took me years to recognize and actually have my health issues diagnosed. I'm not gonna lie. It took me nine years before I got diagnosed with PTSD. And then another, oh, let's see six before I shut myself down. And I was like doing wonderful things and blah, blah, blah. Working and doing part time Angel practitioner work. You know, but Go Go Go, go, go, go go. And a lot of people throw themselves into that type of lifestyle when they've lost, you know, a child. When they've had another traumatic or very, very difficult loss. So that, this is not unusual. But what triggered you to your health issues? And I was going to ask you part two to that, if neither of us forget. I'm speaking more about me. How can people recognize that what they're going through and they're off, could be a health issue related to their grief?

Susan Lataille  28:26  
So when I was when I was doing event production, I was, I had a full plate like you were talking you were just talking about. I just go go go go go go GO. And, and I knew I wasn't feeling well. I knew I was exhausted. I knew that I needed to have a better self-care regimen. Because at that point, I was, I would do a few things here and there, but I didn't have anything that was consistent. Not only that, but at that time I also was self-sabotaging myself. So wine became my best friend. I know I'm not alone in this. And it put a lot of strain on my marriage. It put a lot of strain on me physically and my health and everything else, because I was drinking before he passed. And this just amped it up even more. Because now it was like okay, it's five o'clock. I can numb. It is time for me to just be able to be numb and not have to think about anything. And that took its toll on me as well as just being simply exhausted. I ended up having really bad headaches. I had brain fog. I couldn't focus for long. I mean, there was so many things going on with me that when COVID hit and I stopped. Like I literally had to stop.

Vonne Solis  29:50  
Yeah.

Susan Lataille  29:51  
Like everything came crashing down on me at that point. And I had no no choice but to address it.

Vonne Solis  29:59  
Was that your bottom sort of?

Susan Lataille  30:01  
That was, I would say that that was pretty much my bottom. That if I didn't take and start doing something at that point, then, you know, I was looking at, you know, much more serious diagnosis. Because mind when you don't deal with your grief, it's going to manifest itself physically. 

Vonne Solis  30:23  
Oh absolutely. And so I just want to stop for a second and have both of us just honour and respect in other people, it is not easy to face the pain of your grief. None of us want to do that. And self-sabotaging can happen in many, many ways. Just keeping yourself like an A-plus plus, you know, member when they say Energizer Bunny? And never stopping, disengaging from yourself, your relationships. I don't know, it could be any number of things. In my case, I worked myself to the bone. So I self-sabotaged in a way that I just wouldn't stop. I kept helping others, and also working and commuting and writing a book. And I was continually ill. Continually. Nothing serious. But enough, I was off work two weeks. I would take six weeks to sort of recover. Feel great for maybe three of them. And then boom, hit again. At that time, I was working for the government in Canada. And I had accommodations from 2010 to 2015, when I finally couldn't get out of bed. They they gave me some kind of work accommodation every one of those years. So bless them. But I didn't know what was wrong with me. You know what I mean? And the disability, I went on a long-term disability for just over two years. And that was the game changer. Where I literally changed my life.

Also I want to, I want to speak about timing a bit here. Because for you the timing. COVID hit. You know, and all the pieces fell in place for you. For me, I had already moved to Vancouver Island. I was just approaching the age, I could take early retirement from my jobs. So it just coincided in in 20, December 2017, where I could quote retire. And that gave me the ability to rebuild. And you know what you said when we first met? You said, What do I want to be when I grow up? And, you know, I've kind of been saying that since I was 60. And it took me kind of until sort of recently, even today, and it's still really refining my choices. And we have to do that would you not agree, Susan, by understanding where we are physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally at all stages of our grief? What are your thoughts around that?

Susan Lataille  32:58  
We continue to evolve and you know, if you thought a certain way about one thing two years ago, we're probably thinking about that same thing very differently today. I look back along, you know, the six and a half years or so since my son passed. I look back and I'm like, just see how dysfunctional I was. And just really going through the motions of life for for many years, thinking I was okay.

Vonne Solis  33:31  
So we're talking about this audience in case you recognize these patterns in your life. So whatever part you're missing in your grief that you're disconnected from, it could be emotional. It could be the physical part of it, like wow, this really hurts. I had my head in the clouds for 10 years. In that spirit, in that world that was so safe. And the pain doesn't really exist in that world. Not for me, do you know what I mean? Everything's perfect, you know? And so when I decided, Okay, I'm gonna live with this. I'm gonna live with what it feels like to have PTSD. And what if I didn't have that world? And what if I was only relying on the human experience to get through this. Doctors, therapy. Things like that. And you know what? I came out of that about, I'd say two and a half years in and I went, Holy crap. I can't do this. So I need a blend of it. 

What I ended up coming out with was I think that you know, the human stuff? Where we're only capable, I'm not picking on therapists, but I'm picking I am saying traditional models of of inter medical intervention. Medical support, things like that. It is it has its place. But I ended up you know, doing a hybrid of, you know, No, I need you angels. And I need this Divine and I need to trust in all of these things to make this human experience, not just more bearable, but that I can fully accept it as this has been part of my life and I really want to honour that. And and I'm going to work with embracing that. But not let it tear me down. When COVID hit, it forced you to be with yourself. So what did you do next to look at what what was going on with you?

Susan Lataille  35:21  
Part of it was and I don't even know if I was even looking at what was going on with me yet. I think I was just, well, my physical body was going Yes, I need attention. I was having really, really bad headaches that were stopping me from doing things. Because they had just gotten to a point where I never considered them a migraine, but they were pretty intense. So starting to address that and figuring out, okay, what's going on? What's you know, going to see, you know, different kinds of doctors to, to help me along that journey? I have, and I still do work with a Kinesiologist that's helped me tremendously. 

Vonne Solis  36:03  
It's so interesting, as I'm listening to you that you had headaches, and your son had a brain tumour.

Susan Lataille  36:10  
I know I've thought about myself, often. 

Vonne Solis  36:13  
Without going into too much detail. It's very, very interesting when we develop physical symptoms that nobody, doctors can't diagnose. We might be able to treat them with different things, but there's no like explanation where it's coming from. Are you familiar with Louise Hay's book, You Can Heal Your Life? Right. So in that one for anybody interested, and she wrote that she's no longer with us, but decades ago. And she released different edits of it, but You Can Heal Your Life correlates what's going on in the physical to what can be going on, you know, spiritually for you. It's a really cool book for anybody that might be interested.

Yeah, it is. I haven't opened it in a while, but I always go to it. 

It's in my little library. And yeah, for sure. So it's just it's just to say, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, Louise Hay, and it has, you know, withstood the time, you know. And so it can help us kind of go, okay, that's going on with me, maybe mentally, emotionally, spiritually. There's a definite correlation in our bodies to what's going on mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So how did things switch for you in COVID? Is that when you started the writing of your first anthology series?

Susan Lataille  37:26  
Yes, yes. So, so I didn't I started my first one late, I think it was November of 21. That book was was published the next year of 22. And then my second book started this January and was released and then the one that I've worked with the Breast Cancer Resource Foundation, it was just released.

Vonne Solis  37:49  
Wow, very busy, busy lady. So I want to turn to inspiration and motivation a little bit here. I think we always need some kind of inspiration in the early days. Hope. Something like you and I hung on to and we talked about earlier. Would you say most of those stories, were inspiring? That people found something to keep them moving forward? 

Susan Lataille  38:08  
Yeah. And that was that was one of the missions of the book was to provide hope and inspiration to the reader. That was that it's not just about their grief journey. But how did they manage that grief? How were they able to, even if it was begin to heal? You know cause I think it's a journey. It's a process. 

Vonne Solis  38:30  
Absolutely. 

Susan Lataille  38:31  
So at that point, how did they get there? How did they get there from the loss or even before the loss because sometimes they were caretakers prior to or there was a story that went with it. It wasn't, and then there are others that, that were suicides or accidents where people were gone in an instant, although this little little bit of a backstory of how they got to that. And then how, as a grieving person, or bereaved person, how they managed their grief. How they began to heal. Steps that they took that other people may be able to use, you know? That may, you know, shine some light on on their own healing process. Maybe something that they hadn't thought of and one of the authors, you know, it just clicks for them. 

Vonne Solis  39:24  
Yes. 

Susan Lataille  39:25  
Oh, my God. Yes, that's exactly. And on the other side of that, it's to help people feel like they're not alone. When you're grieving, you can feel like you're so alone, and nobody understands you. That this book is meant to or these books are really meant to help everyone involved. It helps the person that's doing the writing because whether it's a year. Whether it's 30 years, more healing's going to take place.

Vonne Solis  39:57  
Absolutely. And I'm so glad that you said that. Because there's no one way to heal and things sneak up on you. It's really easy to go down that rabbit hole again. I'm a big believer in at every stage. Every year that passes. Wherever we are, the longer we're in this and, you know, I have found and when I was new to to bereavement, I read these books and people had been in it 15 years and whatever. And I was just like, Oh, God, please no. Like, I know, I have this ahead of me. But no, that sounds too long, right.? And I wanted someone to tell me, you know, 15 years in, the books I had my hands on in 2005, there weren't that many. And nobody had had the answers. But some of the things that were commonly shared was, and I'm talking bereaved parents here, was that the grief can sneak up on you at any time. Doesn't last as long and it isn't as intense, but it's still there. And the other thing was just that, you know, throughout a period, you know, and certainly in the early years, they commonly said, it's like, you take one step forward, you know, ten back. And that left. That left me. But I also met people, Susan, who did nothing with their healing. Nothing with their grief twenty years in, in support groups and stuff like that. And so I'm just gonna say, having those people, bless their hearts literally, I didn't want that. Seeing that? Like how that could ruin me. I didn't want that. So you know, just the pain. You know, the pain what we look like, in the first little bit? 

Susan Lataille  41:56  
Right.

Vonne Solis  41:56  
And so what inspired you to decide, choose, Nope. I'm not going to let this get me down. I'm not going to do it.

Susan Lataille  42:08  
I think, you know, in the last few years, really is when I think a lot of my, my healing has taken place. And it was just, I don't I don't want to live like this anymore. I knew that he wouldn't want me to. I, I wanted to live my life. And I questioned so many times, like, Okay, what is it all about? Why am I here? You know that, that age-old question. 

Vonne Solis  42:11  
Yes.

Susan Lataille  42:16  
Why am I here? And, and I finally feel like the first time in my life, I'm actually I'm living my purpose. I'm able to help other people. I mean, I thoroughly enjoy working with all these authors. You know, I've worked with 44 authors up to now. And it is it is truly an honour and a privilege to work with them because there's things in their story that they have never shared with anyone. 

Vonne Solis  43:12  
Yeah. 

Susan Lataille  43:13  
My eyes are the first eyes that will see it after theirs. That's what drives me is is like, Okay, I found something and I, I just keep listening to Okay, what's next? 

Vonne Solis  43:27  
Yeah.

Susan Lataille  43:27  
You know, like that first book came out, and I'm like, Okay, let's do another one. Okay. Now let's now this organization is contacting me to do work with them. Okay, let's, let's go and do that. So we've gone kind of on following the breadcrumbs. I'm not like forcing anything to happen. I'm allowing it to unfold as I am ready.

Vonne Solis  43:51  
Yeah.

Susan Lataille  43:52  
Because I know if too much was thrown on me at once, I'd get back in that rat race, so to speak, of going at full speed ahead. And that's not the way I want to live my life. 

Vonne Solis  44:03  
Well, you reached that point long before I did. So kudos. One of the things that might have taken me a while though, and again, I'm gonna say this really respectfully is because I was still raising a son. And I had all of myself for years and years and years, it was I didn't, I didn't have the space to give just to me, until I made that decision to do that. Basically, I think it was about maybe a year and a half ago. And so again, for the audience, I'm going to acknowledge anybody here who still has their energy tied up in something else or someone else and you are grieving, when you give yourself permission and all the circumstances line up for you to do this. You know, like you're not running off to a job. You're not surviving and you know, putting out fires and and you know, and you if, when you reach that point in your life that you can make room for you. To care for you. That is the game changer. And so I'm glad that you were able to do that early on.

Susan Lataille  45:11  
I was pushed. 

Vonne Solis  45:11  
I know.

Susan Lataille  45:12  
Okay, this is, this is you know, this is what you're meant to do. And, and and I did push it away for a while because like I'm not ready.

Vonne Solis  45:22  
Right right.

Susan Lataille  45:24  
I'm not ready. And then finally it was like, Okay, let's just, you know, now we're never. Let's just, let's just, you know, jump off that cliff and, and know that I'll be supported in it. 

Vonne Solis  45:35  
Yeah, and that's so amazing. So the one thing I just want to say here as we're getting to the top of the hour, and I'm going to talk about next, who you work with, and then your resources. But I did just want to say really quickly. You said something super important. Two things. One, step by step. We all know that. But please remember that audience. And then the other piece that you're you're saying is let The Universe deliver to us. The angels in my case, Universe, whatever. But what they know, like for me, it's the angels bring me what I need. Because what we sometimes can envision, especially as people who are go getters and things like that. And for many years, my person, well, my personality was changed after Janaya died. But there were still, when bits of the old me crept in a few years ago? You know, it was that that driven A-plus personality. And while I've never regained that entire personality ever, ever, ever. There are bits and when it started to kind of appear I was like, what? And I didn't really know how to channel that because I also didn't have the same energy and drive anymore, you know? Like to be that person. So I didn't want to be that person. That's like, Who do you want to be when you grow up? And, and so it's allowing these opportunities to just come to us and recognizing them as an opportunity, and then deciding if you want to jump on it right, Susan?

Susan Lataille  47:04  
Right. Yes. That's right.

Vonne Solis  47:06  
Right? What do you feel like just for people who may not, Well, I don't know. How would I know? How would I know? Like, it just feels right. And you feel like, oh, I might be a bit nervous and scared. But I have room in my life. And I think I can do this. And even though I'm scared I'm going to try it. Is that sort of your approach?

Susan Lataille  47:23  
If I'm excited, and I'm afraid of something? That's a perfect indicator that you're meant to do it. 

Vonne Solis  47:30  
Yeah. And you know, what's the worst that can happen? Nothing. Right? You try again. I read recently, failure is really is just something being reflected back to you. And I love that. I love that. Alright, so right now, Susan, who are you working with? We're going to talk a little bit about writing as a healing modality. Are you working with the people just as a way of like coaching?

Susan Lataille  47:56  
I do. I do one on one coaching. And I use writing as a modality to do, I have an intensive six week program that I work one on one. I'm also starting my next volume of Shining a Light on Grief in January. So I am looking for for authors for that. So people that have maybe thought about, you know, writing a book, where that feels so overwhelming. And they think that their their story of grief, and healing can can help other people. And then on the third thing is I work with organizations to help them and their their families. Their communities achieve the same. You know, because they're, a lot of these larger nonprofits have so much programming that they offer their families and, and this is one of them. So I'm looking at, you know, possibly working with some other other Cancer Resource foundations that that would like to repeat that same. Because it has been unbelievably beneficial to those who participate. 

Vonne Solis  49:06  
Yeah. You know, it's just there's nothing like a great book to read someone's story or an anthology of stories to just in your own private little space, that is a community people. And larger ones are of course online. Looking for in-person support. Not everybody wants to go to support groups and but if you're in grief about something in your life, check online just to see because you never know where the online support is going to lead you. Including something that's you know, I recently discovered anticipated grief. When you're going to lose a loved one. It's to be able to recognize in someone else's story or sometimes in the case of an actual professional setting, clinics and so on. Recognize you know, in yourself something that they've seen, or can help you with because they've been through it. Or it's their job to look for these things and just don't try and do it alone. Not one of us is an island, are we?

Susan Lataille  50:13  
No, we're not. We need community. 

Vonne Solis  50:15  
Yeah. So Susan, anybody that's interested in contributing to your Volume III anthology, Shining a Light on Grief? Is there a way to contact you directly? Or do you have like an email on your site?

Susan Lataille  50:30  
I do. There's a contact form on my site. You can go to shiningalightongrief.com. And I'd be happy to have a conversation with anybody who is interested.

Vonne Solis  50:41  
Oh, that's amazing. And I really do want to just talk for a couple of minutes about about writing as a healing modality. What are your feelings about someone who might be interested, but doesn't know how to get started, like journaling or something? 

Susan Lataille  50:55  
Yeah. I mean, there's so many different ways that you can that you can start journalling, or even when authors stop writing their story is, the thing is to start. Just start writing. Think, you know, think of a memory. Think of one point in that, you know. It could be at the beginning. It could be who knows, who knows? It might be when somebody was diagnosed. It could be just start writing and getting out the details. of what of what that story is.

Vonne Solis  51:28  
When you actually write physically not even typing, but physically? It is, it is much more cathartic than any other form. Like getting that energy out and on paper. You know that you've actually taken the time just to jot a few notes. So anyway, if they want to learn more, they can also contact you on your website.

Susan Lataille  51:53  
shiningalightongrief.com.

Vonne Solis  51:55  
Okay, perfect. I'm going to have a link to that below. So again, folks, you can contact Susan for information about if you want to be a burgeoning wonderful, you know, international best seller writer, contributor to an anthology. You can contact Susan about potential coaching. 

So I think that you're a wonderful, wonderful gift to the planet, Susan and I am just so happy that we met. I thank you so so much for sharing your story. You are probably a wealth of comfort and inspiration to anybody who has lost their only child. Again, I want to be really respectful about that because that is a different situation, I think, in grief. And I think there's things that that we need to recognize in our losses that although in the umbrella, you know? Okay, it's similar, but then there's different things that are different for us. And I just wanted to acknowledge that. Because if you are in the same situation as Susan, and other parents who have lost their only child, Susan has experience with that. And and to be a leader in what you do and driven and you know, and helping so many people like with what you're doing? You didn't just sit there in that. You said no, I'm going to change. I mean, this is just like a gift to other parents who need to be inspired and know that you can get through this. So I do thank you and I recognize that in you and honour in that, that in you and thank you for your contribution to the world of bereavement. Yeah.

Susan Lataille  53:47  
Yes. Thank you. 

Vonne Solis  53:49  
Okay. Anyway, any last things you want to leave the audience with Susan?

Susan Lataille  53:54  
Find something that works for you, because we're all different. 

Vonne Solis  53:58  
Yeah. Exactly.

Susan Lataille  53:59  
We're all different. Find something. Find something that you can hold on to. Find something that will help you heal. There's a lot of different things out there that you can, that you can do or participate in. Or, you know, find groups, find other people that you can be part of community with because I think that's the most important.

Vonne Solis  54:22  
I agree. And I just want to say kombucha is a wonderful wine substitute. I make my own kombucha and I tossed I wasn't you know, drinking too much wine myself or anything, but I recognized that easy to do. And I tossed it and started making my own kombucha almost two years ago. And so great substitute folks. 

All right, Susan. Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna, I'm gonna close this one off. So again, it's wonderful to have met you. Really wonderful.

Susan Lataille  54:53  
You as well. Thank you so much for having me. 

Vonne Solis  54:56  
You're welcome.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai